a time for family, togetherness

and cocktails with eggs, for some reason.

But you better enjoy it while it lasts.

Ronny Chieng tells us why in another installment

of "Everything is Stupid."

-(applause and cheering) -♪ ♪

Oh, it's Christmas... again.

It's just another excuse for you people

to send me stupid pictures of your family.

Oh, great. Another baby dressed as an elf?

Wow. Thanks for the reminder to get a vasectomy.

(laughter)

But now, thanks to all of these stupid world leaders

not giving a shit about climate change,

everything you love about Christmas is gonna disappear,

starting with Christmas trees.

This year, your Christmas tree could wind up costing you more

than you've spent in the past.

WOMAN 2: At this farm outside Los Angeles,

the average tree costs around a hundred bucks.

Nationwide, a fresh-cut Christmas tree

now averages $76,

double what it cost in 2008.

Blame it on climate change.

Rising temperatures, wildfires and drought

have all made farming more challenging.

Yeah, that's right.

Climate change is taking away Christmas trees.

By 2050, they're gonna be so expensive

that the tree will be the present, okay?

How are you gonna trick kids into behaving that way?

Listen, you better be good all year,

or you're not gonna get a Douglas fir for Christmas.

Why do people want Christmas trees in their house anyway?

All they do is shed pine needles all over the floor.

If that's what you're into, just call me.

I'll stab you in the foot for free. Right?

And it's not just trees that are going away.

Climate change is gonna kill Santa's transportation, too.

In our "Eye on Earth" series,

we'll take you to Santa's hometown

in the North Pole, where climate change

is threatening the reindeer population.

MAN: The reindeer feed, even through the winter,

on lichen, a mossy plant

they dig down through the snow to get at,

except when all that thawing

and refreezing means they can't.

And when the snow turns to ice, what happens to the reindeer?

We have to feed them.

(laughter)

You know things are bad

when your entire species depends on a guy in a weird hat, okay?

I mean, what if he oversleeps one day?

He'll be like, "Oh, shit. My alarm didn't go off.

Now I need to dig a mass reindeer grave."

(audience groaning)

And this is a big problem, okay,

because without reindeer, how is Santa gonna get around?

He's gonna have to hitchhike around the world,

trading rides for hand jobs, okay?

(laughter, groaning)

But guess what. The climate crisis is coming

for our New Year's drinks, too.

Another popular consumer item

that's expected to get a lot more expensive-- prosecco.

Climate change is doing a number on the grapes

that make the sparkling wine.

NEWSMAN: Paolo Tomasello says extreme weather

is posing new challenges at his vineyard.

TOMASELLO: Climate change is a big problem.

When it's sort of very cold there,

when it's raining, it rain very much.

NEWSMAN: Prosecco, he explained, should have low alcohol

and high acidity.

But high temperatures and earlier ripening

produce the opposite effect.

That's right. Thanks to climate change,

prosecco is gonna cost more and taste worse.

Although, to be fair, if you cared about taste,

you wouldn't be drinking prosecco.

Okay, you peasants?

Prosecco is the champagne that dropped out of high school.

Okay? You know what my holiday drink of choice is?

Good old-fashioned rubbing alcohol.

That's right. Sure, it'll make you go blind,

but that's when the party really starts.

So happy New Year, everyone.

Spoiler alert: 2020's gonna be worse.

-(laughter) -Ronny Chieng, everyone!