When people hide their true feelings behind "jokes."

當人們把他們真實的感想藏在所謂的「玩笑」背後。

I think that you're a repulsive, pathetic sack of joyless cowardice who enjoys draining the life of other people to make up for the fact that you have none of your own.

我覺得你是個可惡、可悲又不快樂的懦夫，而且又喜歡汲取別人的生命來彌補自己沒有的生活。

Jokey joke.

開玩笑的啦！

Oh my god. Is that how you really feel about me?

我的天啊，你真的是那樣看我的嗎？

Of course not! I sugar-coated it.

當然不是啊！我還美化修飾了一下。

Jokey joke.

開玩笑的啦！

What? You can't just say something horrible and then claim that it's--

什麼？你不能直接說出糟糕的話再聲稱那只是...

It's a jokey joke.

那只是玩笑。

Lighten up you worthless idiot.

放輕鬆，你這個沒價值的白癡。

Jokey joke.

開玩笑的啦。

I believe in being straightforward.

我確信直接了當才是對的。

If I feel a certain way, I'll tell you.

我有什麼感覺都會說出來。

If I'm available, I text back immediately.

如果我有空就會馬上回訊息。

I have no qualms with enthusiastically expressing the pendulum of extreme emotions I oscillate between throughout the day.

我會毫不遲疑地熱情表達我一天之中所經歷的起伏不定極端情緒。

Well, I was starving.

嗯，我超餓的。

And then I ate so much, I could like, die.

然後我吃到快飽死了。

But then I walked, and I felt fine.

但之後我走動一下就好了。

Wow. Riveting story.

哇，真動聽的故事。

Please, do tell it again.

拜託再說一次。

Well, I was literally starving.

嗯，我當時名副其實地超級餓。

We're often told that the worst thing you can be is needy.

人們常說黏人是最糟糕的。

But here is my hot take.

但這是我有爭議的觀點。

I think that the people who turn the term "needy" derogatory are actually emotionally unavailable jerks who don't want to deal with the reality that we're all human beings with very valid emotional needs and the right to express them in our relationships.

我覺得把「黏人」變成貶意的人其實是有情感缺陷的混蛋，他們不想面對大家都是人類並都有合理情感需求且有權在關係中表達的事實。

Sizzling hot take.

火辣辣的觀點。

We're designed to be interdependent.

我們生來就是相互依賴的。

We're social creatures.

我們是群居動物。

We seek the approval, attention, validation, support, and love from the significant people in our lives.

我們會向生命中重要的人尋求讚許、注意、認可、支持以及愛。

And as long as it's not taken to an unhealthy imbalance or forms into some kind of crippling codependency, I don't think there's anything wrong with being needy.

只要不變成不健康的不對等關係或是形成某種嚴重的共同依賴症，我覺得黏人並沒有錯。

We all have inherent yet unique needs.

我們都有固有但獨特的需求。

Some people need to feel safe.

有些人需要安全感。

You know, when you walk away without a goodbye, it really makes me feel like I'm being abandoned.

你知道嗎？你不告而別的時候真的會讓我覺得自己被拋棄。

And so I would appreciate, if you're just gonna leave and go to another room...

所以我希望你如果要離開或是去別的房間...

Like, are you even listening to me right now?

你到底有沒有在聽我說？

Some need appreciation.

有人需要讚賞與感激。

Oh! Thank you so much for this mangled lizard!

噢！謝謝你給我這隻鬃獅蜥。

And most of us need to feel understood.

我們大多都需要被理解。

Do you understand me now?

你現在懂我意思嗎？

Okay, do you understand?

好，你懂嗎？

Having needs is totally normal, and expressing your needs is a vulnerable and harder thing to do.

擁有需求是正常的，而表達自己的需求是件脆弱且更加困難的事。

But that vulnerability makes way for connection, understanding, and a deeper relationship.

但是那樣的脆弱創造了聯繫、理解和更深層關係。

Whether that's romantic or platonic.

