This first one is from @msshawn80.

第一則是 @msshawn80 的推文

She says...

她說...

My grandpa was making mashed potatoes when his dentures fell into them.

我阿公在做馬鈴薯泥時，假牙掉進去啦！

He stared right at me, and after he put them back in, said, "Don't you tell a soul."

他直勾勾地看著我，並在放下馬鈴薯泥後，說了句：「死都別告訴任何人！」

[ Laughter, applause ]

(笑聲、掌聲)

Shh! Shh!

噓，安靜！

-You can't handle the tooth. -It never happened.

- 假牙感覺來了，停都停不住 - 想得美

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

This one's from @sarahbeezie. She says...

下一則是 @sarahbeezie 的推文。她說...

My uncle got so drunk that he was cutting his turkey with the knife handle.

我叔叔酒喝到整個茫掉，所以他用刀柄切火雞

[ Laughter ] Oh, there you go.

(笑聲) 來吧

Oh, a lot of blood coming out of the turkey.

天，火雞流好多血呀！

-It's your hand, Uncle Bill! -My fingers came off!

- Bill 叔叔，那是你的手在流血！- 我手指掉了！

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

-Cutting with the knife handle. -Yeah.

- 用刀柄切肉 - 妙啊

It falls right off the bone.

肉和骨頭就這樣分離了

Oh, my God.

喔天啊！

Falls right off the bone.

分離了唷！

Great job. Moist bird this year, honey.

親愛的，做得好！今年的火雞很多汁

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

Gross.

噁

This one's from @Tinamarie0713. She says...

下一則是 @Tinamarie0713 的推文。她說...

One year my grandmother kept complaining about the awful snacks. She was eating potpourri.

有一年，我阿嬤一直抱怨零食很難吃，但她吃的是百花香 (當作薰香的乾燥花)

Oh! [ Laughter ]

喔天啊！(笑)

This tastes like lavender!

吃起來好像薰衣草

-[ Laughs ] -[ Imitates crunching ]

- (笑) - (模擬咀嚼的聲音)

It was nice kissing her goodnight, though.

不過，給她晚安吻一定很棒

It was very lovely. You smell great, yeah.

太棒了，你聞起來好香！

Very fresh.

非常清新

Your breath smells like Nantucket Briar. [ Laughter ]

你聞起來像 Nantucket Briar (一種女用香水)

[ Laughs ]

(笑)

Nantucket Briar.

女用香水

This one is from @IslaClifford1. She says...

下面這則推文來自 @IslaClifford1。她說...

Two years ago, my aunt forgot the turkey and my cousin forgot the desserts.

兩年前，我姑姑忘了準備火雞，我堂哥忘了準備甜點

So our Thanksgiving dinner was just different kinds of potatoes.

所以我們的感恩節大餐只有各式各樣的馬鈴薯料理

[ Laughter, applause ] Yeah!

(笑聲、掌聲) 讚耶！

[ Gruffly ] Red potato.

(粗聲粗氣) 紅皮馬鈴薯

-French-fried potaters. -French-fried potaters.

- 炸馬鈴薯 - 油炸馬鈴薯

Scalloped potaters.

奶油焗烤馬鈴薯

[ Laughs ]

(笑)

[ Normally ] This next one's from @inchilliwack.

(回到正常聲音) 下一則是 @inchilliwack 的推文

He says...

他說...

Should have used the pie pan.

早知道要用餡餅烤盤

Look at this photo. Oops.

看這張照片，糟了！

[ Laughter ]

(笑聲)

-That's what happens? -Solid crust, yeah.

- 發生這種事？ - 真的只剩餅皮啊

I never knew what would happen if I didn't use it.

沒用烤盤這種事，我想都沒想過

Took it out of the pie pan. [ Laughs ]

想到拿出烤盤後的樣子 (笑)

I'm not gonna let this burn in my [laughs].

我才不會讓派在我的 (烤箱) 裡燒起來 (笑)

[ Laughs ] Don't wanna waste this good aluminum foil.

(笑) 不想浪費鋁箔紙咩

Oh, this one's good. This one's from @lachute9.

噢，這個很讚。看看 @lachute9 的推文

She says...

她說...

One year my mother-in-law was making gravy. She poured the gravy in a strainer,

有一年，我婆婆在做肉醬時，她把肉醬倒進過濾器

but she forgot to put a pan underneath to catch the liquid and poured it all down the sink.

結果忘記用平底鍋在下面接著，然後全部都進水槽裡了

Aw!

老天鵝！

That's totally something -- [ Laughs ]

確實很... (笑)

-Just pour the whole thing. -I strained it!

- 整個都倒進去了 - 我過濾了唷！

This one's from @KelseyChole01. She says...

下一則來自 @KelseyChole01。她說...

One Thanksgiving I tried out my new chocolate fountain, but it broke and spun out of control.

有一年感恩節，我試用了新的巧克力噴泉，可是它壞掉了，接著開始不受控地亂轉

Hot fondue got everywhere and then it hardened.

融化的熱巧克力噴得到處都是，然後冷卻變硬

Just look at the photo. That's real.

看看這張照片，所言不假啦！

She sent a photo right there.

她附上這張照片

-Oh, my... -Oh!

- 天... - 天！

Disaster.

災難一場

-I didn't even know you could... -That's a fon--

- 我都不知道可以... - 有夠失落 (濕酪) 的

-That's a fon-don't. -That's a fon-don't.

- 超失落 (濕酪) - 絕對不是乾酪了

This last one is from @ThisIsErikaC.

最後一則來自 @ThisIsErikaC

She says...

她說...

One year the turkey still had pink juice coming from it after cooking, but my dad said it was just "leg juice."

有一年，火雞烤完之後，還有粉紅色的汁液流出，而我爸卻說那只是「腿汁」

Everybody but me ended up with food poisoning.

結果除了我之外，大家都食物中毒

Oh, gross. There you go.

好噁！就這樣啦

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看到了吧。趕快上【今夜秀】標籤系列，看看我們的精選主題！

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