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  • >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!

  • YOU KNOW, FOLKS, EVERY NIGHT -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • EVERY NIGHT, WITHOUT FAIL, THIS IS OUR PROMISE -- LADIES AND

  • GENTLEMEN, EVERY NIGHT I COME OUT HERE TO THE STAGE OF THE ED

  • SULLIVAN THEATER, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME

  • OVER THERE, PROCESSING THE DAY'S STORIES IN MY NEWS LAB, TRYING

  • TO DEVELOP THEM INTO AN INEXPENSIVE MONOLOGUE-BASED

  • SUBSTITUTE FOR SYNTHETIC RUBBER.

  • BUT SOMETIMES, I MISTAKENLY MIX THE BORIC ACID WITH SILICONE

  • OIL, AND ACCIDENTALLY DISCOVER A RESULTANT PUTTY OF SILLINESS

  • THAT IS STRETCHY AND PLIABLE, YET BOUNCY WHEN ROLLED INTO A

  • BALL.

  • BEST OF ALL, IF YOU PRESS IT AGAINST A NEWSPAPER, IT PICKS UP

  • SMALLER STORIES WHICH I STORE IN THE LITTLE RED PLASTIC EGG OF

  • NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT -- >> MEANWHILE.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: MEANWHILE,

  • MEANWHILE, IT'S THE ONLY THING STABLE LEFT IN THIS COUNTRY.

  • MEANWHILE -- ( LAUGHTER )

  • -- MATTEL HAS LAUNCHED A

  • GENDER-NEUTRAL BARBIE DOLL.

  • WHICH IS GREAT NEWS FOR REPRESENTATION, BUT NOT REALLY

  • NECESSARY.

  • HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BARBIE DOLL WITHOUT CLOTHES?

  • THEY'RE ALREADY AS GENDER-NEUTRAL AS IT GETS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) KEN IS CUT, THOUGH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN EARLY CHRISTMAS

  • NEWS, "MEET THE WORLD'S FIRST KALE-FLAVORED CANDY CANES," BUT

  • THE MAKERS WARN, THEY "MIGHT NOT HAVE THE NUTRITIONAL VALUE OF

  • ACTUAL KALE."

  • SO IF YOU WANT NONE OF THE TASTE OF CANDY AND NONE OF THE

  • NUTRIENTS OF KALE, THIS IS THE CONFECTIONERY NIGHTMARE YOU'VE

  • BEEN WAITING FOR.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • MEANWHILE, RENOWNED FRENCH CHEF MARC VEYRAT IS SUING THE

  • MICHELIN GUIDE AFTER THEY DEMOTED HIS RESTAURANT FROM

  • THREE STARS TO TWO, BECAUSE, HE SAYS, "MICHELIN'S REVIEWER

  • WRONGLY DETERMINED A CHEESE SOUFFLE AS HAVING CHEDDAR IN

  • IT," ADDING -- (AS INSULTED FRENCHMAN)

  • "THEY DARED TO SAY THAT WE PUT CHEDDAR IN OUR SOUFFLE OF

  • REBLOCHON, BEAUFORT, AND TOMME.

  • THEY HAVE INSULTED OUR REGION, MY EMPLOYEES WERE FURIOUS."

  • LISTEN, MONSIEUR, I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING FOR THIS TO BE MY

  • BIGGEST CONCERN RIGHT NOW.

  • WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEW SEGMENT: FRENCH PEOPLE PROBLEMS.

  • (AS FRENCHMAN) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • (AS FRENCHMAN) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • (AS FRENCHMAN) ZE LIFE OF A FRENCHMAN EEZ A

  • LIFE OF PAIN.

  • TODAY, MY BRIE EEZ TOO COLD TO SPREAD ON A CRACKEUR.

  • AND ZAT EEZ JUST ZE TIP OF MY ICEBERG OF ENNUI.

  • MY LOCAL MIME WEARS A SHIRT WITH STRIPES THAT ARE...

  • VERTICAL.

  • JOIN ME NEXT TIME, WHEN I TELL YOU HOW MY POOR WIFE CANNOT FIND

  • ENOUGH LOVERS.

  • ZIS HAS BEEN: "FRENCH PEOPLE PROBLEMS."

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

  • >> Stephen: BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY BRITTANY HOWARD!

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!

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B2 中高級 美國腔

同時...法國人的問題 (Meanwhile... French People problem)

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    kuangkuang 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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