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  • - Yo, what's up? I don't even care

  • if you thumbs up or subscribe,

  • just laugh with me, y'all.

  • (horse gallops)

  • (magic twinkle)

  • Whaddup everyone, it's your girl, Superwoman

  • and hold up, wait a minute, I know what you're thinking.

  • Lily what is you doin', why is you

  • makin' back to school videos? You're not in school anymore.

  • You're old. And hold up, bababa,

  • I'm doing this because I believe education is important,

  • okay, especially because back to school videos

  • do really well and get a lot of views and that's important.

  • (laughs)

  • Kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding,

  • that's not the only reason. I like to reminisce

  • about all the great times I had in school.

  • You know, two years ago.

  • Okay, fine, I'm just kidding, three years ago,

  • four years ago. I'm just kidding.

  • You know what, whatever the hell I say,

  • shut the eff up, it's my channel.

  • I always found the following things weird and hilarious.

  • Number one: supply teachers.

  • I swear to God. If you ever wanna witness pure evil,

  • don't even bother streaming The Exorcist, right,

  • just watch a group of kids who have a supply teacher.

  • It's like there's this unspoken code, between students,

  • where it's like, no matter what,

  • if a supply teacher walks into this classroom, we unite.

  • - [Male] Oh my gosh.

  • - Good morning.

  • (students chatter)

  • - Don't even talk to me during class. Bun you! I hate you.

  • - Okay, I ain't tryin' to talk to your stank,

  • lyin', backstabbin', ho self.

  • - Sh, sh. I can't even hear you. La la la.

  • - Excuse me.

  • - What do you mean? I did all the work in the group project.

  • Look at these girls. She don't even know

  • what she's talking about.

  • - Yo, chill. You're all so annoying.

  • - Get out of here. You're so waste, Maggie. Get out of here.

  • - You're gross. Your locker smells.

  • Your backpack smells. Your lunch smells.

  • - I'm your substitute teacher.

  • - (bright, happy music plays)

  • - Oh, hello. Alright, everybody, can you please

  • pass your homework forward from yesterday?

  • - Homework? No, Miss, we didn't have any homework.

  • - Very funny, but your teacher told me

  • he assigned chapter 10.

  • - No, Mrs. Wright. Chapter 10 was last week.

  • - Are you sure? It's written right here that-

  • - We never get assigned homework on Tuesdays.

  • It's our mental health day.

  • - Oh.

  • - And our teacher always lets us use phones in class.

  • - I see.

  • - Yeah, and we're usually encouraged to create

  • our own field trips.

  • - How educational.

  • - Yeah, and we're allowed to smoke in class.

  • - Hold on, now.

  • - To protest against racism.

  • - Oh my. Carry on.

  • (lighter clicks)

  • - I don't know what it is. It's like a sixth sense

  • that students have. Just like, yo, we know we need

  • to collectively lie to the supply teacher.

  • And, somehow, we's all on the same page.

  • This poor supply, I tell you, she gettin' played

  • more times than Fortnite.

  • Number two: answering questions.

  • Now, I know I can't be the first person

  • in the world to make this joke,

  • but it's just so accurate and relatable

  • that it needs to be re-said. And that is

  • there is a system in place. It's very simple.

  • If I know the answer, I put my hand up.

  • Therefore, if I do not know the answer,

  • guess what I will not do? Put my hand up!

  • Miss Idiot-Box Math Teacher. Why you breakin'

  • the system because you have instilled the system

  • in me. You told me to raise my hand

  • if I know the answer. Why you breakin' the system?

  • Why we already have system? Huh?

  • Do you see me on test, just like,

  • this time I'm not going to carry the one.

  • No, I don't. Follow the system.

  • - Okay, class. Let's review yesterday's lesson, okay?

  • Who can tell me the equation of a line.

  • Anyone? Anyone at all?

  • (pages rustle)

  • Lilly, how about you?

  • - Uh, I'm not sure.

  • - Equation.

  • - Uh, I didn't have my hand up.

  • - Of a line.

  • - Humble had his hand up. Jessica,

  • Mark, they all had their hands up.

  • - Y=mx+b. Okay? Write it down.

  • - I... okay.

  • - Any questions?

  • Anyone at all?

  • No questions?

  • - Miss, please, I have to use the washroom, please.

  • - No questions. Okay.

  • Uh, Humble?

  • Do you wanna go to the washroom?

  • - Yeah, sure.

  • What kinda effin' sick joke? Everybody else in the class

  • got their hand up. Okay? The class

  • is like a mother-effin' rage. Just...

  • and you got her like Lilly Singh.

  • Number three: stressed out. Jesus, my hair.

  • You know, I'm playin' the part. Stressed out.

  • Sometimes it's hard to remember that, like, teachers

  • are people too. You know what I mean?

  • It's like we always see them in their jobs,

  • teaching, you forget that they go home.

  • They have real people problems.

