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  • [Dodie] All right, how do I look? sunburned.

  • [Stevie] gorgeous as always. [D] Aw, stop.

  • so. this is stevie

  • [S] Hi!

  • [D] If you didn't know, she's great, she's wonderful

  • Yesterday we had a great day. went to a party and then

  • we just chilled in the living room and chatted all day and Stevie's like

  • "I know this great place. There's like a ball pit." I'm like "wow that sounds great!" We're really tired

  • We're like doing this quiz. Just getting to know each other, go into a ball

  • We're having so much fun, but also we slept for like four hours,

  • So we're really tired, go get some food, and then we're like okay, ready to go home.

  • So a bit buzzed, walking through London, and then we see

  • This like apartment, this room with loud music playing and lights

  • And I'm like "wow."

  • [S] I can't believe you were joking when you said

  • [D] Oh, I was fully joking.

  • [S] —"Let's just go to the party."

  • [D] And Stevie's like, "okay."

  • [S] This is my mission. To get us into this party.

  • Dodie wants to break into this party. We're doing it.

  • [D] I don't know anyone else who would do this. like none of my friends would be this enabling.

  • So we go up the door, and there's this other guy outside. What was his name? I don't know.

  • [S] He was looking at us very suspiciously.

  • [D] Yeah, he fucking knew.

  • [S] He was just like...

  • [D] Of course he knew! He absolutely knew. [S] Who are you here to see?

  • We didn't know why he was acting suspicious. At first

  • I was just like, "Pfft. No one's gonna be like 'no, we don't want more girls at this party.' "

  • [D] We were totally convinced we would fit right in! Like, two hot girls, just walking into this party,

  • and then we're like "yeah we just found it off the street we just gate crashed."

  • I thought it would be so funny, everyone'd be like "wow cool, come join in!' Anyway

  • [S] I like cocky Dodie!

  • [D] So this guy— I think he might've been trying to gate crash as well.

  • [S] Yeah. I never even thought of that. He was probably gate crashing too.

  • [D] Yeah, 'cause he didn't—He didn't know where he was going.

  • [S] I also just learned what "gate crashing" means. I thought you were saying gay crashing the whole night.

  • [D] Well, Stevie. [S] I was like, "what's gay crashing?"

  • Yeah, we walked up, and he immediately was just like "oh, you going to the party?" and we were like, "yeah,

  • We're going to the party." and he's like "oh, who are you here to see?"

  • And we were like "John."

  • "You know John?" "No, I'm here to see Steve." And I was like, "Steve. Steve's a good guy."

  • [D] I reckon he was totally bullshitting.

  • He just made up a name as well! [S] He did the same thing!

  • He went into the party with us and then we never saw him again.

  • [D] Yeah! Yeah!

  • [S] He did the same thing! Maybe he left. [D] Yeah! I think he did the same fucking thing!

  • Stevie just likeis like, "I don't know which one to buzz, we've forgotten the number."

  • Oh, no! and then I was like, "Oh, let me text him. I think his phone's dead though."

  • [D] Oh my God, you did! Ah!

  • Also, okay.

  • I'm terrible at lying. I think because— [S] You're so bad.

  • [D] I used to be a compulsive liar when I was little, so when I have to lie,

  • Genuinely, I can't. I just freeze up, so I just turned away.

  • Please God, let him not ask me any questions.

  • [S] And I pull out my phone and I'm like, acting like I'm texting,

  • "Like, ugh, his phone's dead. I was like, "fuck, let's just push a number.

  • They're probably on the top floor let's press this 22."

  • [D] There was a little light up candle by the right buzzer.

  • [S] Oh, Yeah! we followed the red candle. [D] Yes, we did.

  • [S] This is so dramatic

  • [D] I know! this whole thing is so stupid!

  • We walk in with this other random guy,

  • and there's like, little red candles, like cello-taped along the walls

  • [S] (imitating) cello-taped!

  • [D] Cello-tape. What would you say? Sticky tape? [S] Um.

  • And we're go in the lift, and there's like a red candle on the right floor

  • So they're like "Eh. Bzz." Go up, in the lift, with this random guy, and we're like, okay.

  • There was this one moment where I was like holding my breath in the lift.

  • I was like, "I'm gonna burst out laughing.

  • Or something. I'm going to explode. I can't deal with this."

  • [S] Ugh, so excited to see John. Haven't seen him in so long...

  • [D] Oh, God!

  • [S] I don't know, what was I saying? [D] No! No!

  • No one would say that. you wouldn't be like that.

  • If someone was in a lift and they were like, "Do you know John? I love John. Lemme text John."

  • [S] You'd be like, "you're lying!'

