I was someone who thought I just get along better with boys.
But in reality, I was just terribly intimidated by, and afraid of, WOMEN.
I fell into that whole stereotypical thinking that women are drama or too emotional or catty.
Blurgh. Social conditioning.
But as I've stumbled through my twenties, matured, and learned, and grown and I'm now rapidly approaching 30.
I've been looking back and thinking about what's been the most impactful in my life in the last decade.
If I could go back in time and tell myself anything at 20, what would it be?
And without a doubt, I would say, "Yo, female friendships though, you're sleeping on them."
And as I take stock of the kinds of women in my life, I have noticed a pattern emerge, the sort of standing pillars of friendship, that each one of my friends sort of fall into.
Number one: The Caretaker
She's protective, nurturing, and encouraging.
She's got a multitude of snacks in her purse whenever you're hungry, will send you out the door with an umbrella or jacket if you forgot one, and leave you feeling loved and taken care of.
She's sort of like your mom and your big sister and mother nature rolled into one beautiful package.
She's the kind of women who bakes a delicious gluten free muffin in the same day that she retiles her bathroom.
Number two: The Fun-time Friend
She's a wild card, but isn't that the best card in Uno!
She can out drink you, make you laugh until you pee a little, and has a million events that you can be her plus one to.
She's especially essential immediately post-breakup and will make sure that you have ample thirst traps to make your ex regret their decision.
She makes you feel like it's both of you versus the world, and you pity the world because they're hella outnumbered.
Three: The Independent Woman
She's driven, inspiring, and has her life together, but makes your mess of life feel like it's a glorious work in progress.
She's the one you call when you have no idea how to find out where your towed car is, or when you need advice on how to find a good tax person.
She's probably not that much older than you, maybe she's even younger than you.
But her emotional maturity is through the roof and you definitely view her as your mentor sometimes.
She's confident, has a solid sense of self worth, and everything about her is what you wanna be when you grow up.
Four: The One-on-one Friend
She may be more introverted, so you mostly hang out one-on-one bonding over tea and good conversation.
You may discuss anything from books you've been reading to the deep-seated traumas you're uncovering in therapy.
But either way, you usually hang out for hours on end and leave your time with her feeling connected, seen and excited to talk again.
She's normally incredibly compassionate, deep-feeling, and thoughtful.
And you value her objective perspective on so many different issues.
And finally, five: The Toxic Friend. Not all female friends are great.
In fact you may have a few toxic friends in your circle, from frenemies to negative nancies, we all have that friend that we're not entirely sure we should even be friends with.
I mean maybe every time you see each other she talks for two hours before asking you a question about yourself.
Maybe she's emotionally draining, puts you down as a joke, or reaches out only when she wants something from you.
Either way, you usually have something to learn from this kind of friend, whether it's how to set strong boundaries, speaking up for yourself, or just learning what type of people you don't want in your life.
There you have it.
The five types of female friends I've noticed circulate in and out of my life over the last ten years.
And if I had to guess which one I was, I would probably say The One-on-one Friend.
Though I have definitely been The Fun-time Friend when I was a teenager; and on occasion, The Toxic One, which sucks but sometimes you are.
What about you? Let me know in the comments below, and do not forget to share this with that special friend in your life or The Toxic One.
Uh yeah, actually, if a friend randomly sent this to you, you're probably toxic, sorry!
I am Anna Akana and thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's video.
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I recently listened to the book "Text Me When You Get Home".
It was such an informative read about the way that modern female friendships have evolved in both cinema representation and in the life of the author Kayleen.
As someone who was also once threatened by the idea of a woman and greatly intimidated by flocks of them, I found it to be really relatable in all the ways that I used to reject being a girl's girl because I was stupid.
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