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  • - For a friend, you're quite a find,

  • hope you'll be my Valentine?

  • Hey, I'm not a find!

  • - Ah, don't be so modest.

  • Happy Valentine's Day, Orange.

  • - Yay, now read mine!

  • - Hey Little Apple,

  • I bet it must be hard reading a letter,

  • when you're smaller than the card.

  • Um, thanks Orange.

  • - You're welcome!

  • Hey, (swoosh) read yours Pear!

  • - Sometimes you're like an apple,

  • sometimes you're like a pear.

  • Either way it goes, you still don't have any hair.

  • - (laughs) You're a chrome dome. (laughs)

  • - Is that your idea of a Valentine?

  • - Yeah!

  • All right, Marshmallow's turn.

  • - Hey fluffy face, you're made of sugar.

  • So how come when you sneeze, you still blow out boogers?

  • (laughs) You're tickling me with words (laughs).

  • - Orange, you're doing it wrong.

  • Do you even understand what this day means?

  • - Duh, it's the day you write your feelings

  • on a heart shaped card.

  • - Yeah, good feelings.

  • Stuff like,

  • "Thanks for being my friend and not always calling me a--

  • - A midget? (laughs)

  • (groans)

  • See, I know all about Valentine's Day,

  • and now we're gonna light off fireworks

  • until the Easter monkey lays his eggs.

  • - Yay!

  • - No, no, that's not even.

  • Wow, I don't even know where to start.

  • - With a Valentine, geez, someone's slow today.

  • - Okay, Orange, let's try this.

  • See Passion over there?

  • - Hi, Orange.

  • - Whoa, hey, hey Passion.

  • - Remember, it's Valentine's Day.

  • Try to say something nice.

  • - Hey Passion!

  • - Yes, Orange?

  • - Roses are red, violets are blue, you look like an angel--

  • - Yes?

  • - That belongs in the zoo (laughs).

  • (juice splats) - Ow!

  • - That's for making fun of my costume.

  • - Ow, she really knows how to make a point (laughs).

  • - Well maybe if you'd say something nice.

  • - What?

  • It's better than what I was gonna say.

  • - What's that?

  • - Hey, you, dressed like Cupid,

  • don't you know you look so stupid? (laughs).

  • (juice splats) Ow!

  • - I'm not deaf, you know.

  • - That's it, I quit.

  • I'm not even gonna wait for the groundhog to see my shadow.

  • - What?

  • - Huh?

  • - Yay, I love groundhogs!

  • - Look, you just need practice.

  • Why don't you talk to that grape over there.

  • (swish) - Hi, hi Orange.

  • - Nah, he looks like a little whiner (laughs).

  • - No, Orange, just say something nice to him.

  • No puns, no jokes, and keep it clean.

  • - (sighs) Okay, you can do this Orange.

  • Say something nice. (tense music)

  • (groans)

  • (crunching)

  • (gulps)

  • Hey!

  • - What, what is it Orange?

  • - Happy Valentine's Day!

  • (sigh of relief)

  • - Knife!

  • (knife slicing)

  • - Whoa!

  • - Hey, thanks Orange!

  • Oh crap, did it again.

  • (swish) (blades scraping)

  • - [Narrator] Valentine's Day.

  • It's full of love, romance, and passion,

  • but that's not what you're getting this Valentine's Day.

  • You're getting something much, much better.

  • (record scraping) (mumbling)

  • - [Oranges] Hey, who turned out the lights?

  • I guess now we know what it's like to be dark chocolate.

  • (laughs)

  • (knives scraping)

  • - [Announcer] Welcome to The Dating Game!

  • Here's your host, Art Sweetheart.

  • - Hello, and welcome to another episode of

  • The Dating Game, the show where we play Cupid

  • or we look stupid, ha-ha!

  • (crowd laughs)

  • Let's get right to it and meet our bachelorette.

  • (crowd cheers) She describes herself

  • as sweet and sassy.

  • Say hello to Passion Fruit!

  • So Passion Fruit, tell us about the men in your life.

  • - Well Art, most of the men in my life are really sweet,

  • but they can also be really annoying.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • - So would you say when it comes to meeting Mr. Right Fruit,

  • you can really, pick 'em?

  • Ha-ha. (crowd laughs)

  • - Yeah, they're annoying because they say stuff like that.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • - Well let's see if we can play matchmaker for you, Passion.

  • Say hello to bachelor number one!

  • (crowd cheers)

  • - I'm talking to a girl, huzzah!

  • (crowd laughs)

  • - Uh, hi bachelor number one.

  • - Bachelor number two.

  • (crowd clapping)

  • - (speaks in foreign language) Passion, I look forward

  • to getting to know you very well.

  • (crowd cheers)

  • - Ooh, I like your accent bachelor number two.

  • - And last but not least, bachelor number three.

  • (record scraping) (crowd clapping)

  • - Hey, hey Passion Fruit, hey Passion Fruit!

  • Hey Passion Fruit, hey! (crowd laughs)

  • - Wait, that voice sounds familiar.

  • - Oh, I'm sure you're completely mistaken Passion.

  • What do you say we move on to the first question?

  • - Oh, pick me!

