字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THOSE OF YOU WHO WATCHED THE DEBATE EARLIER TONIGHT HERE ON ABC AND FORGOT TO TURN THE TELEVISION OFF, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. YOU KNOW, TONIGHT WE WATCHED THE THIRD DEMOCRATIC DEBATE, THIS TIME FROM HOUSTON, TEXAS. IT WAS EXCITING, YOU KNOW, WATCH BEING THE CANDIDATE THE TACKLE ISSUES IS AS CLOSE AS WE GET TO FOOTBALL. THEY ALL TRIED TO STAND OUT AND AVOID BEING ELIMINATED UNDER EXTREME TIME PRESSURE IN A TELEVISED EVENT. NOW LET'S PUT 45 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GO. THIS WAS A LARGE CAST OF CHARACTERS. TO HELP VIEWER KEEP TRACK OF WHO WAS WHO, ABC DID SOMETHING SPECIAL. ♪ THE ELECTION IS QUICKLY APPROACHING ♪ ♪ AND WE'VE GOT DECISIONS TO MAKE ♪ ♪ WITH SO MANY PEOPLE TO CHOOSE FROM ♪ ♪ WE DON'T WANT TO MAKE A MISTAKE ♪ ♪ WE CAN ONLY SEND ONE TO THE WHITE HOUSE ♪ ♪ AND THE OTHERS WILL HAVE TO GO HOME ♪ ♪ DEMS THE BREAKS ♪ ♪ YEAH, DEMS THE BREAKS ♪ ♪ WHOEVER GOES HOME WILL SAY DEMS THE BREAKS ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Jimmy: I WOULDN'T WATCH THAT SHOW. IT IS WEIRD THAT THEY PUT TEN CANDIDATES ON THE STAGE. HERE'S HOW, I'D PUT THE FOUR FRONT RUNNERS AT THE CENTER OF THE STAGE AND LET THE OTHER SIX DANGLE OFF THE STAGE BY THEIR FINGERTIPS. MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG WAS UP WAY PAST HIS BEDTIME. HE ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE DEBATE. YOU CAN SEE HE GOT STUCK IN THE CLAW MACHINE AT THE DAVE AND BUSTERS AT THE BAY BROOK MALL, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS ABLE TO FISH HIM OUT. THE MODERATORS TONIGHT WERE GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, DAVID MUIR AND JORGE RAMOS. THEY HIT THE CANDIDATES WITH ALL THE TOUGH QUESTIONS LIKE, IF ELECTED, HOW DO WE KNOW YOU WON'T LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME AND DRAW ON WEATHER MAPS WITH A SHARPIE, AND THEY ANSWERED THOSE QUESTIONS WELL. YOU CAN BET ON THE EVENTS OF THE DEBATE. THESE ARE ARE WWHAT THEY CALL P BETS. CAN YOU BET, WILL JOE BIDEN HAVE A GAFFE THAT TRENDS ON TWITTER. YOU BET $100, YOU GET $200 IF IT WAS YES. $300 FOR NO. THE ANSWER WAS NO. HOW MANY TIMES WILL JOE BIDEN MENTION OBAMA, OVER/UNDER ONE AND A HALF TIMES. THAT WENT OVER. IT WAS TWO. TIMES DONALD TRUMP WILL TWEET DURING THE DEBATE. IT WAS UNDER. HE WAS BUSY. WILL BETO O'ROURKE SPEAK SPANISH DURING THE DEBATE. HE DID. WILL JOE BIDEN CHOKE ON HIS TEETH DURING THE DEBATE. HE ACTUALLY DID. JOE BIDEN DID, HE DID WELL TONIGHT. HE WAS FACING THE RIGHT DIRECTION. HIS PANTS WERE ON. IT WAS, IT WAS A GOOD OUTING FOR HIM. YOU KNOW, THERE WERE THREE WOMEN ON STAGE. IF ANY OF THESE WOMEN ARE ELECTED, IT WOULD BE HISTORIC, AND IF, IF BERNIE OR BIDEN WERE TO WIN, IT WOULD BE PREHISTORIC. BUT BERNIE WAS -- [ APPLAUSE ] BECAUSE HE'S SO OLD IS WHAT I'M SAYING. THEIR