-Yeah. -Now I know it's important

to keep up with current events, even if it can be depressing,

so it's time for another edition of "Sad News."

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

So, we're gonna read some real headlines.

I repeat -- these are absolutely real.

And, as always, brace yourself,

because these are really very sad.

DJ Daniel.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

Sad news -- the North Pole's

Christmas in Ice was cancelled due to a lack of ice.

[ Laughter ]

-Sad news -- a nude man was arrested

after being found in a chicken coop.

His excuse for being there was that he did way too much meth.

[ Laughter ]

-Sad news -- R. Kelly's lawyer is complaining that the singer

can only visit with one of his girlfriends at a time.

[ Audience "Awws," laughter ]

-Sad news -- German piglets were given a chance

to defend their rights in court

to stop themselves from being neutered.

[ Audience "Awws" ]

Can they talk?

[ Light laughter ] -Can they --

-I don't know. -How would they do that?

-So sad. -In my brain, it's adorable.

[ Chuckles ]

Sad news -- a man too intoxicated

to work his Steak 'n Shake shift robbed the restaurant instead.

[ Laughter ]

Relatable, y'all!

[ Laughter ]

-Sad news -- a Florida man drove his Ferrari into the water.

When asked for a comment by police,

he said, "Jesus told me to."

[ Laughter ]

-Hallelujah.

It's very sad. [ Laughter ]

Very sad. -Very, very sad.

-That was "Sad News," everybody! -Yay.

[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you so much, Fortune.