ALL RIGHT, GET UP.

[LAUGHTER]

THE MEDIA AND DEMOCRATS, A

PITIFUL PART.

FIRST THIS GUY.

>> I WILL SAY THIS ONLY SEVEN

TIMES.

LISTEN GOOD.

I WANT TO TO MAKE UP DIRT ON MY

POLITICAL OPPONENT.

DON'T CALL ME AGAIN.

I'LL CALL YOU WHEN YOU'VE DONE

WHAT I ASKED.

THIS IS WHAT THE PRESIDENT WAS

TRYING TO COMMUNICATE.

>> NO, IT WASN'T.

YOU MADE THAT UP.

YOUR DEFENSE --

>> THE PRESIDENT'S CALL WAS

MEANT TO BE AT LEAST IN PART

PARITY, THE FACT THAT IT'S NOT

CLEAR IS A SEPARATE PROBLEM IN

AND OF ITSELF.

>> I GET IT, IT'S OUR FAULT.

[LAUGHTER]

WITH THE ADULTS WHO DIDN'T

UNDERSTAND.

HE DOES HAVE A POINT, THERE'S A

HARD TIME TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN HIM AND A DOG.

THIS IS ADAM SCHIFF.

[LAUGHTER]

HE'S SO STIFF, KISSING HIM IS

CONSIDERED NECROPHILIA.

[LAUGHTER]

I HEAR WHAT HE FROM TOY STORY IS

STILL DEMANDING A FRATERNITY

TEST.

PATERNITY TEST.

YOU LOOK AT THE FAMILY TREE, YOU

FIND A FAMILY OF TREES.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THE REASON HE GETS AWAY WITH

BEING AN IDIOT BECAUSE HIS

ALLIES MAKE HIM LOOK SAME.

>> HE CAN'T WIN THE

WITHOUT FOREIGN INTERFERENCE.

HE DOESN'T HAVE INTEREST IN

TRYING.

>> WE SEE IT, THERE'S AN

EXTORTIONIST TRYING TO GET A

FOREIGN GOVERNMENT AND.

>> YOU SEE THIS IN MOVIES, YOU

SEE BOB DOING, IS THIS SOMETHING

PRESIDENTS DO?

>> WE DO NOT SEE THIS FROM

PRESIDENT.

>> THAT COMPARISON AGAIN.

WHAT DOES THE MAFIA GET THAT THE

DEMOCRATS DON'T?

RESPECT.

WHO WHAT CHINA RATHER NOT

NEGOTIATE WITH?

MAFIA OR GRAD STUDENT MAJORING

AND MOPING?

MAFIA BOSS OR A GUY WHO FORGETS

WHERE HE PUTS HIS PANTS?

[LAUGHTER]

MAFIA OR ANOTHER GUY WHO FORGETS

WHERE HE PUTS HIS PANTS.

MAFIA BOSS OR THE LADY WHO

SHUSHES YOU AT THE LIBRARY.

[LAUGHTER]

ANY ENEMY WOULD PREFER THOSE

OVER TRUMP.

FOR US, WE'LL TAKE GOTTI OVER

GANDHI.

THEY PRETEND THEY REACH

IMPEACHMENT EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE

BEEN SNORTING THAT DRUG FOR

THREE YEARS.

WHICH IS WHY WE CAN'T TAKE IT

SERIOUSLY WITHOUT FIRST

ACKNOWLEDGING IS ORCHESTRATED BY

THE MEDIA.

WHEN THEY RELEASE A TRANSCRIPT,

IT SOUNDED LIKE ANOTHER CALL

BETWEEN TRUMP AND JUST ABOUT

EVERYBODY.

YOU HAVE THE FLOWERY

CONGRATULATION STUFF.

TRUMP COMPLAINS, AS ALWAYS,

ABOUT AMERICAN SPENDING MONEY

WHILE OTHER COUNTRIES DON'T.

THEN HE ASKED THEM TO LOOK INTO

ELECTION MEDDLING.

YOU'D THINK THE MEDIA WOULD

SUPPORT TRUMP THE MEDIA :

CAN ONLY BE INVESTIGATED.

OUR DIRTY DOSSIER.

MAYBE TRUMP SHOULDN'T HAVE

BROUGHT US SLEEPY JOKE BUT

THAT'S TRUMP, I'M SURPRISED HE

DIDN'T MENTION LOW ENERGY.

THEY TURNS THE FROM THE

CONVERSATION INTO EXTORTION.

THEY'RE TRYING TO IMPEACH HIS

PERSONALITY REALLY.

WILL AMERICANS SEE THROUGH THIS?

UNIDENTIFIED GUY WITH A

POLITICAL FIVE BRINGS IN A

COMPLAINT ABOUT WHAT HE HEARD

SECONDHAND FROM A PHONE CALL?

FIRST WEEK TO THE PRESS WHO

TAKES THE HEARSAY OR A

TRANSCRIPT?

THEY PREFER HEARSAY OVER REAL

WORDS.

IT'S LIKE RELYING ON A PSYCHIC

FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN YOUR CAR HAS

GPS.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S LIKE CHOOSING TOFU OVER

STEAK OR LENNY OVER JIMI

HENDRIX.

[LAUGHTER]

THE MEDIA BLAMES TRUMP FOR

SECURING TRANSCRIPTS AFTER THEY

GOBBLED UP LEAKS OF PREVIOUS

ONES.

THIS IS BUSINESS AS USUAL.

IT'S A BUSINESS TO THE MEDIA,

IT'S A MONEY MILL.

RATINGS POP, NOBODY DIES.

UNLESS YOU COUNT AMERICA

DEMOCRACY.

THEY WERE SHOUTING IMPEACHMENT

EVEN BEFORE THEY COULD WALK.

EVER SINCE TRUMP ENTERED OFFICE,

AN OUTSIDER WHO SOMEHOW GOT

INSIDE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE

HIM AT ALL TO UNDERSTAND WHAT'S

HAPPENING.

IT'S ABOUT THAT FACT THAT

SOMEONE CLOSER TO YOU THAN THEM

MADE INTO THE OVAL OFFICE.

FIRST, IT CAN'T BE PERMITTED.

THEY MUST BE RESISTED.

[APPLAUSE]

EVEN IF THE PHONE CALL NEVER

HAPPENED, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN