Ourimpulsewhenlookingforwhattotalkabouton a datemightbetopickupon a currentevent, somedetailoftheenvironmentor a fewimpressivethingsaboutourcareers.
當我們在想約會時該聊些什麼時,我們可能會選擇聊時事、環境的細節或一些工作上令人印象深刻的事。
Butif a dateisatheartanauditionfortheemotionalcapacitiesrequiredforthesuccessof a long-termrelationship, therealpurposeofconversationon a datemustbetotrytounderstandthedeepselfoftheotherperson.
Weknowwewillbedoingwellif, at a certainpoint, ourdatereflectsthatthey'veneverbeenaskedsomanypsychologically-weightyquestions – andareweperhapssomesortofpsychotherapistintraining…?
Suchcommentsplayfullyreflecthowcomparativelysurfacemostchatendsupbeingon a dateandhowunnervingandyetintheenddelightfulitcanbetosensethatforoncethefocusofanother's interestisfirmlyonthedetailsofoursouls.
Becausethereissuch a riskofhumiliationinrevealingwherewemessedup, ifwecanbe a patientandcompassionatelistener, wewillbedoingsomethingforourdatethatalmostnoonehaseverdoneforthem – atleastoutsideof a professionaltherapy.