Do you sometimes get nervous when you're in front of a large group of people?

你會在一大群人面前會感到緊張嗎？

Or maybe, you worry a little bit too much if other people like you or not.

還是，你只是太過擔心別人是否喜歡你。

I used to feel all of these things, but there was one realization that I had that made all of these feelings go away.

這些感覺我都有過，但在一次感悟之後，這些感覺就此煙消雲散。

Back in high school I really wanted to be that cool kid who was always confident, relaxed, and smooth in every single situation.

在高中時，我一直很想做那個受歡迎的人，總是充滿自信、輕鬆、且游刃有餘地出席各種場合。

But I noticed that when I tried talking to an attractive girl or a popular kid, this awkward feeling would take over my entire body.

但我發現，當我嘗試和一個很正的女生或是很受歡迎的同學說話時，一股尷尬的感覺就會充斥全身。

And the more I thought about this feeling, the worse it all got.

而我越在意這種尷尬的感覺，它就變得越嚴重。

So I set out on a mission to get rid of this feeling forever.

所以我決心要讓這樣的感覺消失。

At first I tried following the usual advice of, "just be yourself" or "don't worry about what other people think."

一開始，我試過遵循最常見的建議，像是「做自己」或是「別在意他人眼光」。

And this stuff did help a little bit, but I felt like these little mindsets were only treating the symptoms of my shyness and not the real problem.

這的確有點幫助，但我認為這種心態只能解決害羞的問題，治標不治本。

But one late afternoon, something really magical happened to me.

而某天下午，一件神奇的事發生了。

I found this old sheet of paper that had my dad's signature on it and my old teacher's signature on it.

我找到一張很老舊的紙張，上面有著我爸爸和以前老師的簽名。

When I saw this, I immediately had a flashback to my younger self, where I was standing in my old classroom and looking up at my teacher who was yelling at me.

當我看見它的時候，兒時回憶一湧而出，我看見自己站在以前的教室裡，老師正指著我的鼻子大罵。

She gave me a sheet of paper and said, "Your parents have to sign this."

她給了我這張紙，並對我說：「你的父母得在上面簽名。」

"It's a sheet of paper saying that you were talking too much in class, and it's not okay."

「這是說明你在課堂中說太多話的文件，這樣的行為是不對的。」

I looked over at my friends and I saw that they were laughing at me.

我看了看我的朋友們，他們全都在笑我。

And then when I got home and showed the paper to my parents, they got mad at me.

而當我回到家，把這張紙拿給我的父母時，他們很生氣。

So, it was my entire world was either laughing at me or getting mad at me for talking a little bit too much, or just expressing myself a little bit too much.

那感覺就好像整個世界就因為我說多了一些話，或是自我表達過頭了點，就嘲笑我或是對我生氣一樣。

Nobody ever calmly or empathetically told me why I should not talk in class.

從來沒有人冷靜的、秉持同理心地告訴我為什麼不該在課堂裡說話。

It was always done in a harsh and stern way. Whether it's in a school, at a restaurant, or even at home, kids are almost always told to sit down, be quiet, and behave like a good kid.

他們傳遞訊息的方式總是嚴厲而苛刻的，不論是在學校、餐廳，或是家裡，小孩總是被命令要坐下、安靜、做個乖孩子。

And if they don't do this, they are punished for it.

而如果他們不這麼做，他們就會被懲罰。

And then years later, we wonder why we are nervous to speak up or to put ourselves out there in some type of way.

然後多年之後，我們還不能理解為什麼自己會在眾人面前說話或是表現時感到緊張。

If you truly want to get rid of your shyness and awkwardness, you need to do two simple things.

如果你真的想和你害羞的性格或是尷尬的感覺說再見，你只需要做這兩件簡單的事。

The first thing is simply acknowledge that you are not some loser or weird person for feeling those feelings.

第一個就是明白有這些感覺不代表你是人生輸家或是奇怪的人。

Because most of us were literally raised in a way to feel like this.

因為我們多數人都是在會有這種感受的環境下長大的。

And the second thing you have to do is something that I call gradual exposure.

第二件事是，你必須循序漸進的開放自己。

You need to think about the scariest thing that you can do socially, then slowly start working towards doing that thing.

你要想一件在社交中最令你恐懼的事情，然後以它為目標，慢慢克服你的恐懼。

For me, it was going up to a random girl on the street and getting her phone number.

以我為例，我曾經最怕跟街上的陌生女孩要電話號碼。

So, I start off small.

所以，我從簡單的話題開始。

I would say, "Hey, what time is it?"

我會說：「嗨！現在幾點？」

Then I said, "Are you having a good day?

接著說：「你今天過得怎樣？」

"It's nice weather we're having, eh?"

「今天天氣不錯，對吧？」

And inch by inch I just kept pushing myself more and more outside of my comfort zone.

就這樣，我一點一點地鼓勵自己，一步一步跨出我的舒適圈。

And after about a year of doing this every single day, I got to the point where I could have that conversation without it feeling forced or awkward.

我每天都這麼做，終於在大概一年之後，我不再在聊天過程中感到勉強或尷尬。

And if all that sounds like it's too much, then do something even smaller.

而如果這對你來說還是很可怕的話，你可以從更小的事開始。

Simply smile at someone, make eye contact with someone. Even leaving your house and being around other people could be enough.

像是對某人微笑、和別人四目相交，甚至是離開你家去到有人群的地方都可以。

Nothing is too small when you start off.

作為一個開始，沒有什麼事是太微不足道的。

But you have to figure this out for yourself.

但你得要自己弄清楚。

I know this sounds incredibly cliche, but the journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step.

我知道這聽起來很老套，但每個 1000 哩的旅程都是從踏出第一步開始。

If you consistently take steps in a single direction, it's impossible for you to not eventually get to where you want to go.

如果你持續堅定地朝著一個方向走，你不可能到不了你想去的地方。

Trust the journey and believe in yourself.

相信這段路會走得值得，也相信自己。

Check out my last video about how to stop caring what people think of you, and I'll see you there.

歡迎去觀看我的上一部影片，有關於如何不去在意他人眼光的內容，我們到時見。