AGE. BERNIE WAS VERY BERNIE TONIGHT. HE CAME RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE YELLING. HIS VOICE WAS CRAZY. IT SOUNDED LIKE HE SWALLOWED A FROG. HE WAS SCREAMING LOUDER THAN CAM NEWTON AT THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE. HE GAVE A STRONG WARNING TO GIVING AMERICANS AFFORDABLE THROAT LOZENGES. >> IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WE ARE SPENDING TWICE AS MUCH PER CAPITA ON HEALTH CARE AS THE CANADIANS OR ANY OTHER MAJOR COUNTRY ON EARTH. >> Jimmy: HE HAD HIS TURN SIGNAL ON FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. THAT WAS EMBARRASSING. I FELT BAD FOR HIM. [ APPLAUSE ] THIS WAS THE FIRST DEBATE WHERE JOE BIDEN AND ELIZABETH WARREN WERE ON STAGE TOGETHER. THEY'VE BEEN DESCRIBED AS FRENEMIES. IT'S A WEIRD SITUATION. ELIZABETH WARREN IS THE CANDIDATE MOST DEMOCRATS SAY THEY'D LIKE TO VOTE FOR, BUT THE MAJORITY OF DEMOCRATS THINK JOE BIDEN IS THE GUY THE COUNTRY WOULD VOTE FOR. BUT I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA TO TRY TO GUESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT. THAT'S HOW YOU WIND UP EATING AT GOLDEN CORRAL. I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO COME HERE. MOST OF WHAT HAS THE DEMOCRATS WORRIED IS AFTER HILLARY, WILL ANOTHER FEMALE CANDIDATE BE ABLE TO BEAT DONALD TRUMP? WILL IT BE TOO RISKY? I THINK A FEMALE HAS A BETTER CHANCE AGAINST TRUMP, ESPECIALLY IN A DEBATE. WOMEN ARE MUCH BETTER AT HANDLING BABIES THAN MEN. IT'S A BIOLOGICAL FACT. SOME MADE WAVES, MOST NOTABLY, THE BUSINESSMAN, ANDREW YANG. HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER SAID HE'D BE DOING SOMETHING NO PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HAS EVER DONE BEFORE, WHICH IS EXCITING TO HEAR, BECAUSE THERE CAN BE SO MANY THINGS. MAYBE HE WAS PLANNING TO EAT A TIDE POD ON CAMERA. OR RIDE IN ON AN OSTRICH. WHO KNOWS. BUT ANDREW YANG DID NONE OF THOSE THINGS. INSTEAD, HE GAVE AWAY CASH. >> I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING UNPRECEDENTED TONIGHT. MY CAMPAIGN WILL NOW GIVE A FREEDOM DIVIDEND OF $1,000 A MONTH FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR TO TEN AMERICAN FAMILIES. SOMEONE WATCHING THIS AT HOME RIGHT NOW. IF YOU BELIEVE THAT CAN YOU SOLVE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS BETTER THAN ANY POLITICIAN, GO TO YANG2020.COM AND TELL US HOW $1,000 A MONTH WILL HELP YOU DO JUST THAT. >> Jimmy: LIKE A RADIO STATION CONTEST. THIS THOUSAND DOLLAR THURSDAY. THAT MAY BE THE MOST RIDICULOUS PROPOSAL I'VE SEEN ON THIS NETWORK, AND I'VE WATCHED EVERY EPISODE OF THE BACHELORETTE. HE ALSO HAD FUN WHEN HE TOOK THE STAGE TONIGHT. >> ENTREPRENEUR ANDREW YANG. [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I'D LIKE TO SEE JOE BIDEN DO THAT. SOME OF THE CANDIDATES WENT AFTER JOE BIDEN, LIKE HE WAS SOME KIND OF DEAD BEAT DAD ON THE MAURY