We grow mentally unwell, prey to underconfidence, anxiety, paranoia, and shame,

我們的精神狀況會越發糟糕，淪為自卑、焦慮、猜疑以及羞恥的獵物，

because, somewhere in the past, we were denied the necessary warmth, care, and sympathy.

因為在過去的某個時期，我們被剝奪了我們需要的溫暖、關懷以及同情。

But there is another more curious and more subtle problem that may arise from childhood years.

但是有另一個較不尋常且微妙問題，可能在孩提時期浮現。

What we can term the "golden child syndrome".

我們可以稱之為「金童症候群」。

We may wind up mentally unwell not so much because we were ignored or maltreated but because we were loved with a distinctive and troubling over-intensity.

我們精神出狀況的原因不見得是因為我們曾經被忽視或糟糕對到，而是因為我們曾經以獨特且強到造成困擾的方式被愛。

Because we were praised for capacities that we did not possess and could not identify with,

原因是我們曾因為我們所未具備或是無法認同的能力而被稱讚，

and because we were asked, with apparent kindness but underlying unwitting manipulation, to shoulder the hopes and longings of our carers rather than of our own deep selves.

也因為我們被以明顯友善但潛意識地操控的方式要求承擔監護人的期望與需求，而不是我們內心所欲。

There are childhoods where, upon arrival, the infant is quickly described by one or more of its parents as profoundly exceptional.

有些人的童年當中，在出生那刻很快就被雙親中至少一人形容為是極度傑出的嬰兒。

It is grandly declared uncommonly beautiful, intelligent, talented, and resolutely set for a special destiny.

他被鄭重地宣佈為異常地美麗、聰明、有才能，而且命運註定非凡。

Not for this child the ordinary sorrows and stumblings of an average life.

對這個小孩來說，沒有平凡人生當中普遍的悲傷或跌撞。

While perhaps still no taller than a chair, the offspring is firmly described as a figure whose name will reverberate down the centuries.

就在身高可能還不及一張椅子時，這個小孩就被堅定地形容為一個會名流千古的人物。

On the surface, this could seem to offer a route to enormous self-confidence and security.

在表面上，這可能看似能夠提供擁有高度自信與安全感的路線。

But to place such expectations on someone who still struggles with their coat buttons can, paradoxically, leave a child feeling hollow and particularly incapable.

但把這樣的期望加諸一個還不知道怎麼自己穿外套的小孩身上，可能反而矛盾地讓這個小孩感到空虛以及特別無能。

Unable to sense any resources within itself to honor the hopes of those it loves and depends on,

因為難以在自己身上找到任何資源，能夠履行自己所愛、所依賴的人期望，

the child grows up with a latent sense of fraudulence and consistent fear that it will be unmasked.

這個小孩會帶著些許潛在的欺騙敢成長，並持續害怕著自己哪天會被揭穿。

It winds up, at once, grandly expecting that others will recognize its sensational destiny, and entirely unsure as to why or how they might, in fact, do so.

他最終會立即自命不凡地預期他人會看到自己了不起的命運，但是全然不確定原因或是自己可能如何真的做到。

The golden child cannot shake off a sense that it isvery special and yet can't identify within itself any real grounds why it should be so.

金童無法擺脫一種感覺，自己非常的特別，但是卻沒辦法在自己身上看到自己特別的實際原因。

Its underlying longing is not to revolutionize nations and be honored across the ages.

他潛在的渴望並不是改革名族或是萬古流芳。

It is to be accepted and loved for who it is in all its often unimpressive and faltering realities.

他是想要因為真實的自己被接受、被愛，儘管不起眼且蹣跚的現實。

It wishes, as we all do, to be seen and accepted for itself,

他跟我們都一樣，希望因為真實的自己被看見、被接受，

to have its faults and frailties forgiven and acknowledged rather than denied or glossed over.

讓自己的缺點與脆弱被原諒並認可，而不是被否定或掩蓋。

It is, in the end, as much of an insult to one's authentic reality⏤and as psychologically painful⏤

最後，對於一個人真正現實的羞辱以及心理的苦痛都是一樣的，

to be praised for great things one hasn't done and could never do

不論是因為一個人還沒做或是永遠做不到的偉大事蹟被稱讚，

as to be attacked and blamed for sins one is innocent of.

或是一個人因為沒犯的罪而被攻擊或被怪罪。

The phenomenon suggests that true love should involve an agnosticism around a child's eventual level of worldly success.

這個現象顯示真愛應該是對於一可小孩未來成功程度的不可知論。

It should, ideally, not matter to the parent where a child ends up.

理想的狀況是，小孩的最終成就對家長應該沒關係。

Or rather, it should matter only in so far as, and no further than, it matters to the child.

又或者應該說，它有關係的程度應該僅限於對小孩有關係的程度而已。

Parents who see their child in golden terms are not, of course, consciously cruel.

把小孩是為金童的家長當然不是有意識地殘忍。

They are merely, with tragic fervor, misdirecting energies that have failed to find a better destination.

他們只是有個悲慘的熱忱，把沒能找到更好出口的能量導錯方向了。

The child covertly being asked to redeem a career that did not go as expected,

孩子隱蔽地被要求追尋一個不如預期的職涯、

a depressed mood that did not lift, or a marriage that proved unusually intolerable.

一個未曾散去的沮喪情緒，或是一段證明為非北尋常難忍的婚姻。

The golden child is, over time, destined for a moment of breakdown when the hopes invested in it fail to be realized.

隨著時間推移，金童注定要在投注的期望無法兌現時，歷經一段崩潰。

The golden future will, it starts to be clear, never materialize.

這段黃金未來不會實現的事也漸漸明朗。

But a bigger prize awaits: a feeling of liberation from expectations that were always disconnected from reality.

但是一個更大的獎項還等著：終於擺脫總與現實脫節的期望。

The golden child is freed to enjoy a momentous truth:

金童終於可以自由地享受片刻真實：

that a life does not need to be "golden" in order to be valuable;

人生並不一定是要「金碧輝煌」才能有價值，

that we can live in baser metal forms⏤in pewter or iron⏤and still be worthy of love and adequate self-esteem.

不管用哪種更普通「金屬」度日，我們也值得被愛以及用有適切的自尊。

And, even though this has nothing to do with the original expectations one was asked to shoulder, that realization will be the truly exceptional achievement.

而雖然這跟我們一開始被要求承擔的原始期望無關，這種實現也才是真正了不起的成就。

If you enjoyed our film, please subscribe to our channel and click the bell icon to turn on notifications.

如果你喜歡我們的影片，請訂閱我們的頻道並點擊小鈴鐺以打開通知。

To learn more about self-knowledge, follow the link on your screen now.

要了解更多關於自我認知的資訊，請點擊螢幕上的連結。