WAR.

WE'RE SO NOT AT WAR THAT THERE'S BIG NEWS ABOUT THE BRITISH ROYAL

FAMILY.

BRACE YOURSELF: PRINCE HARRY AND MEGHAN MARKLE, THE DUKE AND

DUCHESS OF SUSSEX, HAVE RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING, "WE INTEND

TO STEP BACK AS 'SENIOR' MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY."

THAT'S RIGHT, HARRY AND MEGHAN ARE STEPPING DOWN AS SENIOR

MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS?

BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.

I HAVE-- THERE ARE SENIOR LEVELS OF ROYAL.

>> Jon: THEY HAVE LEVELS.

>> Stephen: I THOUGHT IT WENT KING, QUEEN, PRINCE AND

PRINCESS, JACK OF SPADES, BOY WIZARD, DUKES OF HAZZARD, AND

THEN CARTOON MOUSE THAT SEWS CINDERELLA'S DRESS.

( LAUGHTER ) ACCORDING TO THE COUPLE'S

STATEMENT, THEY'RE WITHDRAWING FROM SOME OF THEIR OFFICIAL

DUTIES AND NOW PLAN TO BALANCE THEIR TIME BETWEEN THE UNITED

KINGDOM AND NORTH AMERICA.

I SAY, "WELCOME, MEGHAN AND HARRY.

ON BEHALF OF ALL FORMER REBELS AGAINST THE BRITISH CROWN,

YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE DECLARING INDEPENDENCE.

IT COMES WITH FREE SPEECH AND UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS."

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?

>> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TOW LOVE IT.

>> Stephen: DECROWNING THEMSELVES WILL BRING SOME BIG

LIFE CHANGES, BECAUSE IT WILL ALLOW HARRY AND MEGHAN TO WORK

FOR MONEY, SOMETHING THEY CURRENTLY CAN'T DO.

THIS IS GREAT.

SHE'S AN ACTRESS.

THIS MEANS MEGHAN MARKLE CAN GO BACK TO "SUITS!"

AND HARRY CAN SELL THEM AT MEN'S WEARHOUSE!

( LAUGHTER ) THIS CAME-- THIS CAME AS-- I'D

BUY A SUIT FROM HIM, SURE!

THIS CAME AS A SHOCK TO EVERYONE.

ONE BBC JOURNALIST REPORTS, "NO OTHER MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY

WAS CONSULTED BEFORE HARRY AND MEGHAN ISSUED THEIR PERSONAL

STATEMENT TONIGHT.

THE PALACE IS UNDERSTOOD TO BE DISAPPOINTED."

OH, DISAPPOINTED.

TRANS: THAT MEANS HER MAJESTY IS

QUEEN ELIZA-PIIIISSSED!