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( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: WELL, THE WORLD
CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT EVERYONE'S FAVORITE TROUBLED
ROYAL TWOSOME.
BRAD PITT AND JENNIFER ANISTON.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT ALSO MEGHAN AND HARRY, WHO
HAVE DRAGGED BRITAIN INTO "MEGXIT."
OR AS I CALL IT "HARR-ABDICATION."
IT'S GOING TO CATCH ON.
GIVE IT TIME!
I SAY GOOD ON THEM FOR LEAVING.
THE BRITISH PRESS IS DOING TO THIS FAMILY EXACTLY WHAT THEY
DID TO HARRY'S MOTHER, PLUS RACISM.
THE WORLD WAS RIVETED YESTERDAY WHEN HARRY GAVE A SPEECH IN
LONDON, AND SPOKE PUBLICLY FOR THE FIRST TIME ABOUT
HARR-ABDICATION-- SEE?
IT'S ALREADY CATCHING ON.
( LAUGHTER ) AND MADE IT CLEAR THAT THE
TREATMENT OF HIS FAMILY BY THE TABLOIDS HAD BECOME TOO MUCH.
>> IT BRINGS ME GREAT SADNESS THAT IT HAS COME TO THIS.
THE DECISION THAT I HAVE MADE FOR MY WIFE AND I TO STEP BACK
IS NOT ONE I MADE LIGHTLY.
THERE REALLY WAS NO OTHER OPTION.
I HOPE THAT HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT HAD COME TO THAT I WOULD
STEP MY FAMILY BACK FROM ALL I'VE EVER KNOWN, TO TAKE A STEP
FORWARD INTO WHAT I HOPE CAN BE A MORE PEACEFUL LIFE.
>> STEPHEN: PEACEFUL LIFE?
HARRY, YOU HAVE A FOUR-MONTH -- EIGHT-MONTH-OLD BABY.
YOU WON'T HAVE A PEACEFUL LIFE AGAIN FOR THE NEXT 18 YEARS.
RIGHT NOW, JUST SHOOT FOR A "LESS PUKED-ON" LIFE.
ALTHOUGH MEGHAN IS ALREADY IN CANADA WITH THEIR SON ARCHIE,
HARRY INSISTS THEY ARE NOT BREAKING ENTIRELY WITH
BUCKINGHAM PALACE.
>> WHAT I WANT TO MAKE CLEAR IS THAT WE'RE NOT WALKING AWAY.
>> STEPHEN: "WE'RE FLYING AWAY ON AN AIRPLANE.
( LAUGHTER ) TURNS OUT IF YOU WALK FROM
ENGLAND TO CANADA, YOU DROWN OR GET EATEN BY SHARKS."
( LAUGHTER ) HARRY AND MEGHAN WILL ALSO
REPAY THE $3.1 MILLION IN PUBLIC MONEY USED TO REFURBISH FROGMORE
COTTAGE."
WAIT, THERE'S AN ACTUAL PLACE CALLED FROGMORE COTTAGE?
( LAUGHTER ) THAT SOUNDS MADE-UP LIKE
HOGWARTS, HUMPTY DUMPTY, OR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH.
( LAUGHTER ) AND DESPITE GIVING UP HIS H.R.H.
TITLE, HARRY REMAINS SIXTH IN LINE FOR THE CROWN, WHICH PUTS
HIM JUST BEHIND PRINCE WILLIAMS' CHILDREN AND JUST AHEAD OF JOHN
GOODMAN.
( LAUGHTER ) AND TO MAKE THE WHOLE THING EVEN
MORE OFFICIAL, ON SATURDAY, QUEEN ELIZABETH HERSELF
ANNOUNCED THAT HARRY AND MEGHAN "WILL NO LONGER BE WORKING
MEMBERS OF BRITAIN'S MONARCHY."
SO THERE'S A JOB OPENING IN THE ROYAL FAMILY.
MAYBE A MEGXIT MEANS A COLBENTRANCE.
( LAUGHTER ) HI!
HOW ARE YOU?
MRS. QUEEN -- CAN I CALL YOU QUEENY?
MY NAME IS STEPHEN COLBERT.
I'M INTERESTED IN THE POSITION OF ROYAL HIGHNESS.
I HAVE NO FORMAL TRAINING IN BEING A PRINCE, BUT I HAVE BEEN
TOLD I'M A ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS.
( LAUGHTER ) ANYWAY, I'M A FAST LEARNER, I'M
HIGHLY MOTIVATED, I CAN WAVE BACKWARDS, AND I'VE NEVER MET
JEFFREY EPSTEIN.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JIM
GAFFIGAN.
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Harry & Meghan Are Out. Could Stephen Colbert Be The Next Duke Of Sussex?

28 分類 收藏
林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 2 月 21 日
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