A lot of people warned me that maybe for the first time in my life

很多人警告我，也許我人生中第一次

I would feel inadequate academically because I would be average or below

將覺得課業無法適應，因為我將在大多數或全部的課堂中

average in most if not all of my classes. And while I feel like this

成為表現普通或低於平均的學生。而我現在不覺得

hasn't been true in that I haven't felt inadequate when I've felt average and for

這是真的，當我覺得自己表現普通，我並沒有覺得自己不足

the most part I haven't felt average or below average, it's taken a lot of hard

大部分的時間我都不覺得自己表現普通或低於平均，要在這裡成功

work to be successful here. And I've put in that hard work, and it paid off and I

需要很大的努力，而我也進了那份努力，而我也得到成果

got a 4.0 last semester, but I consider this a little bit of a failure and I

我上學期得到了 GPA 4.0，但我覺得這有點失敗

want to tell you why.

而我想告訴你為什麼

I consider this a failure because while I was getting good grades I wasn't

我認為這是個失敗是因為，當我在努力得到好成績時

pursuing anything that I was passionate about, or any of my avenues of growth. I

我並沒有追尋任何我有熱忱的目標，或任何成長的方式

wasn't doing anything that helped me grow. I made the excuse that I was

我沒有做任何能讓我成長的事。我只是找藉口

just too busy with school and with extracurriculars but the reality of the

說我學校課業跟課外活動太忙，但現實情況是

situation was I was spending hours a day on my phone on social media. Not even

我每天花好幾個小時在我的手機上和在社群軟體上

that it was unproductive, it just wasn't giving me any value at all. I guess you

並非說這樣沒有任何好處，只是這沒有給我任何價值。

could say that I fall into the trap of living reactionarily which is that a

我猜你可以說我掉進了保守生活的陷阱裡，也就是

professor would assign a problem set and then I'd do that problem set and then I

教授出一組問題，然後我就做那組問題，然後

have another problem to do so I'd do that problem but I wasn't really proactively

我又有其他問題要做，所以我又去做那個問題，但是我並沒有主動地

pursuing anything it was all reactive it was here's something what are we gonna

去追尋任何東西，都只是被動的得到一個東西，然後想

do about it. And so I wasn't really doing anything out of my own accord I

我們要拿這東西怎麼辦。所以我並非自願地去做任何東西

was just doing what other people told me to do and sure I was doing it well but

我只是做別人叫我做的事，而當然我做得很好，但是

that's not really a good way to live life.

這並不是生活的好方式

I guess one way to think about it is that I basically stop living my own life and I

我想你可以想像成，我基本上不再過我自己的人生

just started living an average life of a Harvard student which is something that

我只是開始過一個普通哈佛學生在過的生活，這也是我

I don't want to do. So yeah, when my grades came out I felt really successful.

不想做的事。所以，當我得到我的成績我覺得自己非常成功。

I had a 4.0 at Harvard! But now in reflection I kind of see that that

我在哈佛得到 GPA 4.0！但現在反思我有點了解到

4.0 is more indicative of how I just spend my life reacting.

4.0 的成績更象徵了我是如何被動地過我的生活

I'm really trying to be proactive now I started to read a lot--I'm reading a book

我現在真的在試著變得更主動，我開始大量閱讀，我今年目前

a week so far this year and it's been amazing and I'm trying to make videos

一週都讀一本書，而目前為止也非常棒，我也試著重新拍一些影片

again like this video because I feel like making videos is one of my passions

像這個影片，我覺得拍影片是我的熱情所在之一

and I would be silly not to pursue it. And most importantly I'm just trying to

如果我不追尋這個認陳也太笨了。最重要的是我正試著

be aware of what I'm doing all the time I'm just trying to be mindful and I

時時注意我平常到底在做些什麼。我只是想要謹慎些

think that's especially important in a place that is as beautiful as Harvard is. I

而我覺得這件事在像哈佛這般美麗的地方來說更為重要

mean, this is such an incredible opportunity and I would feel so awful if

我的意思是，能來到哈佛是多麽棒的機會啊！我如果在五年後回首

I look back on this in five years and realized that I just been reacting for all four years.

發現我整整四年都只是在被動地生活著，那該有多糟呀

And so to that end I've also deleted social media and I've been

而為此我也刪除了我的社群軟體

spending a lot less time on my phone as a result. And I mean I'm sure I'll get it

因此我也減少很多用手機的時間。我確定我之後會

back but right now my relationship with it just isn't healthy and I feel like

再把它下載回來，但現在我和社群軟體的關係不健康，而我覺得

that's just something that I gotta cut off and then maybe build a healthy relationship with in a while.

我必須要斷絕那個東西，也許在一段時間內與其建立一個健康的關係

It's been crazy because I've just gotten hours

目前為止真的很瘋狂，因為我每天

back in every single day and I've been able to put that to to passions and put

又重新得回數小時，我可以把那些時間投入我有熱忱的事物

that to things that that I honestly love doing.

投入我真正喜愛的事情中

As I try to figure this out as I try to focus more on my passions and on the

當我試著想明白這件事、當我試著更專注於我有熱忱的事和

things that helped me grow, sure, my GPA might drop a little bit. I might not have

能幫助我成長的事，當然，我的 GPA 可能會掉一點。我可能不會

a 4.0 for very long. But to be honest it's a lot less scary to me to consider

保持 4.0 很長一段時間。但是比起失去我一半的 GPA

losing half a GPA point than it is to consider losing my passions entirely.

完全失去我的熱忱才是更令我恐懼的