You modernists are truly exciting.

Darling.

Such sweep, such power, such majesty!

You have a keen eye.

Well, the left one.

What are you gonna call it?

Spring Song.

Perfect.

Thank you, darling.

Now for the finishing touch.

(SIGHING)

You have such a delicate touch.

(DYNAMITE CAPS EXPLODING)

I just love to hear the sound of children at play.

(DYNAMITE CAPS EXPLODING)

They're really having a go at it today.

(DYNAMITE CAPS EXPLODING)

Those educational toys are marvelous.

They keep the children off the streets.

By the way, dear, Wednesday is celebrating the loss of her front tooth.

Oh, she looks much prettier without it.

I think so, too.

FESTER: I've had it!

Morticia, Gomez, this child has got to be whacked.

We do not go around whacking people in this house.

Certainly not without good reason.

I have a very good reason.

She's been shooting off all of my dynamite caps.

But, darling, you have dynamite caps of your own.

But they're not any fun. They just go "poop."

At your age, a little "poop" ought to be enough.

All right, I'm afraid you're gonna have to be punished.

And good. I'll put her over my knee.

No, no, no, now.

I prefer a punishment that will leave an impression on her mind.

Excellent thinking, my dear.

For the next two weeks,

you are forbidden, absolutely forbidden, to play with your pet spider.

Not play with Homer?

It may seem harsh, Wednesday,

but you'll be a better person for it.

You may go now.

(SCOFFS)

Softies.

You think it'll leave a scar?

Oh, nonsense.

In a few days, she'll be as bright and chipper as a little bat.

-You're really running away from home? -Yep.

Got any money?

12 cents.

Good. I thought you were broke.

Hey, I know a place you can run away to for nothing.

Where?

My room.

You can hide there and just pretend you've run away from home.

Then I can run away and still be around to see them suffer.

Let's go.

Wait.

You can't run away without leaving a note.

Oh, what'll I say?

I'll think of something.

The question is where to hang it.

It would just light up the entire attic.

Darling, why didn't I think of that?

Mother, Father, Wednesday's flown the coop.

Talk sense, boy.

She's run away from home.

Really? Very adventurous spirit.

I didn't run away from home until I was eight.

That's ridiculous.

She even left a note. I helped her write it.

"Dear Mother and Father, I hate you.

"Love, Wednesday.

"P.S. Don't bother looking for me

"because I'm not anywhere. Goodbye, W."

Well, why would the child leave a nice homey place like this?

You're right. She's probably hiding somewhere.

Oh, no. She's not hiding anywhere.

We'll organize a search party.

Comb the entire house.

Mother, aren't you going to drag the rivers?

Tomorrow. Wednesday's a good swimmer.

Her note was right. She doesn't seem to be anywhere.

Unless she's here in Pugsley's room.

Oh, no. She's not in here.

If you knew she was running away, why didn't you stop her?

You know women.

Once they've made up their minds...

Oh, my little girl.

She's out there in the world, all alone.

Don't worry, querida mia, she'll be all right.

She comes of sound stock.

But, darling, even an Addams can be led into temptation.

Supposing she wanders on a playground, tries to teeter-totter.

She may even run away and join the Brownies.

Gomez, we've got to call the...

P-O-L-I-C-E.

You mean the fuzz?

What is the "fuzz"?

The bulls.

Thought you had him there, didn't you?

(RINGING)

Please, Mrs. Tunnel, don't scream at me, will you, please?

We, we brought the kid home.

It's up to you to keep him there.

Yeah, okay, okay.

I'll--I'll put out another dragnet.

But I'm warning you, no more helicopters.

You're costing the city a fortune.

(TELEPHONE RINGING) Yes, okay, thank you very much.

All right, I'm coming.

Sergeant Haley, Missing Persons.

Well, I have one.

A missing person, of course.

Look, lady. This is no time for jokes.

Now tell me who's missing, and give me your address, please.

My name is Mrs. Addams, and I want you to find my little girl, Wednesday.

Look, I'll find her Tuesday, if I can,

but don't give me no deadlines, will you, please?

Wednesday is her name.

Oh, and I suppose you're gonna tell me

her middle name is Thursday, huh?

Friday.

Now come on, lady.

Now, this is a place of business.

A-A-A-Are you serious?

Okay, okay, just tell me where you live

and I'll come right out there.

Uh-huh.

Right next to a...cemetery?

Yes, we have a lovely view of it.

Thank you.

What news, Tish?

