"My Weird Roommate" stories from you guys.

"我的怪異室友 "的故事來自你們。

I once had a roommate, by the way, quickly,

對了，我曾經有一個室友，很快。

that used to sleep...

以前睡覺的時候...

His sheets were so tight... [ Laughter ]

他的床單是如此之緊...[笑聲]

...I don't even know how he fit in the bed.

...我都不知道他是怎麼躺在床上的。

And he'd somehow fit himself or slithered into the bed,

而他'不知怎麼就把自己或溜到了床上。

and his, like, feet couldn't even stick up.

和他一樣，腳甚至不能堅持了。

It was just tight, so his feet were probably like that,

就是緊，所以他的腳大概就是這樣。

I'm assuming, and then he -- like this...

我假設，然後他 -- 像這樣... ...

like he was a vampire.

就像他是一個吸血鬼。

-Vacuum-sealed in the bed. -Yes. Yes.

-真空密封在床上。-是的，是的是的，是的

He was sucked into his own bed,

他被吸到了自己的床上。

and I just never saw him get in or get out,

我只是從來沒有看到他進進出出。

so I don't really know.

所以我不'真的不知道。

[ Laughter ] Maybe there was help.

[笑] 也許有幫助。

Maybe he had friends help him, tuck him in --

也許他有朋友幫他，給他掖被子... ...

I don't know what went down.

我不知道發生了什麼。

This first one is from @Chrishyer31.

這第一張來自@Chrishyer31。

He said...

他說...

[ Laughter, applause ]

[笑聲，掌聲]

"Have one, dude?"

"有一個，夥計？"

"No, thanks."

"不用了，謝謝。"

Gross.

毛。

-Then he'd wear the socks.

-然後他就會穿上襪子。

-[ Chuckles ]

-[笑聲]

This one's from @OrangeShamWow.

這個'是@橘子沙文的。

-Oh, wow. Maybe he's a friend of that dude.

-哦，哇。也許他是那個傢伙的朋友。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

He used ShamWow! instead of socks, which makes more sense.

他用的是ShamWow！而不是襪子，這樣更有意義。

-Oh, ShamWow. -Oh, wow.

-哦，ShamWow.-哦，哇

-[ Chuckles ]

-[笑聲]

He says...

他說...

[ Laughter, applause ]

[笑聲，掌聲]

Show-tay.

顯示-泰。

-It's yo birthday.

-這是你的生日。

-Show -- [ Chuckles ] [ Laughter ]

-顯示 - [笑] [笑] [笑]

-We're gonna party. -Go, show-tay.

-我們要開派對了-去吧，去吧

No, show-tay. Not shorty. -Oh, I thought it was shorty.

不，展示-泰。不是矮子-哦，我以為是矮子。

Oh, sorry. My mistake. -Show-tay.

哦，對不起，我的錯。我的錯。-再見

-Little hard of hearing.

-聽力有點差

-This one's from @lifeat30plus. She says...

-這個是來自@lifeat30plus的。她說...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Applause] Sorry.

[掌聲] 對不起。

I would move out.

我會搬出去。

I move out if that went down. Like...

我搬出去，如果這下去。就像...

[ Hiccups ] Ouchie. -Ouchie.

Ouchie。-歐琪

-[ Hiccups ] Ouchie.

-[打嗝] Ouchie。

-Want a Cheeto?

-要不要吃奇多？

[ Laughter ] -Oh, my God. That was him?

哦，我的上帝。那是他嗎？

-Yeah.

-是的

-This one's from @ElizH2O.

-這個是@ElizH2O的。

Big fan of water. -Yeah, loves water.

很喜歡水。-對，喜歡水

-She says...

-她說...

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

I have many questions. -Yeah.

我有很多問題-是的

-Do people have pet snails? -Yeah, I don't know.

-人們有寵物蝸牛嗎？-是的，我不知道。

-Also, she probably caught on 'cause it was moving too fast.

-還有，她可能是抓住了'因為它移動得太快了。

Like, there's no way he'd get all the way over there.

就像，他不可能一路走到那邊去。

He was just there this morning.

他今天早上剛到過那裡。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

This one's from @Mldmd7.

這個是@Mldmd7的。

Seven? So there's six other Mldmds.

七個？所以還有六個Mldmds。

-Oh, yeah. MDs.

-哦，是的。哦，是的。

-Mldmd. So they're a doctor, I presume?

-Mldmd所以他們是個醫生吧？

-Maybe. -Mldmd.

-也許吧-Mldmd。

-Maybe it's like Roman numerals. Is it 1,000?

-也許它就像羅馬數字。是1,000嗎？

-[ Laughs ] That would be -- -Minus 50.

-那就是... ...減去50。

1,500. -And then gave up and wrote 7.

1,500.-然後放棄了，寫了7。

-Yeah, forget it. Seven.

-是啊，算了吧七號

-[ Laughs ] -Too hard, man.

-太難了，夥計。

-Yeah, exactly. -Too much math, man.

-是的，沒錯-太多數學了，夥計

-It's supposed to be 2007. Whatever, man.

-這應該是2007年。管他呢，夥計

She says...

她說...

[ Laughter, applause ]

[笑聲，掌聲]

Raindrop!

雨滴！

-Drop top! -[ Mutters ]

-垂頭喪氣！-[喃喃自語]

-Cookie! [ Laughter ]

-庫克！[笑聲]

-Raindrop! -Drop top!

