I love living with a woman.

我很享受跟一個女人在一起。

It's great.

超棒的。

I don't run out of stuff anymore.

東西再也不會被用完。

Especially in the bathroom and guys who live by themselves know that's a problem sometimes.

尤其是浴室裡的，自己住的男性一定懂，有時候這真的是個問題。

Some... sometimes he'll just get in the shower in the morning, be like, there's no soap in here.

有時候他會在早上走進淋浴間，發現，這裡沒有肥皂了。

I'm fresh out of ideas, alright.

我不知道該怎麼辦了，好吧！

I'll just turn the water up hotter, I guess.

看來我只能把水調熱一點。

Yes, scrub really hard with a loofah, you know.

對，用絲瓜刷用力一點，你懂的。

My wife will buy multiple bottles of shampoo at a time.

我老婆會一次買好幾罐洗髪精。

It's a brilliant idea, it is...

這主意真是太棒了，真是...

Never crossed my mind at all.

我從來沒有想過。

I buy one, one bottle of shampoo, and then when it gets to the end...

我都買一罐，一罐洗髮精，然後等我用完的時候...

Unscrew the top hold it up to the shower.

把蓋子轉開，把瓶子舉到蓮蓬頭那。

Oh, you people all have done this, you know what I am talking, maybe a little, little shampoo cocktail for yourself there.

噢，你們一定都這麼幹過，你們知道我在說什麼，或許給你自己來點洗髮精特調。

Alright, this is gonna be the same thing.

好喔，這會跟原本的一樣。

Wow, that goes right in the eyes, look at that.

哇，它直接跑進眼睛裡了，你看看。

Maybe if you like me, you dive into the sink you bust out the hotel miniatures you've been stealing for the past 15 years.

或許你跟我一樣，你會到洗臉盆的下面抓出過去 15 年來你一直從飯店裡偷走的瓶瓶罐罐。

Alright, candle with sweets.

來吧，香香的蠟燭味道。

What do we got today? All right.

今天我們有什麼口味？來吧。

Blueberry, alright.

藍莓，好喔。

I wouldn't normally use blueberry shampoo, but I don't really have much of an option.

我通常不會用藍莓的洗髮精，不過我沒什麼選擇。

And this is... this is moisturizer, yuck!

然後這個... 這個是乳液，噁！

I'm just gonna be shiny all day, alright.

我今天一整天都會亮晶晶的了，好吧。

My wife and I moved into an apartment that has two bathrooms.

我和我老婆搬進有兩間浴室的公寓。

Which I think already just adds another five years to our marriage.

我想這已經為我們的婚姻多爭取了五年的時間。

The fact that we don't have to compete for a shower in the morning...

我們不必在早上搶浴室這件事...

And we never take a shower together.

而且我們從來不一起洗澡。

I think some people think that's strange.

我想有些人會覺得這很奇怪。

But honestly, it's just not practical for us because when you first get together with somebody the idea of taking a shower together sounds awesome.

但說實在的，這對我們來說真的很不實際，因為當你剛開始跟某個人在一起的時候，一起洗澡聽起來是個很棒的主意。

A woman's like, hey, I'm... I'm thinking about taking a shower.

有個女人說，嘿，我想... 我想來洗個澡。

Hopefully not in that voice.

最好不是用那種嗓音啦。

I should point that out.

我應該先講清楚。

Hey, you wanna take a shower?

嘿，你想不想洗個澡？

Pass.

過。

It's very appealing when you first get together, though.

不過當你們剛在一起的時候真的很吸引人。

But any guy here that lives with a woman knows that if you try and take a shower together.

但這裡任何一個和女性住在一起的男人都知道，如果你們試著一起洗澡。

Odds are it's just gonna turn into you standing in the back for about six minutes.

結果很有可能只是你站在後面大概 6 分鐘。

It's freezing back here.

後面這裡超冷。

It's really cold.

真的很冷。

I... I can see it's hot up there, I can... I can see the steam.

我... 我看得出來上面很熱，我可以... 可以看到蒸氣。

That's where I stand when I take a shower quite frankly.

坦白說我洗澡的時候就是站那裡的。

Sweetie... but what happens though is the water hits the top of your forehead.

親愛的... 但實際上是，水只會打到你額頭上。

And it comes off as this cool fine mist and that's all I get to work with, I get a little produce shower.

然後它們成為細細涼涼的水氣流下來，我能用的就這麼多，一點點零星的淋浴。

This could take forever for me to get clean.

我要洗乾淨大概要花上一輩子。

It's my turn, alright, fantastic, cool, alright.

到我了，好喔，太好了，好。

Here we go.

來吧！

We're on different rinsing cycles.

我們的清洗循環不一樣。

I don't wanna mess that up, cool.

我搞不想把它搞砸了，好。

I don't recognize any of these but, no you gotta condition three times, alright.

我完全不認得這些東西，不你要護髮三次，好吧。

That was warm, okay.

水是暖的，好。

This is, uh, boring, actually.

這實在是，嗯，很無聊。

I know you're naked, that's cool.

我知道你現在裸體，很棒。

But if I knew it's gonna go this long I would have put my Kindle in a Ziploc or something.

但如果我知道這要花這麼久，我就會把我的 Kindle 裝進夾鏈袋裡之類的。

Are you...

你要...

Are you getting out?

你要出去了嗎？

You're getting out, cool!

你要出去了，好！

Take both towels.

兩條毛巾都拿走吧！

I don't... I don't need both towels.

我不... 我不需要兩條毛巾。

We are out of hot water though, sweetheart, so.

不過我們熱水沒了，親愛的，所以。

It's alright, I'll just smell today, that's alright.

沒關係，我今天就臭臭的吧，沒關係。

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