無論是戀愛關係還是純友誼關係。

Now obviously, people's needs and the variations of them are different.

顯然地，人們的需求及需求變化非常不同。

And I think where "needy" gets a bad rep is when you're met with this imbalance between two people.

此外我覺得「黏人」是因為面臨不對等的關係才有了負面形象。

And instead of communicating in like a healthy way, one person, usually deemed the more needy one, becomes bitter or angry or insecure that the other isn't meeting their emotional needs.

而與其以健康的方式溝通，其中通常被認為比較黏人的那個人反而變得怨恨、憤怒或自卑，認為另一半沒有滿足自己的情感需求。

The classic example of this is...

這就是一個經典例子：

- Why didn't you text me back? - What? When?

- 你為什麼沒回我訊息？ - 什麼？什麼時候？

Just now, when you were in the bathroom.

剛剛啊，你在廁所的時候。

I sent you a text, and you didn't text me back.

我傳了訊息給你但你沒有回我。

Oh, I- I didn't know. I wasn't really on my phone.

噢，我不知道。我沒有很注意手機。

Really? 'Cause your Instagram activity shows that you liked two cat photos while you were in there, so.

真的嗎？因為你的 Instagram 動態顯示你在裡面的時候按讚了兩張貓咪的圖片，所以呢。

Unless you have our conversation muted, you should have got the text notification.

除非你把我們的對話關靜音，不然你應該會收到訊息通知。

We all have to realize that our needs are not created equal.

我們都必須理解大家的需求生來就不相等。

So it's easy with someone who has more needs, like myself, to make others feel suffocated or overwhelmed.

所以像我一樣擁有比較多需求的人很容易讓他人感到窒息或難以承受。

And something that we, the needy, have to keep in mind is to not take someone's response time personally, to respect the boundaries of others, and to know that this inherent imbalance may mean that we're either incompatible with certain people or that we're gonna have to learn to compromise.

而我們這些黏人的人要記住，不要以為他人的回復時間長短是在針對自己、要尊重他人的界線, 並知道這個與生俱來的不對等可能就代表我們不是不適合某些人就是我們必須學著妥協。

I'm Anna Akana, and I can't believe Congress stayed here for the entire video.

我是 Anna Akana，我無法相信我的貓咪 Congress 竟然在這裡乖乖待了整部影片。

Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's episode.

謝謝 Squarespace 贊助今天的影片。

And hopefully for more videos for years to come, right Congress? Right, Squarespace?

也希望會贊助接下來好幾年的影片，Congress 對嗎？Squarespace 對嗎？

Because Squarespace has beautiful award-winning templates and an all-in-one platform.

因為 Squarespace 有漂亮且獲獎的模板和多功能介面。

So there's no need to install patches or upgrades or leave us ever!

所以永遠不需要下載補充包或升級，也永遠不會離開我們！

They also have 24-hour customer service so you can talk to them every single hour, and they have to talk to you.

他們也有 24 小時的客服，所以你每個小時都可以跟他們說話，而且他們必須回復你。

And if you need a domain, they offer a simple and unique set-up experience.

而如果你需要所有權，他們也提供簡單、獨特的套裝體驗。

With Squarespace, you can create any kind of website.

有了 Squarespace，你就可以創造出任何網站。

Anything you need. It's great.

任何你需要的網站，棒極了。

So please go to Squarespace.com/Anna to start your free trial today.

所以請前往 Squarespace.com/Anna 今天就開始免費試用。

And use the offer code ANNA for 10% off at checkout.

然後結帳時使用優惠代碼 ANNA 就可以打九折。

Please. I need this.

拜託，我很需要。

I need Squarespace to pay my mortgage and support my five cats.

我需要 Squarespace 付清我的貸款並撫養我的五隻貓咪。

I need you. I need Squarespace. Please.

我需要你，我需要 Squarespace，拜託。