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  • The Addams family

  • I had no idea Cousin Bleak was such a difficult subject.

  • You're painting him from memory and it's a magnificent likeness.

  • Superb!

  • Thank you, darling.

  • There's something about the eyes,

  • I just can't seem to get them.

  • That lid droops just a bit too much.

  • The right eye or the left?

  • The middle one.

  • Perfect.

  • That's the look that used to get the girls.

  • (GRUNTING)

  • Darling, the children are going to be late for their birthday party.

  • Would you ring for Lurch?

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • You rang?

  • Yes, Lurch.

  • Would you get the children, please?

  • WEDNESDAY: We're coming!

  • PUGSLEY: We're coming!

  • Oh, what's that, darling?

  • Harold's birthday present. A tarantula.

  • Oh, dear Pugsley. He's so generous.

  • That old Addams tradition, a heart of gold.

  • Well, we'll have to have it gift-wrapped. Let's see now.

  • A birthday present. Festive occasion.

  • I think black would be appropriate.

  • Black it is, my dear.

  • Here, darling, let me do that.

  • You're all thumbs.

  • Wouldn't that be interesting?

  • Lurch, please take the children to the car.

  • LURCH: Yes, madam.

  • Where are they going?

  • Whee!

  • To the Pomeroy boy's birthday party.

  • You mean those people with the white picket fence

  • and the pink geraniums? How could you?

  • There's something to what he says, Morticia. They are a bit peculiar.

  • I bet they've got daisies in their backyard.

  • Please don't make me ill.

  • Now, now, now.

  • We must be tolerant of our neighbors.

  • (BIRDS CAWING)

  • Oh, thank you, Thing.

  • There you are, Pugsley!

  • GOMEZ: Your mother is still the world's best tarantula wrapper.

  • Now remember, children, not every family is as fortunate as we are.

  • Not everyone has a beautiful old house like ours.

  • And a car with all the right sounds and smells.

  • (ENGINE SPUTTERS)

  • You must be modest about our advantages.

  • We'll be good.

  • I know you will, darling.

  • I'm sure Harold will love his present.

  • (BLOWING HORN)

  • (ENGINE BACKFIRES)

  • Bye, children! Have a good time.

  • Pugsley, only five pieces of cake, now!

  • Well, I guess I'd better go in

  • and finish knitting my tea cozy.

  • Morticia,

  • don't move.

  • Remember how I carried you across the threshold that first time?

  • Not only across the threshold,

  • but through the living room and up the stairs and into our room.

  • And I dropped you only once.

  • I'll swear these fish seem to know when you're gonna feed them.

  • They're a lot more aware than people give them credit for being.

  • That's breeding.

  • There's no waste with piranha.

  • Darling, I think the children are home.

  • I wonder what the children are doing back so soon?

  • I don't know.

  • Why are you home from the party so early?

  • GOMEZ: What happened? Was there trouble?

  • A small altercation.

  • Harold Pomeroy said his family was better than our family.

  • He said we were a bunch of kooks.

  • Kooks?

  • (GROANING)

  • Oh, he couldn't have meant it.

  • Of course not, how could the child fail

  • to recognize character when he sees it?

  • I told you the Pomeroys were no good.

  • With their neat little petunia patches.

  • Riffraff!

  • I tell you, they're nothing but riffraff.

  • Lurch, you better take the children to their rooms.

  • LURCH: Yes, madam.

  • I always did suspect those white plaster ducks out on the lawn.

  • Darling, some people have a twisted sense of beauty.

  • Rude behavior like that begins with the parents.

  • Well, what are you gonna do about it?

  • Just stand there and take it?

  • Certainly not. I'm going to send Pomeroy an insulting letter.

  • Darling, I don't think we should lend our name to such a thing.

  • He could sign it, "A friend."

  • An insulting letter signed, "A Friend."

  • That would be novel.

  • I think we should turn the other cheek.

  • No, when people insulted me, I always turned the other cheek.

  • Well?

  • I ran out of cheeks.

  • No, there's only one way to settle this.

  • Uncle Fester!

  • Uncle Fester, please, not that.

  • But, Morticia, the family honor!

  • He's right, Morticia, the family honor.

  • You'll have to challenge Pomeroy to a duel.

  • No, I'd rather shoot him in the back.

  • Uncle Fester, that is not the honorable way.

  • I know, but it's the safe way.

  • Uncle Fester, I'm ashamed of you.

  • An Addams doesn't know the meaning of the word fear.

  • I do. I'll shoot him in the back.

  • Uncle Fester, remember the Addams name!

