hope everyone's having a beautiful weekend.. day..

whenever you watch this

so today we're gonna talk about something that you guys seemed really excited about..

when I kind of alluded to this a few weeks ago

which is about relationships and being single

and how to be happy while you're single

and overcoming heartbreak and all that good stuff

for this specific video, I thought I'd get into about 7 tips or just like the 7 processes

of how I personally got over heartbreak 4 years ago

and how it took me about 3-4 years..

for me to get to where I am to fully embrace what it means to be alone

and what it means to just be happy and content and good..

actually great on your own

so a little context.. I've been single for about 4 years now

this wasn't like a deliberate thing

I didn't set out to be single and like not date for 4 years

it was more of a - I'm gonna work on myself until I meet someone else

because I've been in a..

I've been in two relationships spanning a total of about 7 years

they're pretty much back-to-back

heartbreak never really is an easy thing but if you can learn from it then..

it's actually a really really beautiful thing

because it's always darkest before dawn

and before I go on more and ramble more..

let's just get started with this video

again, these tips were kind of in the order of how..

it's like the little nuggets of wisdom I enlightened to along the way

that helped me get to where I am today

so it kind of happened in that order

I tried to make it in that order as much as possible

so the first thing is..

"two mediocrities never make one great company"

this is actually a quote from one of my favorite business books called "Good To Great"

if two "meh" companies merged and become one company..

two mediocre things cannot make a great thing

and when I read this around the time when..

it was like the first time I broke up with my ex

and then didn't know if we're gonna get back together

and then I wanted to get back together

and then we did end up kind of getting back together

but like we didn't make it official

so I'm sure many of you guys can relate to what I just said

that like forever dancing in the gray zone area

I remember reading 'Good To Great'

this was around 2014 and I was just like dude that is so true

two "okay" people aren't going to come together and become a great couple

and I think that's what I thought for most of my youth up until my early 20s

it doesn't matter if I'm not okay..

but as long as I have someone.. they'll make things okay for me

and that's very unrealistic and I guess kind of irresponsible because..

you're putting a lot of expectations and a lot of pressure on someone else..

when you being "okay" should be like an internal self thing

that was the first thing that I learned

you know no matter how much you love someone

and no matter how much they love you

if you guys both aren't at a good place mentally, physically..

whatever in your career..

like if you're not grounded in who you are and what's important to you..

it doesn't really matter how great your significant other is

it doesn't really matter how much they love you

because at the end of the day

if you don't know yourself and if you don't love yourself..

nothing else is really gonna matter

I owe it to myself and I owe it to my future significant other, to my future husband..

that I spend this time that I have working on myself to figure out myself

and to be the best that I can be

assuming that he's doing the same thing wherever he is right now

I have no idea where he is but like wherever he is..

he's doing it too so that when two great people come together..

you help each other propel to become like even better versions of yourself

but that comes at the foundation of you're already trying to do that on your own

"Greatness is not a function of circumstances."

"Greatness, it turns out, is largely a matter of conscious choice and discipline."

so at the end of the day.. it really comes down to ourselves

it really comes down to our thoughts

it really comes down to our intentions

and like what we want to do and what we want to see happen

for ourselves and for our future selves

the second thing is your "person" does not need to be your significant other

when I say "person" it's like.. I like having my person

I like having a person

I like knowing that I have someone there for me

regardless if they're physically there if they're whatever

I just like knowing I have a person

I convinced myself again throughout my youth and throughout my early 20s..

that my "person" had to be my significant other..

and when I let go of this really odd notion my whole world just opened up

and my whole world completely changed because..

I realized my "person" can be my parents

my "person" can be my family.. my cousins

my "person" can be my friends

my "person" could be anyone

ultimately the most important thing was that I realized my "person" can be myself

like I can be my own person

and when I realized that I was like..

~ whoaaaa this is wildd ~

the person that I've been waiting for my whole life

the person that I've been looking for like..

the "best friend" I've always wanted

the boyfriend that I've always wanted

the person who would take care of me

that is me... like..

~ hellooo ~

this whole time I was looking outside

I was looking externally for this thing to fill this void in my heart and in my soul

and this whole time I've been sitting right here right where I am

and this isn't to say that your person can't be your significant other

I feel like your person should be your significant other

but the main takeaway is that your person can be multiple people

and that your person can be yourself

so the third thing is to..

take time to make sense with why things happen the way they did

so one of my favorite quotes in the book that I'm currently reading

'The Five People You Meet in Heaven' is..

