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  • It's such a good time hanging out!

  • - Good, good!

  • Like you know how the DJ ended with the um, Peaches and Cream?

  • The year [mumbling] They called that a throwback. When did Peaches and Cream become a throwback?

  • Since 6 years ago when it was 10 years old. - Oh my god. - I told you this was...

  • - No, no, no, no, no, we, we are still young. We are part of this crowd...

  • - Hey hey hey, I got a great idea:

  • Let's finish this night with a happy ending. [disgusting] Come on!

  • The happy ending line? Yeah, at least once a month.

  • Seriously? These guys actually think Asian girls like that line?

  • Some girls do apparently. It is f*cking disgusting in my opinion. And unoriginal!

  • You girls are so lucky.

  • I'm sorry, lucky?

  • That, we have to deal with being fetishized? - I would love to be fetishized. - Really?

  • You, you want someone to say, "I'll be Tarzan, you be Mulan." - I would love to get racist Disney pickup lines

  • Come on Mel, admit it, y'all have it way better than we do.

  • Okay? Other ethnicities don't even look at Asian guys in a romantic way. - I mean, that's kind of true. Look at movies.

  • You always see Asian girls with like, a bunch of different types of guys, but you never see Asian guys with

  • Anyone. - Mm-hmm. - Okay. I mean, I didn't say I disagreed there's a problem.

  • I'm just saying I don't think you guys would like someone going after you just because of your race, and

  • saying, "I want some of your egg roll." - That would be so offensive. - Yeah!

  • - Because I'm half Korean. I'd give him some of my mandu and kimbap - Or your ttoek-bokki? - Hey guys. Sorry we're late.

  • Yeah, what are we ordering, Korean food?

  • Nope, Tom was just painting us a very vivid picture of his penis and testicles with Korean dishes.

  • We're talking about yellow fever.

  • Ah, yellow fever pisses me off so much

  • [You screwed yourself, Brett]

  • Uh Brett, what are you talking about? - Oh, it's where guys only go after Asian women. - Oh, no, we know what it is. It's just,

  • you're with Jessica.

  • Yeah, I know. Jessica.

  • Wait, you don't think I have yellow fever?

  • Babe do you think that I'm only with you because you're Asian? - No, honey. Relax. I know you're with me for me.

  • But I, am Asian

  • and the girl you dated before me was also Korean

  • She was adopted.

  • And you dated that girl in Japan. - I was studying abroad. - And why did you choose Japan for your program again?

  • - Because I love the culture and the food and the movies and... [the realization sets in]

  • - Yeah. - Oh my god. - Babe, it's okay. Okay, none of that stuff matters. What matters is that we love each other for who we are.

  • Who's gonna believe that?

  • Huh? What you didn't even believe it. How did how did this happen?

  • You know what? All dating requires physical preferences, right?

  • That's not wrong. - Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Think about it. I mean dating is the most openly

  • racist and

  • superficial thing we do as a society...?

  • You know, I am attracted to other types of women too... [tries to save himself]

  • Don't you people look at me walking around with her and think I'm some sort of creepy sleaze?

  • [collectively] Noooo...

  • Yeah

  • What, it's true! Asians are hella judgmental.

  • Okay

  • You know, it's not my fault. All my friends growing up were Asian. I was the token. Must've been influenced by them or something.

  • No one is blaming you for anything. - And you were raised in Oklahoma surrounded by white people.

  • It's like we just met in the middle, right? - Can you just drop it?, okay? No one cares.

  • And if they do,

  • screw em.

  • Come 'ere.

  • We fit each other. We love each other.

  • It's my friggin white-guilt.

  • Your empathy.

  • Fine, white empathy. What's the difference?

  • The mainstream media emasculates Asian men and sexualizes Asian women and I see it all the time. I'm woke, you know?

  • But no. Here comes white Brett coming out taking advantage of the situation, grabbing an Asian woman like a, colonist.

