Thank you.

Thank you.

How are you?

Jimmy, I'm fantastic.

How are you?

You're about to get even "fantastic-er,"

because I know you are very generous,

giving gifts to your audience for 12 Days here,

and really all year-round.

That's the way it is.

[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

So we teamed up.

I went out into the audience, in the line,

waiting to get in the show.

And I had everybody who was willing to donate

give something for you, for Ellen, for Christmas.

This is Band-Aids.

They fell out of the box.

Wow.

A lint roller, everyone can always use one of those.

There was a rubber band too.

Rubber bands, all yours.

Wow.

Thank you, Julie, for the rubber bands.

There are the Band-Aids.

Thank you so much.

We've got Post-Its.

We've got some kind of an ointment, antibiotic, in case

you get hurt.

And well, just take the whole purse, really.

Wow.

That's for you--

Wow.

--from all of us.

And somebody gave sunglasses.

And sunglasses too, yeah.

Thank you so much.

Actually, no one really gave those sunglasses.

I just took them out of their purse, so--

I see.

All right, well, thank you all so much.

That's very kind of you.

I don't know what to say.

[LAUGHTER]

So I'll say nothing at all.

Just a simple thank you note to each and every one of us

will suffice.

Oh, all right.

[LAUGHTER]

Are you good at things like that, thank you notes?

I do write thank you notes, and it

is the worst part of my year.

It really is, because I get a lot of gifts,

because everybody who works on my show

gives me a gift, ass-kissers.

You know how that goes.

Yeah, right.

And I have to write a note for each one,

and I'd almost trade the gift to not have to write the note.

Wait, I'm going to back up here.

Everyone who works on your show gives you a gift?

Oh, they must, or they're fired.

Wow.

[LAUGHTER]

[SATISFIED LAUGH] Is that not happening here?

[LAUGHS] Well, in fairness, I give them all gifts.

I'm a--

Oh, I give all of them gifts.

Oh, you do?

Yes, they get gifts from me, but I don't get them from them.

And you don't notice on your birthday when there's nothing?

Yeah, no-- no, I get things.

The gorillas get all your gifts, really, is what happens.

I get love is what I get.

That's right.

Now for Christmas-- because I know you love to cook.

So that's--

I do.

--and we'll talk about Thanksgiving in a minute,

that you went to Jen's and cooked, but--

That's true.

--who does the shopping?

Do you do online shopping, or do you and Molly

go shopping for Christmas?

Online shopping, I do it mostly myself.

Molly is largely uninvolved in my lunacy.

I have a 13-page document, single spaced.

I have gifts from last year for each person, what I gave them.

To remember what you--

A single X means I've ordered the gift.

A double X means the gift has arrived.

Three Xs means we've watched a porno together.

No three Xs--

[LAUGHTER]

--means the gift has now been wrapped and given

to the person.

Wow, Jimmy.

I have everything color coded.

I'm a crazy person, because it's the only way

I can keep it all straight.

Jimmy, that's amazing.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

No, that is really amazing that you--

I know it makes most people hate me,

but that's just how I do it.

I give out a lot of gifts.

I have to.

Yeah, you sure do.

And I always get something very thoughtful from you too.

You're really a thoughtful guy.

Well, thank you, Ellen.

Good for you.

So for Thanksgiving, I saw-- because Jen posted--

because now she's fancy on Instagram.

She's like-- she loves sharing now.

Like all of a sudden, she's on Instagram

with all kinds of things.

And she showed--

I remember a time-- and you probably

do too in the '90s-- when Jennifer Aniston had,

what, three friends, four friends.

Just the three or four of them.

Now she's got 20 million friends.

Yeah.

And she has something called-- you know what Friendsgiving is?

This is something that I think started

with college students who wanted to spend as little time

with their parents as possible.

[LAUGHTER]

You come home from college and say, oh, I

can't stay with you tonight, Mom.

I have to go to Friendsgiving.

So they go to their friend's house,

or the friends would all gather.

And a terrible thing happened along the way.

Someone decided to start serving all the same stuff

at Friendsgiving that you eat on Thanksgiving.

So you've got turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes,

the whole thing.

And then the next night, you have turkey, stuffing,

sweet potatoes, the whole thing.

And this upsets me.

Now Jen has Friendsgiving at her house,

and we will traditionally go.

And I look at her--

I mean, she makes beautiful stuff.

Her turkey is great.

Her sweet potatoes have corn flakes in them, OK?

They're unbelievably good, really good.

Is it an accident, or she did that on purpose?

[LAUGHTER]

There was a spill in the cereal aisle, yeah.

And so now, the next night, when my family comes over,

and a couple of people who come to her Friendsgiving,

it's just-- my meal is now leftovers

that I spend the whole time working on.

So I said in, I thought, a nice way to Jen,

maybe it would be a good idea if you served--

I know you love Mexican food-- maybe

Mexican food would be a nice thing for you to serve

at Friendsgiving.

It would be.

She didn't take it that well.

[LAUGHTER]

The result was Jen made me enchiladas,

and not just enchiladas, but effing enchiladas.

And I'm going to tell you something-- everyone

wanted the enchiladas.

I bet they did.

I only got one enchilada, because everyone else

ate my enchiladas this Friendsgiving.

Yeah.

So let's talk about this--

how long ago did you open the comedy club in Las Vegas?

We opened the comedy club in April of this year.

We're still in this year.

Yes.

I'm from Las Vegas.

I grew up there, and so we thought, oh, it'd

be fun to open a comedy club here.

And we did, and it's going great.

That's so cool.

People seem to like it.

Yeah?

It's doing well?

It's doing very well, yeah.

That's fantastic.

We get comedians coming to it and everything.

Oh, wow, and then people watching the comedians as well?

There are people sitting in chairs, looking

at the comedians on the stage.

I don't know that it's ever been done.

They say that I'm the first to do it,

but it's working out well.

Facing the comedian?

They face each other?

That's right.

Yeah, you are the first.

[CHUCKLES]

All right, we're going to take a break.

More with Jimmy, we'll talk about this book that you wrote

and you did all the illustrations.

I did, indeed, yes.

Very, very impressive.

We'll be right back.