  • It'll have to be a duel.

  • With swords?

  • With victory going to the swiftest,

  • the cunningest, the deadliest.

  • I'll shoot him in the back.

  • Wait, how about pistols?

  • Well, that's different...

  • Does he get one, too?

  • Naturally.

  • Loaded?

  • You get one bullet apiece.

  • In the back.

  • (CAR TIRES SQUEALING)

  • We have visitors.

  • It's Mr. Pomeroy. Little Harold is with him.

  • See? They've come to make peace.

  • I hope not.

  • I'll handle this. Remember, you took care of the gas inspector.

  • Darling, why don't we handle this together?

  • A Pomeroy does not slam gates.

  • I didn't slam it, Dad.

  • A Pomeroy does not lie, either.

  • But, Dad...

  • Come along.

  • I'm Cecil B. Pomeroy.

  • Perhaps you've heard of me.

  • I'm in oil.

  • Oh, boiling?

  • Lubricating.

  • I wouldn't make light of this.

  • Look at my son Harold.

  • Fine-looking boy. Nice eyes.

  • Well, one of them, anyway.

  • And that's what your hoodlum offspring did with his fists.

  • Our son used his fists?

  • All those karate lessons wasted!

  • I'll thank you both to stop joking.

  • My son has been sorely wounded and I demand an apology.

  • Very well, Mr. Pomeroy.

  • If it'll make you happy, I apologize.

  • Not from you.

  • From that pugnacious child of yours.

  • Him.

  • Children.

  • I understand, Pugsley, that you and Harold

  • engaged in a little tiff this afternoon.

  • All I did was tear his jacket a little.

  • You tore my family crest.

  • Well, you wouldn't have got a sock in the eye

  • if you hadn't said your family was better than our family.

  • Our family is better.

  • It is not.

  • Children, children.

  • I think you ought to apologize to Harold.

  • I'm sorry I punched you in the eye, Harold.

  • She must have hit him while his back was turned.

  • In the eye?

  • I don't know, it's possible.

  • Remember my Cousin Curdle?

  • Ah, yes! Well, we're sorry about the whole mess, Pomeroy.

  • Yes, won't you come in and have a cup of tea?

  • And the children can play together

  • and forget all about their little spat.

  • Well...

  • Do come in.

  • I'll let you ride my jaguar.

  • Can I, Dad?

  • All right, but stay in the yard. Don't go into the street.

  • Oh, we never run the jaguar out in the street.

  • Come on, Harold.

  • I'm so glad we got this thing straightened out.

  • Uh, yes, we're not only neighbors

  • but I find we have some adjoining land along the county line.

  • You got stuck, too!

  • Uh, yes. That doesn't happen to the Pomeroys usually.

  • It's one of the things we're proud of.

  • Matter of fact, we asked Professor Simms

  • to trace our family genealogy back to...

  • (FANG GROWLING)

  • Merciful heavens! What was that?

  • Pugsley's jaguar.

  • Pugsley's...

  • You mean that your child is having my son ride a wild animal?

  • Don't worry, when Fang makes that noise, nobody rides him.

  • (CHILDREN LAUGHING)

  • There, you see? They've already found something else to amuse them.

  • Nothing like the laughter of happy children, is there, Pomeroy?

  • Well, my son has little time for frivolity.

  • After all, he's being trained to follow in the family...

  • Excuse me.

  • Is that thing real?

  • Everything in our home is real, Mr. Pomeroy.

  • Taste!

  • There's quite a story behind that trophy, Pomeroy.

  • Cousin Farouk was a skin-diver.

  • He dived out of a rowboat in an attempt

  • to spear a rare species of eel.

  • At the same moment a big fish swept up

  • from the depths, also after the eel.

  • They were on a collision course.

  • The rest is taxidermy.

  • (DYNAMITE CAPS EXPLODING)

  • HAROLD: Whee! I did it! I did it!

  • Little Pugsley is teaching Harold how to handle dynamite caps.

  • Dynamite?

  • (CHILDREN GIGGLING)

  • There, you see?

  • Their little spat of this afternoon is all forgotten.

  • We adults could learn a lot from our children, eh, Pomeroy?

  • More tea, Mr. Pomeroy?

  • Uh, no, thanks.

  • (BIRD SQUAWKING)

  • That thing bit me!

  • I'm sure you're mistaken, Mr. Pomeroy.

  • Our birds would never attack living things.

  • (DOOR THUDDING)

  • Children, stop playing with that trap door.

  • Uncle Fester just greased it.

  • Your trap door?

  • In the playroom, for our gallows.

