There is, after all, so much wrong with them.

畢竟，他們有非常多的缺點。

They're selfish, arrogant, bullying, weak, cold, needy and so on.

他們自私、傲慢、以大欺小、軟弱、冷漠、很黏人等等。

So we try to point some of this stuff out and often meet with resistance, denial or sheer indifference.

因此，我們試圖指出他們那些缺點，但往往會遭到反對、否認，或漠不關心。

This can be very agitating and hence renders us cross and severe.

這可能會讓人非常焦躁，因而導致我們感到憤怒且苛刻。

Why won't people take our lessons on board?

人們何不接受我們的教訓呢？

In our behavior, we tend to be making an implicit distinction between two projects.

在我們的行為舉止中，我們傾向於區分兩件事情所隱含的不同。

Getting other people to change and changing ourselves.

改變他人和改變自己。

We know we may have to develop in certain ways, but for now, our focus is on altering others.

我們知道我們可能還有許多方面需要調整，但現在我們專注在改變別人。

We make an evolution in our own behaviour, conditional on evolutions in other people's.

前提條件是他人先改變，我們才會調整自己的行為。

We vow that we'll be nicer if they're nicer, that we'll be less strident if they give up shouting.

我們立誓如果他們變得更好，我們也會變得更好；如果他們別大吼大叫，我們也不會咄咄逼人。

However, we're prone to miss an important insight.

然而，我們我們很容易失去重要的洞察力。

Changing how you behave to others can be the fastest way to alter how others behave towards you.

改變自己對別人的行為舉止，是改變別人如何對你最快的方式。

People tend to a remarkable extent, to mirror behavior.

人們常有同樣程度上的鏡像行為。

If someone is aggressive around them, they become aggressive back.

如果有人在他們身邊咄咄逼人，他們就會變得咄咄逼人。

If someone is gentle, they become soft in return.

如果有人很溫柔，他們也會變柔和。

If someone acts wisely, it'll draw any latent reserves of wisdom out of the audience.

如果有人很有智慧，就會從觀眾身上汲取任何潛在的智慧。

We're often in the paradoxical position of advocating one kind of behavior while making use of quite another.

我們通常處於一種自相矛盾的處境，即提倡一種行為的同時卻在做另一種行為。

We might quite angrily suggest that someone else calm down.

我們可能會很生氣地建議其他人冷靜下來。

Or we may bullyingly insist to a person that they try to be more empathetic.

或我們可能會脅迫別人，要求他們要變得更有同情心。

We deserve sympathy.

我們值得被同理對待。

It's the agitation and anxiety of trying to teach that can easily take us far from the behavior we're advocating.

試圖教導會讓我們感到我們焦躁、焦慮，使我們輕易地偏離所倡導的行為。

Here it bears to remember a saying often falsely attributed to Mahatma Gandhi though eminently useful nevertheless.

值得記住的這句話，儘管它非常有用，但常常被誤認、歸功於聖雄甘地。

"Be the change you want to see."

改變成我們自己想要的樣子。

It captures something key.

它蘊藏了一些關鍵因素。

How sensible it may often be to give up on teaching directly in order to try to teach by example.

與其教導別人，直接以身作則才是明智的。

This has one great advantage.

這有一個很大的優勢。

We can control ourselves while it's remarkably hard to exert any sort of direct control over anyone else.

我們可以控制自己，但很難運用任何方法控制其他人。

Our disappointment with other people should be redirected towards exerting control over the one thing we can reliably command: ourselves.

我們對他人的失望應轉向我們能掌控的東西：我們自己。

Seeing us exhibiting certain virtues has a remarkable ability to inspire others into imitating us.

看見我們展現出某些優點，就會激發別人效仿我們。

And even if change is not immediate, we can at least take pride in the integrity of our position, knowing that we've had the strength and dignity already to have start to become the change we want to see.

即使改變無法立竿見影，至少我們可以為自己的正直而感到自豪，因為我們知道自己已經有力量和尊嚴，並開始成為我們希望成為的樣子。