  • [D] So we're in the lift, and it doesn't open. Do you remember? It gets stuck.

  • [S] Oh, yeah! You almost died!

  • [D] I can't hold in this laughter, and it just like, stays there. [S] And I was like, "it'll open in a second."

  • I'm like, "please, God, don't say it's stuck." I'm like, ready to scream.

  • And then it opens. We're like, "okay cool."

  • And we follow the red candles and we follow the music into the party

  • So... how the fuck do we describe this?

  • How do we go? We follow

  • [S] Wait, maybe we should describe what we're wearing.

  • [D] Okay. Oh, yeah.

  • Alright. So, I'm wearing skinny jeans, and like, this stripey blue top.

  • Jeans, jean-jacket. [S] Jeans, white T-shirt, and a denim jacket.

  • We're like, "we'll fit right in, just like casual clothes, like no one will know who. . .

  • who's our friend, who's not our friend, we'll just blend right in."

  • We walk in.

  • [S] We open the door. There's glitter hanging from the ceiling.

  • There is a... rhinestoned windmill

  • that's like, four feet tall, in the center of the room.

  • There's red velvet all over the couches, just laid

  • [D] Oh yeah. [S] —over the couches, there is a smorgasbord of pastries, and

  • [D] carrots, all like, in a circle around some hummus.

  • There was a punch bowl... [S] Oh my God, there was hummus.

  • Homemade Sangria! [D] Oh, yeah. Yeah.

  • [S] Full bar... What else was there, Dodie?

  • [D] HowhowOkay. (clears throat)

  • It's just, full of half-naked men with feathers and heels and sequins.

  • [S] And dresses and wigs!

  • [D] And we stick out like two sore thumbs!

  • [S] Just big feather headdresses, and they're all like eight feet tall, because they're wearing giant heels.

  • Dodie's immediate reaction is

  • "How do we fit in?"

  • [D] What do we do?

  • [S] Let's take our clothes off.

  • And I was like, "yes, ma'am. Already in. Down. Let's do it. I don't even care about the reason."

  • [D] Yeah, I know.

  • [S] Clothes off. Let's go.

  • [D] You were like, "Bullshit. That's not gonna work. But okay!"

  • So we go outside, take off our tops,

  • I'm like, "what are we doing? What are we doing?! This is crazy!"

  • Okay, so me and Stevie gate crashed a party, there's fucking fireworks going on over there."

  • [S] But we immediately started talking to someone!

  • [D] Oh yeah! someone like, comes in, and is like

  • [S] We met Juan. That was the first person we met. [D] Yes. Juan. Yes.

  • [S] And I was like, "that sounds like John, that's probably who they thought I was talking about."

  • [D] Hey! Juan! Good to see you!

  • [S] Long time no see! Why's your phone dead?

  • [D] Everyone was really nice though, that's the thing.

  • [S] Oh my God, everyone was wonderful.

  • [D] Like no one, even though it was fucking obvious we didn't belong there

  • [S] Oh my God. . .

  • [D] absolutely just gate crashed this party.

  • [S] It was obvious because you kept telling people!

  • [D] I can't lie!

  • There was this big, like, light-up 30. It was pretty obvious that like

  • [S] Somebody's 30th birthday. He was great.

  • [D] He was amazing!

  • Oh! So like, at one point,

  • we're sitting on the sofa now just in our bras and skinny jeans, 'cause why not?

  • We're like, sitting down thisthese other two guys, obviously

  • half-naked covered in feathers,

  • and this guy like, struts up to us in his wonderful heels,

  • sits down. He's like, talking to his friend or whatever, who comes over with like, this wristband, right?

  • I think it was like, this like, leather strap wristband. [S] Mm.

  • [D] And he like, unbuckles it and like,

  • lays it out in front of us and is like, "Do you guys wanna top up?"

  • It's full of drugs. I don't even know what.

  • [S] And at this point like, I don't judge anyone for doing drugs,

  • you do whatever the fuck you want,

  • but I mean, like, I don't partake.

  • But at the same time, all I'm thinking is, "Did we just transport to Gay Stereotype Land?"

  • Everyone's wearing heels, everyone's SO bubbly and nice,

  • everyone's so muscular, and everyone has abs, what?

  • [D] Yes! Yes!

  • [S] Everyone's wearing makeup, and. . . everyone's on drugs.

  • [D] Yeah. [S] Like what's happening?

  • [D] Anyway, so this guy's like, "You want to top up?"

  • We're like, "No, thanks! We're okay. But thanks so much!"

  • [Siri] I found something on the web about "gay stereotypes like

  • everyone's wearing heels everyone's so bubbly and nice

  • everyone so muscular and everyone has abs rain makeup everyone's." Check it out.