  • Okay, woah, you did not grab me.

  • I tolerated your horrible karaoke at the office holiday party.

  • I know what I need to do. I need to offset our interracial relationship with the opposite. [laugh]

  • Opposite? Okay, if this your way of trying to justify a three-way, it's not gonna work.

  • [sigh] Come on.

  • I hate when there's no emoji for the face you want to make. - What are you trying to do?

  • I feel bad for whoever's on the receiving end of that.

  • Whatever.

  • Who are you talking to?

  • Okay,

  • don't tell anyone in the group yet and definitely don't tell mom and dad, 'cuz they will freak out but

  • I met a girl a couple weeks ago. - Cool. What is she?

  • What do you mean?

  • Chinese, Japanese, Viet?

  • Okay. Why do you assume that she's Asian?

  • Because you've only ever had Asian girlfriends. - You've only had Asian boyfriends.

  • Yeah, uh, but I've

  • experienced a lot of other types

  • What does that even mean?

  • Too many guys in college wanted to check me off a bucket list of races they wanted to f*ck.

  • Oh, ew, okay

  • I'm sorry yes. - So, I only date Asian guys now.

  • Isn't that just like a white guy having yellow fever?

  • Asians can't have yellow fever.

  • Why not? - Because it's a fever. If we liked Asians, we would have...

  • yellow homeostasis. - Wow, you are truly putting that bow you read to good use.

  • So what is she?

  • She's half Japanese. -I knew it. - And half black.

  • A Blasian?

  • Why is that so shocking?

  • No, no, that's cool. I just didn't know you had jungle fever.

  • Okay, first of all,

  • I think that's an offensive term. And I don't have that.

  • You sure? There's nothing about a race that draws you in?

  • I don't know. I, mayb- look, look. She could have been Indian and I still would've asked her out.

  • Ah! Brown-chitis.

  • What, no! If she were El Salvadorian, doesn't matter. - Ah, Latina-monia. - Do you just sit at home and practice these?

  • Look I think it's great. You're breaking out of your bubble. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

  • ...a great time...

  • Wait, why is no one here yet? Tom is usually super punctual. - Oh, I actually didn't invite Melody or Tom just Andrew.

  • Well, I guess a smaller group's fine sometimes. - And another friend.

  • Wait, who did you invite?

  • Uh, just a friend of a friend. She's new to LA. Her name is Sabrina. - Oh

  • That's nice.

  • She's white.

  • Oh my god.

  • Cool...?

  • You trying to set Andrew up? - Yeah, I just thought that if I'm taking an Asian girl from them,

  • they should get a white girl from us. - That statement is so rude on so many...

  • - Hey! - Sabrina! - Hey!

  • Oh uh, sit right here next to Andrew. [clears throat]

  • Andrew this is Sabrina. - Nice to meet you! - Nice to meet you!

  • Brett, shut it down, shut it down NOW!

  • Oh sh*t, that Asian guy's with a white girl. Hey, cheers bro

  • What is with Asian guy's fascination with dating non-Asian girls?

  • Uh, because it's so rare?

  • Like an Asian girl dating a white guy is easy. They're already sexy to them. - Well, I don't want to be sexy to them.

  • - Well, it's too late.

  • Look all white guys love Asian girls.

  • Okay, white girls on the other hand don't naturally find us sexy.

  • So for us to be desirable to non-Asian girls that takes us undoing all of the

  • William Hung and nerdy Asian sidekick imagery that they've been brainwashed with. Do you have any idea how hard that is?

  • So, you would date a white girl if you could.

  • Probably not. I don't think I could do the culture gap. - Then what are we even talking about? I just want the option, okay? - You guys are the worst.

  • Blake?

  • Tom! Oh my god. Hey good to see you! - Good to see you! Um, Mel this is Blake.

  • We went to law school together. - Hey! Blake. - Hi! Nice to meet you. - How's it going.