  • Maybe they go home and they have to make a password

  • for something and it's like "Okay, you have to use

  • a capital letter," and then they do and it's like,

  • "Oh my God, no, you have to use a number,"

  • okay, so then they do and then it's like,

  • "Oh no, wait, you also need punctuations,"

  • and they do and then it's like,

  • "Oh no, and it needs to be 49 characters."

  • And you're like, okay, wait, what was this video about?

  • So annoying. The point is that sometimes

  • a teacher's personal life stress can seep

  • into the classroom and it gets hella weird.

  • - Okay, class, a nuclear family is a couple

  • and their dependent children regarded

  • as a basic social unit.

  • - So, Miss, if the couple isn't together,

  • it's not considered a nuclear family?

  • - Well, Lilly, maybe the couple isn't together

  • because a young girl married a 40 year old accountant

  • who sweats when he eats.

  • And when she cooks dinner after a long day at work,

  • it gets cold. Why? Because he says he'll be home by 9

  • but he really comes home by 12.

  • - So it's not a nuclear family, then?

  • - And when they kiss, he keeps his eyes open.

  • And when he sleeps, he snores, but not in an adorable way,

  • in an "I can't get any REM sleep" type of way!

  • - Miss, m-

  • - Write this down. Okay, because when he's done

  • brushing his teeth, he doesn't put the cap

  • back on the toothpaste, so it's not really

  • a paste consistency anymore, it's more like a tar.

  • Yeah, so I have to chew my teeth clean every morning.

  • (pencil scratches)

  • I had three kids! Okay, my first kid took 14 hours

  • to be born. Yeah, that's 14 hours

  • of my vagina splitting in half.

  • There's a walrus tattoo on my thigh, it used to be a tiger.

  • - Miss, is this gonna be on the test?

  • - I had dreams!

  • - Number four: attendance. You know straight up,

  • this one? It makes no sense. I can't even comprehend.

  • I am a performer. I have performed in front

  • of thousands of people around the world,

  • and I am not nearly as nervous then as I am

  • when I'm waiting for my name to be called

  • during attendance. Why?

  • - Okay, I'm just going to quickly take attendance.

  • - Oh no.

  • - When I call your name, just say present.

  • - Wait, what do we say? - Billy.

  • - Yo, wait. Did she say Lilly? - Mark.

  • - Yo, she didn't call my name, right?

  • - Monica.

  • - What if the way I say present sounds weird?

  • - Anthony.

  • - Yo wait, this is Chem 200, right?

  • - Uh, Robert.

  • - Miss, can you repeat the instructions?

  • - George.

  • - Oh my god, it's almost my turn.

  • - Lilly.

  • - You can do this.

  • - Lilly?

  • - Lilly, say present.

  • - Is Lilly here?

  • - Absent. Damn it.

  • - Hold on, hold on. Let me get this straight. Okay?

  • You want me to sit here and listen to all these names

  • that are not mine, and then at a specific moment

  • you want me to respond with one word

  • to my name? Okay. Where was the warning?

  • Number five: teacher's helpers.

  • You know, when I look back at my school years,

  • I realize that a lot of the things teachers ask

  • their kids to do, were wack as eff.

  • Hold up, okay, don't get dark.

  • Calm down, get your mind out of there.

  • I'm talking about simple tasks and errands after school.

  • All of these things we used to do for our teachers.

  • And for what?

  • - Alright, Miss, I'm done cleaning the board.

  • I put those mugs back in the staff room,

  • and I took out the recycling.

  • - Wow, good job, Lilly. You know what you get?

  • (cheerful music plays)

  • - Awesome.

  • - Now, those quizzes aren't gonna mark themselves.

  • - I'm on it.

  • - 'Cause if you think about it,

  • they ain't get any extra credit

  • or get any marks for this work. No.

  • It's exploitation, okay? It's modern day slavery.

  • That's why she's just like, "Oh, yes, hi student."

  • "Yeah, if you could just mark all these papers for me,"

  • "and then can you assemble these iPhones?"

  • I'm on to your games, teacher.

  • Stop making people who are younger

  • than you do things that benefit you

  • and really don't benefit them in any way.

  • Okay, having said that, yo, can you guys follow me

  • on my social medias? Twitter, Instagram, all these things?

  • Just kidding. Don't do it, don't do it.

  • No, you see this pimple right here?

  • My selfies have been really hurting,

  • so you need to follow me next week.

  • Okay, yo, peace. Do the end card.

  • (dramatic slam)

  • (magical twinkle) Yo, I hope you enjoyed that video.

  • Like I said, I just want you to laugh

  • but if you want you can go ahead and click that thumbs up.

  • My last video's right over there.

  • Second, vlog channel's... I say this all the time

  • but do you ever actually go there?

  • Just go there, check it out. Make sure you subscribe

  • because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday.

  • If you want. Hope you're having a good day.

  • Sending you hugs and kisses. One love.

  • Superwoman. That is a wrap and zoop.

- Yo, what's up? I don't even care

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B1 中級 美國腔

學校裡發生的怪事 (Weird Stuff That Happens In School)

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    raychen0918 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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