  • [S] I know, Siri! I had to Google it too!

  • So the guy next to us just like, sniffs coke up in front of us. Like literally on our laps.

  • [S] I know, he was like six inches from our faces.

  • [D] Yeah, he was like here. [S] I don't know. Why was he so close to us?

  • [D] We were just like, "Mhm. Okay."

  • I'm so glad you weren't still on your "Yes! Let's do everything right now!" train. [D] Yeah, no.

  • [S] You were just like, "Hm, this is too far."

  • [D] Yeah, too far. Too many yes's. This isthis is big enough.

  • He's like, snorting some coke, whatever.

  • And then we get talking. He

  • [S] "We" get talking? He gets talking.

  • [D] He gets talking.

  • What was his job again? I guess he was like, a costume designer?

  • [S] I think his job was to tell women what they're doing wrong with their bodies.

  • [D] 'Cause that's all I got!

  • And he was staring at my face, and he was like saying,

  • "Oh, you should lighten your eyebrows. Your eyebrows are too dark. Like don't use black."

  • [S] He was like, "Listen, if you come to a gay party,

  • you need to do these things." [D] Yes.

  • [S] "Girl, let me tell you, there's some girls around here,

  • that I'm just judg— I'm just helpin' them—"

  • He just fixed someone's wig, before he sat down next to us.

  • [D] Yes, that's right, he was like, "Come here."

  • [S] But like, aggressively, was just like— [D] Yeah.

  • [S] NYHMHMHMHMHM" [D] Yeah yeah yeah.

  • And then he like, like looks at me, and is like, "Hm. Okay."

  • [D] Yes you were. [S] Protective defensiveWHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER?!

  • Don't talk to her!

  • [D] Hm. . . Hmm.

  • And then like, told me that my eyebrows were too dark,

  • and I should get like, honey hair.

  • [S] "You have to go brown, you have to go

  • Oh, first he told you you needed to go to the sun bed.

  • [D] Oh, yes!

  • [S] And you were like, "I like my skin tone!"

  • [D] "This is how you get all the boys. All the boys will come running after you."

  • And we're sitting there like, "Hm. Okay."

  • [S] This is how you get all the boys. You can have any boy you want— [D] I'm a lie.

  • [S] —if you just change your eyebrows.

  • [D] Oh. Thank you so much, random gay man on coke. Anyway

  • [S] He had like, a Zorro mask

  • [D] Oh yeah! [S] —painted on his face in makeup.

  • [D] What else was he wearing? [S] His partner was also Zorro.

  • A top hat. And no shirt, and a blazer on top.

  • [D] Oh, yeah! And they were matching! [S] Was he glittery?

  • [D] Probably. I don't—

  • [S] He was wearing heels.

  • [D] Yes. They were all wearing very sparkly heels.

  • Oh, we touched some, like, Louis Vuitton spiky shoes.

  • [S] Mmm! [D] That was very exciting.

  • [S] That guy was nice. And then he came and brought you over desserts. Do you remember the dessert?

  • [D] Oh, yeah! Like a little passion fruit thing.

  • And I was like, "I'm worried this tastes funny what's in this?"

  • [S] I know! Understandably, after people are like, "What drugs would you like?" [D] Yeah.

  • [S] And you're like, "What's in this pastry?"

  • So then he fixed us. By giving us props.

  • [D] And then we fit right on in. Because we're just completely naked. Sparkly things.

  • And somehow it worked. Like you look at the photos now, and you're like

  • [S] We belong there! [D] Oh yeah!

  • [S] Yeah!

  • [D] We somehow did it.

  • [S] I was like, "Getting naked and putting feathers on is not going to make us blend into this party."

  • [D] And it absolutely did.

  • This isn't mine! This isn't Stevie's!

  • We got gifted this and now we're just in our BRAS AND FEATHERS!

  • It's got this like. . .

  • hanging weird strap-on, that you just hid behind your head.

  • I love that you committed to this the whole evening.

  • [S] I know! I mean, it looks great on me, so. . .

  • [D] I need another one. Or maybe just one.

  • Little one shoulder thing. [S] Hm.

  • [D] So that was our evening. And there you go.

  • [S] I never want to forget yesterday.

  • [D] What is the moral of this strange story?

  • Say yes to everything . . .

  • except drugs . . . ?

  • [S] Stevie's an enabler?

  • [D] Yes.

  • Anyway. Alright, I'm done. Thanks for watching.

  • Byeee!

  • Bye!

  • ♪ ♪

  • [D] Oh my God!

[Dodie] All right, how do I look? sunburned.