"In order to move on, you must understand.."

"..why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it."

breaking up with my ex..

my most recent ex that is not recent at all

it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do because..

it was more about letting go of my attachments to a lot of things..

rather than letting go of him

what I mean by that is..

it had less to do with him..

I mean it has everything to do with him because he was the one..

who made me feel all these things and made me realize all of these things

but it also had nothing to do with him because it was all about me

it was all about the thoughts in my head

it was all about my thoughts and my notions and my attachments to myself..

and to how I wanted other people to perceive me

to how I wanted to live this like perfect life

and how I wanted to have the image at least of being a perfect person

so I wanted to date a perfect person which on paper my ex was

tall, good looking, good family, good school

I mean we went to the same school..

had a good job

all the things that you can check off..

on the check boxes that you want in your ideal build-a-boy kit

yeah so he had all of that

and I think another layer of it was like you know..

I think it's like a thing that girls want to do..

like if all the girls like this one guy..

you want to see if you can be the one to like get that one and lock him down

you guys know what I mean

what I realized with all of that was...

it had so much more to do with my ego and my vanity

and my attachment to being perceived a certain way

to be perceived as like this cool girl or this girl who's like..

so whatever that she gets to like.. you know be with this guy

and it had less to do about him

and I realized this is why..

I allowed myself to be in a relationship that wasn't making me happy

because if you're so attached to..

for me it was like satisfying my ego

I allowed a lot of things to slide that should have been non-negotiables

and so with all of that..

if you don't take time to reflect, to think, to process..

what happened and why things happened the way they did..

you won't really be able to move forward from it

or you really.. you won't be able to learn from it

so #3.. importance of making time to make sense of the past

so that #4.. you can try to start letting go of the past

letting go of the past has a lot to do with forgiveness

so forgiving yourself..

forgiving the things that you've done or maybe some things you've said

or maybe some things that you weren't proud of

let go isn't just like.. ugh I don't care anymore

I'm not going to think about it

letting go really is like a process where you see reality for what it is

you see your past for what it is

you thank it.. you are grateful for it..

for it to show you the things and for it to teach you all the things that you've learned

and for you to be able to move on from it..

in like a very non-emotional, peaceful, rational way

and I think that's one of the hardest things

and that's.. I think the thing that took me the longest

to really be able to identify what caused me all the pain

and why I felt all the pain

and why I no longer need to feel all the pain

so taking time to make sense of the past..

letting go of the past..

#5.. so that you can fully fully focus on yourself in the present.. in this moment

because.. it goes..

it all goes back to two mediocre companies do not make a great company

and the importance of self-care

the importance taking care of yourself

the importance of learning about who you are..

learning about the things you are passionate about..

learning about what moves you, learning about what drives you..

learning about what wakes you up in the morning

what makes you want to get up in the morning

I just hit my lamp

so many things for us to learn and discover about ourselves

and I think a really great question to ask yourself is..

are you you arrr..

~ arrh arh rawr arrror arour ~

are you your own best friend

it's the saying that you need to be your own best friend before you can be someone else's best friend

and I think this is relevant in a platonic sense and a romantic sense..

where you really need to know who you are..

before you can be really good in a relationship with anyone else

so another quote from 'Good To Great'..

"When what you are deeply passionate about, what you can be the best in the world at.."

"..and what drives your economic engine come together.."

"..not only does your work move toward greatness, but so does your life"

"For, in the end, it is impossible to have a great life unless it is a meaningful life."

"And it is very difficult to have a meaningful life without meaningful work."

"Perhaps, then, you might gain that rare tranquility that comes from knowing that.."

"..you've had a hand in creating something of intrinsic excellence that makes a contribution."

"Indeed, you might even gain the deepest of all satisfactions..."

"..knowing that your short time here on earth has been well spent, and that it mattered."

by focusing on yourself, by focusing on your work..

by focusing on your own life is so important because meaning, right?

like meaning in life, meaning in work, knowing what's important to you..

knowing what's meaningful to you and doing that

taking time to focus on yourself..

taking time to figure out what's important to you..