POVICH SHOW. JULIAN CASTRO IN PARTICULAR. THERE WAS ONE MOMENT WHEN CASTRO LASHED OUT AT BIDEN FOR FORGETTING SOMETHING, WHICH HE DIDN'T FORGET, BY THE WAY, AND BERNIE APPEARED TO LEAN OVER AND HELP JOE OUT. IT WAS KIND OF ENDEARING. IT MADE ME HOPEFUL FOR A REBOOT OF GRUMPY OLD MEN. B BETO O'ROURKE HAD A BETTER NIGHT. O HE LOOKS LIKE THE HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER YOU KNOW HAS WEED IN HIS DESK. HE CALLED DONALD TRUMP A WHITE SUPREMACIST AND ANNOUNCED A PLAN FOR A REPARATIONS BILL AND A NEW MADEA MOVIE BY THE END OF THE YEAR. CORY BOOKER WAS THE ONLY UNMARRIED CANDIDATE IN THE DEBATE. THAT WOULD BE INTERESTING, A SINGLE PRESIDENT. YOU SEE HIM ON TINDER. CAN'T SWIPE RIGHT ON A DEMOCRAT. HAVE TO SWIPE LEFT ON THEM, RIGHT? HE'S DATING ROSARIO DAWSON, THE ACTRESS. BUT EVEN THOUGH THEY LIVE TOGETHER A LOT OF THE TIME, UNTIL THREE DAYS AGO, SHE HADN'T OFFICIALLY ENDORSED HIM, WHICH IS, I MEAN, HOW MANY DISHES MUST THIS GUY LEAVE IN THE SINK? OVERALL, I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD DEBATE. I THOUGHT ABC NEWS DID A GREAT JOB. I DON'T KNOW WHO WON THE DEBATE, BUT WATCHING CANDIDATES DISCUSS THE ISSUES INTELLIGENTLY, USING REAL FACTS, I'D FORGOTTEN WHAT IT WAS LIKE. IT WAS LIKE WALKING OUT OF NORTH KOREA AND INTO A COSTCO. IT WAS THAT SAME. PRESIDENT TRUMP TOLD REPORTERS HE WOULD NOT WATCH THE DEBATE LIVE TONIGHT. SAID HE WAS GOING TO TAPE IT AND WATCH IT LATER AS A RERUN. THIS IS WHAT HE WAS DOING DURING THE DEBATE. >> THE LIGHT BULB. PEOPLE SAID WHAT'S WITH THE LIGHT BULB. I SAID HERE'S THE STORY. I LOOKED AT IT, THE BULB WE'RE FORCED TO USE, NUMBER ONE, MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE LIGHT'S NO GOOD. I ALWAYS LOOK ORANGE. >> Jimmy: YEAH. IT'S THE LIGHT BULB THAT MAKES YOU LOOK ORANGE. NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TAN IN A CAN. [ APPLAUSE ] TRUMP ALSO ENTERTAINED THE GANG OF THE INSTITUTE WITH A ROUTINE ABOUT SLEEPY JOE BIDEN AND PRESIDENT XI. WE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO SLOW IT DOWN FOR TONIGHT'S EDITION OF DRUNK DONALD TRUMP. >> HE WANTS SLEEPY JOE. CAN YOU IMAGINE THOSE TWO GUYS IN A ROOM? XI, HA, AND HERE'S SLEEPY JOE, WHAT? WHERE AM I? WHERE AM I? JUST SIGN HERE, SLEEPY JOE. JUST SIGN HERE. ♪ ♪ [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: SO, IN BETWEEN HIS STANDUP FIGURES SHALL THE PRESIDENT IS STILL FIGURING OUT WHO'S GOING TO REPLACE HIS NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER. THERE WERE REPORTS TODAY THAT HE WAS THINKING ABOUT GIVING THE JOB TO MIKE POMPEO WHO WOULD THEN HAVE TWO JOBS TO BE FIRED FROM IN THREE MONTHS, WHICH WOULD BE UNUSUAL BUT NOT UNPRECEDENTED. THERE WAS ONE OTHER SECRETARY OF STATE WHO ALSO ACTED AS NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER, HENRY KISSINGER, WHICH WOULD MAKE SENSE FOR TRUMP, BECAUSE NOBODY KISSINGER