  • It's a family heirloom.

  • PUGSLEY: We're sorry, Harold!

  • Don't be mad, Harold.

  • We're sorry we dropped him through the trap door.

  • Addams, what the devil have they been doing?

  • Can't you see? Playing!

  • POMEROY: Harold!

  • Addams, I never wanna see these two little creeps in my home again.

  • And I promise you that never again

  • will I set foot in this, this menagerie.

  • In that case, sir, I'll have to ask you to leave.

  • Ask me? I can hardly wait to get out of...

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • Lurch, show Mr. Pomeroy out.

  • (GASPING)

  • (BRUNO GROWLING)

  • Addamses, you are kooks.

  • Calling our children creeps.

  • Bawling off about his ancestry,

  • his professor, his genealogist.

  • I could have really have stopped him with

  • a few things about the Addams ancestry!

  • Why didn't you?

  • I couldn't think of anything.

  • You're right.

  • You're right, I should have told him.

  • But it's been so long since I've looked into the family records.

  • Anybody can tell what kind of a family we are.

  • But to him, we're peasants.

  • We need proof.

  • Proof! And I'll ram it down Mr. Blowhard's throat.

  • I'll get you your proof, darling.

  • I'm going to call in a genealogist.

  • We'll get his Professor Simms.

  • He can trace our family tree.

  • Trace it? I know where it is.

  • Uncle Fester sits in it every day.

  • (ALARM SOUNDING)

  • The mail's in.

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • It's for you, Mommy.

  • Thank you, darling.

  • Oh, isn't that sweet?

  • It's from Professor Simms, the genealogist.

  • He says, "Working on a family tree

  • like yours should be a real challenge."

  • We better get all the Addams family heirlooms

  • and records together.

  • My dear, I've already dug up a lot of material.

  • Isn't that beautiful?

  • Oh, the old Addams barn.

  • Darling, that's Aunt Blemish.

  • Are you sure?

  • You may be right.

  • Oh, I don't recognize those two at all.

  • That's only one.

  • Of course, Grandpa Slurp.

  • I should have known him by his buck teeth.

  • And receding chin.

  • He was a handsome devil.

  • Remember this picture?

  • Cousin Clot!

  • Just before they threw the switch.

  • My, he was photogenic.

  • I'll never forget the day the judge imposed sentence.

  • Clotty stood there, head high, shoulders back, and said,

  • "It's a bum rap."

  • An Addams to the end.

  • Darling, we better get these things ready.

  • That does it.

  • I doubt that I could have made one more trip to the attic.

  • I hope the genealogist's got enough material to work with.

  • You know, I think we should use more

  • of these lovely things in the living room.

  • I didn't know Granduncle Grisly was a traitor.

  • Oh, yes! But he only did it for money.

  • Oh.

  • (FOGHORN SOUNDING)

  • Is Professor Simms still working in the library?

  • Yes, darling. I think you better take these things in to him.

  • I'll get the doorbell, Lurch.

  • I came to return this gift.

  • Is there something wrong with it?

  • I don't know.

  • Weren't you surprised when you opened it?

  • I sure was. It was empty.

  • (SIGHS)

  • Pugsley?

  • Your birthday present escaped.

  • Better let Harold pick out something else.

  • Okay. Come on up to my room, Harold,

  • and pick out what you want.

  • I'm not supposed to stay.

  • A call for Master Pomeroy.

  • Come along, children.

  • Hello?

  • Did you return the present?

  • Yes, and I'm getting out of here as fast as I can.

  • No, no! Uh, tell them it was all a mistake.

  • A horrible mistake.

  • Yes. Act nice and friendly.

  • Yes, friendly.

  • They have some land next to mine

  • and my man thinks there's oil on it.

  • Just act nice and friendly and I'll be over there soon.

  • My dad said it was all a horrible mistake.

  • I'm to be nice and friendly.

  • Oh, that's lovely.

  • Pugsley, you must let Harold play with your octopus.

  • Not that friendly.

  • Oh, don't be a sissy.

  • Well, all right.

  • I'll even show you how to juggle meat cleavers.

  • Morticia, Professor Simms feels

  • he's on the trail of something.

  • Oh, I do hope it's something gloomy.

  • For a moment I thought there might be some relationship

  • to the New England Adamses, John and John Quincy.

  • People often assume that.

  • It's been a great source of embarrassment to us.

  • We spell our name with two "D's".

  • The additional "D" makes the difference.

  • Good heavens! Do you suppose that's the reason

  • Mr. Pomeroy thought there was something wrong with us?

