How was your weekend?

你這個週末過得如何？

Good.

不錯呀

Went to a farm, did some yard work,

我去了一個農場，幹了些活

had a donut, F'ed some goats.

吃了個甜甜圈，幹了一些羊

Um, fed.

呃，餵 (了一些羊) 啦！

Not F'ed.

不是幹 (了一些羊)

Please do not F goats, you guys.

拜託大家不要幹羊

It's not right.

那樣做很糟糕

This is from Angie from Remington, Indiana.

這是來自印第安納州雷明登的 Angie

Where are you?

你在哪？

One more beer, then we're lesbian.

再喝一杯，然後我們就會變成女同志了

Autocorrect, haha.

剛那是自動校正哈哈哈

Leaving.

應該是 (然後我們就會) 出發

Although that is how it happened for me.

不過我 (艾倫) 就是這樣變成女同志的

[APPLAUSE]

(掌聲)

Oh, boy.

天啊

This is from Jessica from Shawnee, Kansas.

這是來自堪薩斯州肖尼的 Jessica

What are you up to?

你在幹嘛？

Babysitting.

當臨時保姆

Woo.

嗚

Sitting on the couch, watching a movie,

坐在沙發上看電影

doing homework, eating their food, all while getting laid.

一邊做作業，一邊吃著他們家的食物，然後同時還在做愛

Oh, no.

我的天啊

Haha, I meant paid.

哈哈，我是要說 (然後同時還能) 拿到工錢

Sherry from Saskatoon, Canada.

這是來自加拿大薩克屯的 Sherry

You home yet?

你到家了嗎？

I'm eating lots of penis, so you better stay away.

我正在吃超多個陰莖，所以你最好待得遠遠的

What?

什麼鬼？

OMG.

我的天啊

Peanuts, peanuts.

花生！花生！

Definitely not penis.

絕對不是陰莖

And here's my favorite.

然後這個是我最愛的一則

This is from Muhammad from New York, New York.

這是來自於紐約州紐約市的 Muhammad

Dad and I fondled ourselves for the first time last night.

昨晚我和你爸第一次愛撫

We didn't get good results.

但我們沒有得到好的結果

Nothing came up.

沒有東西站起來

LMAO, mom.

笑死我了啦，媽

I don't know what you tried to write, but that's hilarious.

我不知道你原本是要說什麼，但這太爆笑了

Auto erect.

自動起立

Autocorrect!

自動校正啦！

We googled ourselves.

我是說，我們上網搜尋自己

No results.

但沒有查到東西

Hey, if you see an auto erect that I should see,

嘿，如果你們看到任何有趣的自動起立 (自動校正)

please send it to me.

請傳給我