KISSINGER KISSINGERS HIS ASS LIKE MIKE POMPEO. HE MADE IT CLEAR HE HAS MANY OPTIONS TO FILL THIS MOST RECENT HOLE. >> A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT THE JOB. IT'S A GREAT JOB. IT'S GREAT BECAUSE IT'S A LOT OF FUN TO WORK WITH DONALD TRUMP, AND IT'S VERY EASY, ACTUALLY, TO WORK WITH ME. YOU KNOW WHY IT'S EASY? I MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS. THEY DON'T HAVE TO WORK. >> Jimmy: SOUNDS LIKE A TERRIFIC WORKING ENVIRONMENT. HE MAKES ALL THE DECISION, WHETHER THEY BE ORIGINAL RECIPE OR EXTRA CRISPY. OF ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS HE'S BEEN TRYING TO DO, THERE'S ONE SUBJECT ON WHICH THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN CRYSTAL CLEAR, AND THAT IS THIS. >> I'M AN ENVIRONMENTALIST. I WANT CRYSTAL CLEAN WATER. I WANT CRYSTAL CLEAN WATER. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE CRYSTAL CLEAN WATER. CLEAN, BEAUTIFUL, CRYSTAL WATER. CLEAN, CRYSTAL CLEAN WATER. WE WANT CLEAN WATER. CRYSTAL. CLEAN, BEAUTIFUL, CRYSTAL WATER. NICE, BEAUTIFUL, CLEAN WATER. >> Jimmy: SO WHAT DID THEY ANNOUNCE TODAY? THEY'RE ROLLING BACK OBAMA'S CLEAN WATER ACT WHICH LIMITS THE AMOUNT OF CHEMICALS BUSINESSES CAN PUT IN OUR WATER. HOW DOES IT WORK. DID THEY WAKE UP AND SAY WHAT HORRIBLE THING CAN WE DO TODAY? I KNOW, LET'S POISON THE WATER. HE'S ROLLED BACK PROTECTION OF THE WATER, AIR, ENDANGERED SPECIES AND PUBLIC LAND. ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS ROLLING BACK WHAT OBAMA D IID. I'M SURPRISED HE DIDN'T ORDER SASHA AND MALEAH BACK INTO THE WOMB. THE CANDIDATES WERE WARNED BY ABC NEWS AND THE DNC NOT TO USE FOUL LANGUAGE, BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING WE'VE LEARNED, IT'S THAT VOTERS WILL NOT TOLERATE A PRESIDENT WHO USES FOUL LANGUAGE. WITH THAT SAID, IT'S TIME FOR A SPECIAL DEBATE EDITION OF THIS WEEK IN UNNECESSARY CENSORSHIP. >> LAST YEAR, DEMOCRATS [ BLEEP ]ED 40 REPUBLICAN [ BLEEP ]S IN THE HOUSE. >> I'VE MET PEOPLE [ BLEEP ] THEIR DOCTORS. I'VE MET PEOPLE WHO [ BLEEP ] THEIR NURSES, WHO [ BLEEP ] THEIR PHARMACISTS. >> YOU'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THE WORKING CLASS ISSUES. THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE A [ BLEEP ] AFTER WORK. >> THIS IS ABOUT HONESTY, BIG [ BLEEP ]. >> IN MY DEBATE I WAS CALLED A [ BLEEP ] FROM THE IRON RANGE. WHEN SHE SAID IT, I SAID [ BLEEP ] YOU. >> THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR YOU AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. [ BLEEP ] YOU. >> I KNOW HOW [ BLEEP ]. AND I KNOW HOW TO WIN. I [ BLEEP ] GIANT [ BLEEP ], AND I BEAT THEM. >> I AM ASIAN. SO I HAVE A LOT OF [ BLEEP ], [ BLEEP ]. >> IF YOU WANT TO COMPARE [ BLEEP
B1 中級 美國腔 吉米-金梅爾分解民主黨辯論 (Jimmy Kimmel Breaks Down Democratic Debate) 21 0 王惟惟 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日 更多分享 分享 收藏 回報 影片單字