  • Professor, is something wrong?

  • Uh, oh, no.

  • No, no, that is...

  • Well, things do seem a bit off.

  • I've traced Mrs. Addams back to the early colonial days

  • at Salem, Massachusetts.

  • Interesting place, Salem.

  • They burned witches there, you know.

  • Yes.

  • I'm certainly glad they don't do that today.

  • And I found a family of Addamses living in a native village

  • far up the Amazon river, deep in the jungle.

  • But the head of the family seems to have disappeared.

  • Completely?

  • Usually they just shrink them.

  • (LAUGHING) Yes.

  • And I've established that one ancestor back in 270 A.D.

  • used this torch to set fire to the library at Alexandria, Egypt.

  • Mamoud Khali Pasha Addams, the firebug of the Bosporus.

  • We should tell Mr. Pomeroy about him.

  • Oh, the Pomeroy background has quite a few unusual characters, too.

  • Really?

  • But I do think that professional ethics forbids me discussing it.

  • Of course.

  • Otherwise I would tell you of Pegleg Pomeroy,

  • the scourge of Denver,

  • Erwin Pomeroy, the hanging judge,

  • and Haversham Pomeroy, the Bluebeard of Boston.

  • Well, what do you know?

  • It's quite an impressive background.

  • I don't blame him for feeling superior.

  • Darling, sometimes you can just misjudge people.

  • (FOGHORN SOUNDING)

  • Aha, Pomeroy, come in.

  • Please have a cigar.

  • Oh, no, thank you.

  • Mr. Pomeroy.

  • You know, I believe I owe you both an apology.

  • Not at all, it's we who owe you an apology.

  • And I can understand your pride after learning about your family background.

  • (GROWLING)

  • Lovely rug.

  • Thank you.

  • Do sit down.

  • Oh, thank you, thank you. Delighted.

  • The children are upstairs playing with little Pugsley's octopus.

  • Live, of course.

  • How did you know?

  • Every young boy should have a live octopus.

  • We do think alike, don't we?

  • True, true. And as a little peace offering,

  • I'd like to take that awful acreage that we both got stuck with

  • off your hands.

  • Same price you paid for it, of course.

  • $1,000 an acre.

  • Let's not talk about business.

  • Let's talk about our illustrious families.

  • Why didn't you tell us about Pegleg Pomeroy?

  • I beg your pardon?

  • Oh, come, Mr. Pomeroy, we know all about him.

  • Quite a streak of skullduggery

  • in the Pomeroy line, isn't there?

  • Well, I...

  • And don't tell us you're going to deny knowing anything

  • about Grapeshot Pomeroy.

  • Uh, Pomeroy is a very common name.

  • Isn't he the modest one?

  • I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.

  • Aren't you proud of being descended from a pirate?

  • I'll pay you $2,000 an acre.

  • Isn't he generous?

  • Bluebeard Pomeroy would be proud of him.

  • Bluebeard...

  • $3,000 an acre.

  • Well, if you insist.

  • My check will be here first thing in the morning.

  • (PUGSLEY HOOTING)

  • You come back, paleface.

  • Oh, isn't that sweet.

  • Get me away from these barbarians.

  • He's had a tiring day.

  • Harold, the Addams family is every bit as good as ours.

  • Well, Black Bart and Bloody Addams, true.

  • You see?

  • Now say goodbye to your little friend.

  • Bye.

  • Goodbye, Harold.

  • Goodbye, Mr. Pomeroy.

  • Goodbye.

  • Harold, you forgot to say goodbye to Kitty.

  • No!

  • Now, Harold, we must say goodbye to Kitty.

  • Here, Kitty. Here, Kitty.

  • (GROWLING)

  • Oh.

  • Oh.

  • What happened to the Pomeroys?

  • These businessmen.

  • Always in such a hurry.

  • Really nice of Pomeroy to take

  • all that worthless land off our hands.

  • How do you know it's worthless, darling?

  • Well, one thing's certain, there's no oil on it.

  • It's been checked and rechecked.

  • Guess he just wanted to apologize for calling us kooks.

  • Thank you.

  • (KITTY GROWLING)

  • (SCREAMING)

  • (GROANING)

  • Right in the heart!

  • Morticia, your aim is perfect.

  • So female. So deadly. So lovely.

  • Darling, where's Professor Simms?

  • (PURRING)

  • Do you think?

  • You know Kitty can't stand the taste of people.

The Addams family

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愛登士家族樹 (全集) | 美高梅 (全集) (The Addams Family Tree (Full Episode) | MGM)

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    邱于嘉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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