  • Pick me, bachelor number three, come on, pick me!

  • - Bachelor number one--

  • - (groans) Come on!

  • - If we went on our first date, what would we do?

  • - Oh boy, you're so beautiful, oh no!

  • Spritzing, spritzing on the lovely, oh no!

  • (crowd laughs)

  • - (laughs) He sounds like a motor boat making a milkshake!

  • (laughs) (crowd laughs)

  • - Did he say motor boat?

  • - Uh pardon moi, but I believe what bachelor number one

  • was trying to say is,

  • a first date with one as lovely as you,

  • would be the last first date of his life.

  • (crowd cheers) - Holy jumping

  • jeda-watts, that was smooth!

  • - Whew, I, well, that's rather forward.

  • - Passion, my philosophy is never look back.

  • So I can only be forward, yes?

  • (crowd cheers) - (laughs) Stupid Apple,

  • Red Onion made french toast out of you.

  • (chuckles) (crowd laughs)

  • - Okay, see, I'm getting that feeling again.

  • (crowd laughs)

  • - You'll have to pardon bachelor number three.

  • It is safe to say we are all intoxicated by your presence.

  • - Zo-dee ow a zowee!

  • - I think we can forget about bachelor number one.

  • (crowd laughs) - (laughs)

  • Apple's such a mush mouth!

  • (laughs) (crowd laughs)

  • - Let me remind the bachelors,

  • that you're not supposed to

  • reveal the identities of one another.

  • - I'm not a bachelor, I'm an Orange.

  • (crowd cheers)

  • - Wow, I'm totally shocked.

  • - See, I told you sparks would fly,

  • ha-ha! (crowd laughs)

  • - Can I talk to the super hot French guy now?

  • - Super hot french fry?

  • Be careful, you might burn your tongue.

  • (laughs) (crowd laughs)

  • - That is entirely possible.

  • - Question, ooh, ooh, question, come on, question!

  • - Okay, that's really not necessary.

  • - Come on, nobody's asked me anything.

  • - (groans) Fine, bachelor number three.

  • - Yay, I win, suck it Red Onion!

  • (laughs) (crowd laughs)

  • - I am not an onion you buffoon.

  • (crowd laughs) - If we went on

  • our first date--

  • - But I don't own a calendar. (crowd laughs)

  • - A date, you idiot, like when two fruits

  • really, really like each other.

  • - Oh, sorry, that's not gonna happen.

  • (record skipping) - What?

  • - Yeah. (slow piano music).

  • I've already got someone I really like.

  • She's totally smart, and pretty, and purple.

  • And whenever I see her,

  • I feel like I just ate a butterfly made of chocolate.

  • If you know what I mean.

  • (crowd sighs)

  • - I think I do bachelor number three.

  • It's what's on the inside that counts.

  • - Well, since I've clearly lost control of the show,

  • let's lower the wall and see if Passion is right.

  • - She would choose this common piece of rubbish over me?

  • Clearly I am the superior fruit.

  • - Yowzatoy, it's back to Skyrim for me.

  • (crowd cheers)

  • (lasers firing)

  • (crowd screams) (juices splatting)

  • (suspenseful music) - Whoa!

  • - Oh my God, Orange, are you okay?

  • - Yeah, poor guy.

  • I think he really had a crush on you, Passion.

  • (laughs) (crowd laughs)

  • - (groans) Please stop.

  • - Well, while we're busy contacting our attorneys,

  • (crowd clapping) you kids go out there,

  • and have a great time on your date!

  • - Yeah, come on Passion, there's room for you too.

  • - Get him off me, get him off me!

  • (crowd laughs) (laughs)

  • - Giddy up, Date!

  • (swish)

  • (knives scraping)

  • Kola Kola, babola, banana fana fafola, me my mobola,

  • Kola! (laughs)

  • - Absolutely incredible.

  • - Thanks, it just came to me.

  • - Yeah I'm not talking to you.

  • I'm talking to, her.

  • - Ola, Kola.

  • - Oh, hi Mento.

  • - Orange, is that can of Kola

  • in love with that pack of Mentoes?

  • - Kiss me you aluminum hunk.

  • - No! (gentle instrumental music)

  • (thud) (record scraping)

  • - What's the big idea dude?

  • - Yeah Pear, you totally just pop blocked him. (laughs)

  • - Do you have any idea what happens when Kola meets Mentoes?

  • - I don't know, babies?

  • - An explosion!

  • - An explosion of love? (upbeat instrumental music)

  • - No! (swish)

  • - Hey guys, what's up?

  • (gasps) Oh be still my heart.

  • (swish) - Now you put

  • the ball in baller, Balloon, look at you.

  • - Take me, take me now!

  • - No! (tense instrumental music)

  • (squelching) (record scraping)

  • - There he goes pop blocking again. (laughs)

  • (trombone music) That's right,

  • I am pop blocking.

  • 'Cause a pop is exactly what's gonna happen

  • if the two of you get together!

  • - Well, I think we should be free to love whoever we choose.

  • - Yeah!

  • - (screams) Am I the only one here

  • without the brain the size of an insect.

  • - Hey, I resent that, oh my God.

  • (swish)