  • Where have you been the last two years man? - I transferred to Shanghai. That place is wild.

  • [quality small talk, nice chatting, laughing]

  • So Sabrina actually does social media at Stinepik. - I do. - Nice. - Yeah, Andrew, you do computer stuff too, right?

  • Uh, yeah, but nothing with ABS. We do mainframe engineering done at Silo.

  • Down at Silo.

  • Hashtag how Silo can you go? [laugh]

  • Sorry, can't help it

  • [Tom laughs awkwardly]

  • You guys look like a hashtag duo I like this.

  • Right.

  • Very fun.

  • So Blake planned this epic Asia trip right before we had to buckle down for the bar.

  • Remember that one cab ride that we took in Macau. - Oh yeah,

  • how could I forget? Yeah, so this driver

  • stopped at like three different family businesses of his to introduce me to his his three lovely daughters.

  • - Wow, you don't say.

  • I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. - Cool man.

  • Hey, don't you want another? Or you're good. - Yeah. I'm good. - Cool.

  • How about you? Have you been to Thailand?

  • Okay, let me just stop you right there.

  • Are you seriously opening up a conversation with me about Asian countries?

  • What? - First of all, I'm from San Diego and second you might be hoping I'll fulfill your exotic Asian

  • fantasies, you got the wrong girl. So back off.

  • Not even into white guys.

  • Whoa. Okay. Is that why you're angry? You think I'm hitting on you because you're Asian

  • Uh, yeah.

  • First of all, I'm actually going through a divorce right now if you must know, so meeting women is kind of

  • the last thing on my mind right now.

  • Sorry.

  • It's just you know under the circumstances I thought you were assuming because I'm Asian you're white

  • I was attracted to you?

  • I am, I am, NOT that guy

  • at all.

  • Okay, good. Matter of fact, I'm not really into Asian girls.

  • Oh man, everything looks so good. What do you say we all just get something different?

  • That way we can try a little bit of everything, family style? Yeah, that's good.

  • Hmm. I think I'm actually probably gonna get the chicken Caesar salad if they have it.

  • You sure, you don't wanna try something a little bit more unique. - I'm so simple when it comes to food.

  • Boring, I know. I know.

  • I just love chicken.

  • Who doesn't like chicken, right? - Oh, hey, there's a Cornish hen étouffée - Hen...

  • Hen's a chicken.

  • Yeah, but like it's also really small.

  • It's kind of just like, why? And like I don't know you could just like see the whole thing on the plate. It's just, it's just weird.

  • You mean like a turkey on Thanksgiving? - Yeah, but like, you know, that's kind of like a tradition and it's bigger,

  • so you feel like it's a little different

  • Hey isn't Thanksgiving great right? Andrew you celebrate Thanksgiving with a duck, right?

  • What, what do you mean you don't like Asian girls? I didn't say I don't like them, I said I'm not into them.

  • Does that offend you? - No.

  • No. No, no, no. it's it's great. I'm so tired of being fetishized, you know. - I'll bet.

  • But like what is it, exactly, you're not into? - All right. Well, this is...

  • generalizing, of course, but I tend to be into taller girls and Asian girls tend to be short.

  • That, that, that, seems unfair to,

  • just write off all Asian women because of our height. - Not writing anyone off.

  • I just, look I tend to be into thicker girls, too, if you must know, and

  • Asian girls tend to be on the skinny side. - You know what? I'm sorry

  • I asked you are so superficial. - Oh, what about you? Do you rather date a tall guy or a short guy? - I'm open

  • Hmm. Yeah, and if you had a choice would

  • your guy be bald? - Maybe

  • Look you have physical preferences and that's okay. I have physical preferences. That's okay

  • It happens that my physical preferences don't align with your ethnic group. Is that so wrong?