The police are on their way over.

(GASPS) Good heavens.

The neighbors will think we've committed some crime.

Does make you feel like a fraud.

Uncle Fester, the police are on their way over.

They'll never take me alive.

Wait, Fester, they're coming over because of Wednesday.

Oh, that. I solved the Wednesday caper.

You mean you found her?

Found her? She was never lost.

She's hiding out up in Pugsley's room.

I got suspicious when I saw him sneaking food up to her.

I don't believe it.

Would you believe your own eyes?

That depends.

Uncle Fester, our children do not do sneaky things.

Unless it's absolutely necessary.

She's upstairs all right.

That's what you get for sparing the paddle.

Uncle Fester, please.

FESTER: My father knew how to raise children.

He used the paddle on me even when I was good.

And if my mother interfered, he'd use it on her.

Papa was strict but fair.

And you had to respect him.

If you didn't, whack.

Even now, when I toss and turn in bed, I think of him.

That's very touching, Uncle Fester.

But we have no time for maudlin sentiment.

Are you sure Wednesday is still upstairs?

Just follow old Sherlock.

You know, I wouldn't mind joining the police,

if it wasn't for those silly uniforms they wear.

Is she there?

(GIGGLING)

(WHISPERING) And as happy as a lark.

The tricky little minx.

I wonder which side of the family she got that from.

Both sides.

MORTICIA: Sergeant Haley?

I was when I left home this morning.

Okay, lady, what, uh, what about your kid?

Oh, she's fine.

Is that why you dragged me all the way out here?

Now, that would be silly, wouldn't it?

Well, where was she?

Right here.

Right here?

Clever, wasn't it? Running away from home with all the comforts of home.

Now look. If this is some kind of a gag...

My dear man,

our child has been safe at home all the time.

Aren't you delighted?

Oh, I'm tickled.

After all, what else have I got to do?

There are 683 missing persons on my file,

four of which have been found.

My phone rings 18 hours a day, three of them in my head.

Half the kids in this town are lost, the other half should be.

I am at the peak of a migraine headache, I haven't had my lunch,

and you clowns drag me all the way out here

and tell me your kid is fine!

Delighted?

Lady, I'm, I'm beside myself with joy!

Emotional, wasn't he?

(GATE RATTLING)

Civil servants of today.

The least little thing and they just fly apart.

Well, what's our next move?

We're going up and have a little talk with that girl.

Gomez, the time has passed for talking.

Fine, I'll get my old fraternity paddle. Whack!

No, I have a much better way.

Psychology.

Oh, that's no fun.

Uncle Fester, this is not a fun matter.

That child has got to be taught to play with her own explosives.

It's my turn to swing from the chandelier.

(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)

Quick, under the bed.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Well, I guess Wednesday is really gone.

Someday, when she's slaving away in a tuna cannery,

she may remember the life of ease she had in this lovely home.

GOMEZ: Ragged, penniless, her little fingers bleeding from the tuna cans,

she may return and say she's sorry.

And when that happens, we'll take her back. If we have room.

If they have room?

Come, my dear. Let's go down and remove

her pictures from the family album.

They don't love me.

Oh, they're just using psychology.

What's that?

I don't know, but that's what they're using on you.

Guess they think that you don't have he nerve to leave home.

Well, I'll show them.

And I'm taking Homer with me.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, Gomez, I feel as though I were dancing with Nijinsky.

And I with Pavlova.

Must be the solving of the Wednesday crisis.

Oh, that's one situation you handled admirably.

There's a little girl who's home to stay.

Wednesday, write me as soon as you get to the tuna cannery.

Okay, bye.

(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)

(BOX CREAKING)

(ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING)

No, Mrs. Tunnel.

We haven't found your boy yet.

Do you realize this is the seventh time he's run away from home?

No, I'm not suggesting you keep him locked up in a broom closet.

But has it ever occurred to you

that maybe the reason he's running away from home

is on account of you?

(PHONE CLICKS)

Mrs. Tunnel? Mrs. Tunnel?

There you are, sweetheart.

Now, you go right over and see the nice sergeant, right there.

Well, here's another one.

Oh, that's all I need. Another missing kid.

I'm not missing.

I'm on my way to the tuna cannery.

Look, honey, I've had a very rough day. Now, what's your name?

Oh, it's gonna be one of those, huh?

Would, uh, the nice young lady like a nice big

strawberry ice cream cone?

No, sir.

Well, what would you like?

A dead fly.