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  • 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,240 Today is the Jewish New Year.

  • So in honor of the Jewish New Year,

  • I replaced my rap air horn [AIR HORN]

  • with the traditional Jewish instrument, the shofar.

  • [SHOFAR HORN]

  • [SHOFAR HORN]

  • [SHOFAR HORN]

  • According to the Jewish calendar, the year is 5778

  • and I'm still writing 5777 on my checks.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • [SHOFAR HORN]

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • [SHOFAR HORN]

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Ah.

  • Also, it's Monday, and you all seem to be in a good mood.

  • But in case you're not, I want to make sure you

  • start your week off right.

  • So I found some web videos that should put everybody

  • in a good mood.

  • By law, I have to show at least one cute cat video,

  • so I'll get that out of the way, right away.

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • Awwww.

  • I know it.

  • This kitty's like, let me in.

  • I want to be--

  • get some of that.

  • Let me in.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I-- I want to be in there.

  • 00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:10,130 They're not even disturbing the other two.

  • They're sound asleep.

  • He's looking for something to drink I think.

  • He's-- Aww, that's cute.

  • So adorable.

  • All right.

  • There are some videos online that--

  • that show you how to open a wine bottle

  • if you don't have a corkscrew.

  • These are-- this apparently you can use a shoe

  • to open a wine bottle.

  • So if you're drinking wine and you don't have a wine opener

  • then something's wrong.

  • 00:01:40,445 --> 00:01:41,839 [STOMP]

  • [STOMP]

  • Oh my God.

  • [STOMP]

  • [STOMP]

  • Yay!

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • 00:01:52,937 --> 00:01:54,800 So, yeah.

  • Apparently he doesn't have glasses either.

  • No wine screw, no-- no corkscrew.

  • All right and here's someone trying it for the first time

  • who didn't do it right.

  • [STOMP]

  • [STOMP]

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,460 Ooh.

  • Yeah, all right.

  • This next video went viral over the summer.

  • It's a nun throwing out the first pitch at Chicago White

  • Sox game.

  • 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:35,049 [APPLAUSE]

  • Yeah.

  • That was impressive.

  • Yeah, that was impressive but, I also

  • found some footage of what happened later in the game.

  • Sister Mary Jo who--

  • who's going to throw out the first pitch.

  • See that and now, it breaks out again.

  • And this is a good one, folks.

  • Now he's going off-- he knew it was going to happen.

  • You said it was going to happen to Kansas City.

  • These two teams are going to have some problems.

  • That's absolutely [INAUDIBLE].

  • [INTERPOSING VOICES]

  • [INAUDIBLE] took exception to it, and there was a wild swing.

  • That's just absolutely stupidity.

  • That's all it is, sheer stupidity!

  • Aww.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • 00:03:21,790 --> 00:03:23,420 You know, sometimes I look at things

  • and I think, oh, that's too stupid, I won't show them.

  • And sometimes I think that's just stupid enough.

  • So this next video is a man giving a self-defense lesson.

  • I think-- I think he was trying to give a self-defense--

  • I don't know, but it doesn't matter.

  • It's enjoyable.

  • [SPEAKING SPANISH]

  • 00:03:46,804 --> 00:03:49,678 [LAUGHTER]

  • 00:04:04,850 --> 00:04:06,049 [SLAP]

  • 00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,150 [SLAP]

  • [LAUGHTER]

00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,240 Today is the Jewish New Year.

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