  • It's not about the physical. It's about personality. Of course, of course it is, but there has to be some sort of

  • physical chemistry first, right? I mean

  • Aren't you glad I'm not fetishizing your Asian features

  • You seem a little defensive

  • given

  • You're butt-hurt. - Hee-alll

  • No, no way. No, you assume that since you're an attractive Asian girl, I would just be falling all over myself to hit on you.

  • You think I'm attractive.

  • You're too short from me. - You're too hairy. - You're too pale

  • You look like Ringu. - Says the white guy. - Go outside and get some Sun

  • Oh, really? So my skin can age ten times faster than yours. What what are you 57?

  • [random kiss]

  • Holy sh*t. - Yeah

  • Nothing.

  • Nothing. - I'm gonna go find some. - What do you mean, nothing?

  • What do you mean?

  • Melody. There was something, there was, there was something there was something there

  • Like born in the USA

  • Glory days

  • Secret garden. - I mean I know who he is and that he was huge. It's just I didn't really grow up listening to Springsteen.

  • I was like listening to

  • Peaches and Cream

  • I think this is my Uber.

  • So...

  • I'm not great at first dates or group dates or whatever this was but um,

  • I'd love to maybe try it again sometime?

  • Like just us, maybe.

  • Oh, um.

  • That went well, right? Oh shh shh shh.

  • Guys ready to go? - So, what'd you think of Sabrina? - Oh my god. Give it a rest

  • She was nice, but

  • we don't really have anything in common. So probably not gonna work out. - Come on man. Give her a chance.

  • Okay, what's going on? You've been acting so weird tonight.

  • Brett wants to set you up with Sabrina because he thinks if you date a white girl, it'll offset his supposed yellow fever

  • What?

  • That is,

  • Strangely thoughtful in a really twisted way, but I'm actually... - Stop it. I'm going home.

  • Let me know when you guys stop thinking of us as trading cards, ok?

  • Babe, you know I don't believe... Look, okay, we'll talk about this later bud, but I'll send you her LinkedIn, okay?

  • Andrew! - Who sang peaches and cream

  • 112

  • How do you - yes, 112: Slim, Q. Those other two guys

  • Mike and Daron.

  • Mike, Daron. Yeah see, this is why I like you. - Because I know the names of 90s R&B groups?

  • Yeah, I mean no. Yeah. Sorry my

  • sister kind of got into my head that I was only dating you because

  • Because what?

  • Because you're black, which is so not the case at all, right?

  • I mean it's because we like the same music and

  • you have a great sense of humor and we have deep conversations and you're great with kids and... - Andrew Andrew, slow down.

  • Why is this all of a sudden issue? - I guess

  • I've never dated someone who wasn't Asian, so I've never had to question my motives.

  • Well being black is important to me, and I do want you to care about me being black.

  • Yeah, I mean I don't want it to be the sole reason why we're together of course

  • But I do want you to care about what makes me who I am.

  • Same with me. - You know, this is a pretty heavy talk for a girl you only went on three dates with.

  • Well

  • Maybe I want it to be something more

  • Maybe I did too.

  • But,

  • The thing is I just [singing]

  • OoOo, I loved T-Pain.

  • I'm kidding. [laughing]

  • [More singing]

  • What's up everyone, thanks for checking out Yappie. We hope you're enjoying this series so far.

  • Be sure to come back next week for a brand new, free episode, right here on our channel, and share

  • it with a friend! And if you can't wait a week,

  • you can actually binge the rest of the show by purchasing it at the Vimeo links down below.

  • Whether you're supporting by directly buying the show

  • through a monthly membership on patreon, or just being subscribed and tuning in week to week,

  • We really appreciate you watching check out the Wong Fu store to get your exclusive

  • Yappie merch. It all goes back to supporting this channel, and we'll see you next week. Bye!

It's such a good time hanging out!

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A2 初級 美國腔

Yappie - Ep 4 - Homeostasis (穩態) (Yappie - Ep 4 - Homeostasis)

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    蕭心瑜 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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