-雨滴！-滴頂！

♪♪

♪♪

[ Indistinct shouting ] -There you go.

[模糊的叫喊] 你去那裡。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

I think that's fun. I don't think that's weird.

我認為這很有趣。我不認為這是奇怪的。

That's kind of a fun bit. -I like that.

這是一個有趣的位。-我喜歡這樣

Raindrop! -Drop top!

雨滴！-滴頂！

♪♪

♪♪

-Cookies! -Cookies?

-餅乾！-餅乾？

[ Laughter ] Are you saying cookies?

[笑] 你是說餅乾？

-Cookie. Cookie? Cookie?

-餅乾。Cookie?Cookie?

-Cookie. Like cookies.

-餅乾。餅乾。

-He's saying cookies? -Yeah.

-他在說餅乾？-是的

-[ Imitates munching ]

-[模仿咀嚼]

-I know what a cookie is, thank you. I know.

-我知道什麼是餅乾，謝謝你。我知道，我知道

"Nom, nom, nom," is what you say. I understand.

你說的是 "nom, nom, nom"。我明白了

That's for "Sesame Street." I know what that is.

那是 "芝麻街 "的意思。我知道那是什麼

-They're flat. -I thought it was like

-他們是平的-我以為它就像

"cook it in a crockpot" or something.

"用燉鍋煮 "什麼的。

-No, no, not yet. It's like,

-不，不，還沒有。這就像。

"Raindrops, drop top, eatin' on cookies in the hot box."

"雨滴，落頂，吃在熱箱裡的餅乾上。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Oh, yeah. -Eating on?

-哦，是的-吃東西？

-I thought it was like...

-我想這就像...

"Someone's gonna cook in a crockpot"?

"有人要用燉鍋做飯"？

-They're gonna do that too.

-他們也會這樣做的。

Grandma cooking in a crockpot. Cookies!

奶奶在燉鍋裡做飯。餅乾！

-Oh, yeah. [ Laughter ]

-哦，是的。[笑聲]

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

♪♪

♪♪

-Instant Pot.

-即食鍋。

-Show-tay. -[ Laughs ]

-秀泰-[笑]

-Ah, show-tay. -We're going to party.

-啊，表演賽-我們要去參加聚會。

-This one is from @birdaileen. She says...

-這個是@birdaileen發來的。她說...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

[ Pounds on desk ] We know about the chickens!

我們知道雞的事了!

-Bird! Bird! And her name's Bird?

-鳥兒！鳥兒！她的名字叫 "鳥"？

-Oh, yeah. -That's weird.

-哦，是的-真奇怪

-I don't find that weird at all.

-我一點都不覺得奇怪。

-I think it's one of those chickens.

-我想這是其中的一隻雞。

-[ Laughs ] Maybe this bird

-也許這隻鳥

just had a bunch of chicken roommates.

只是有一群雞的室友。

-So, it's a bird sending a tweet about a chicken.

-所以，這是一隻鳥發了一條關於雞的微博。

[ Laughter ] No, thanks.

[笑] 不，謝謝。

-No, thanks? -I may have been born at night,

-不，謝謝？-我可能是在晚上出生的,

but it wasn't night. -[ Laughs ]

但它不是晚上。-[笑]

-Gonna pull a fast one on me.

-你要給我來個痛快的。

-This one's from @trevor deroche.

-這個是@Trevor Deroche送的

-Ooh.

-哦

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Nothing. Trevor DeRoche. -Sounds like a designer.

沒什麼特雷弗-德羅什-聽起來像個設計師

-Fancy. For Target. -What kind of a -- [ Laughs ]

-花式。對於目標公司來說-什麼樣的 -- [笑]

[ Laughter ] -His bathroom brush.

他的浴室刷。

-Trevor DeRoche for Target, yeah.

-Trevor DeRoche為Target工作，是的。

"What sweater you wearing?" "Oh, this is Trevor DeRoche."

"你穿什麼毛衣？""哦，這是特雷弗-德羅什。"

-Oh. -Oh, no big deal.

-哦.-哦，沒什麼大不了的

-[ Laughs ]

-[笑]

-Oh, no big deal, yeah. I just have three of them.

-哦，沒什麼大不了的，是的。我只是有三個人。

-Three Trevor DeRoche. -I have, like,

3個特雷沃-德羅什。-我有，喜歡。

three different types of Trevor DeRoche.

三種不同類型的特雷沃-德羅什。

Trevor DeRoche, he says...

特雷沃-德羅什，他說... ...

[ Audience groans ] [ Laughs ]

[觀眾的呻吟] [笑]

You know that's real, 'cause you can't make that up.

你知道那是真實的，'因為你不能做那。

-Why would you? -Wrote something out like...

-你為什麼要這樣做？-寫了一些東西出來，比如...

Not bad. Not bad. -No.

不錯啊還不錯-不

-Raindrop! -Oh! Drop top!

-雨滴！-哦！

-Cookies! [ Laughter ]

-餅乾！[笑聲]

-This last one is from @annaef135. She said...

-最後一個是@annaef135的。她說...

There you have it. Those are our "Tonight Show" hashtags.

有你有它。這些是我們的 "今夜秀 "標籤。

To check out more of our favorites, go to...

要查看更多我們的最愛，請到... ...