中級 美國腔 23418 分類 收藏
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Our culture strongly inclines us to the view
that genuine love must involve complete acceptance of another person in their good and
especially in their somewhat bad sides.
In moments of fury with our partners, we may be tempted to dismiss their complaints against us, with the cry:
"Just love me as I am!"
but in truth none of us should want to remain
exactly as we are in love and therefore none of us should, too strongly,
want another person to love as opposed to tolerate or simply forgive what is warped within us.
Genuine love might be defined as gently and kindly helping someone to become the best version of themselves,
not accepting themselves precisely as they are.
It isn't a betrayal of love for someone to try to help us to evolve, to teach us, to become better people.
In fact, it may be the highest proof of genuine commitment.
Unfortunately, under the sway of a romantic ideology that makes us suspicious
of emotional education, most of us end up being terrible teachers and equally terrible students in relationships.
We don't accept the legitimacy,
let alone the nobility of others desire to teach us and we can't acknowledge areas, where
we might need to be taught. We rebel against the very structure of a lover's education
that would enable criticism to be molded into sensible sounding lessons and to be heard as
caring attempts to reject the more troublesome aspects of our personalities.
At the first sign that the other person is adopting a "teacherly" tone, we tend to
assume that we're being attacked and betrayed and therefore
we close our ears to the instruction reacting with sarcasm and aggression to the teacher.
Our stance is deeply understandable. To the mother everything
about her tiny infant is delightful. They wouldn't change even the smallest thing; their baby
is perfect just as it is.
Our idea of love has taken this kind of attitude very much to heart.
It's what we grow up thinking that love is supposed to be like.
The suggestion that another person could
want us to change, grow or improve is taken as an insult to love.
The problem is, the mother never in fact loved us just as we were. She hoped
we would keep growing up. And the need to keep growing up is still there.
Our bodies may be fully formed but our psyches always have some growing up still to do.
We should never hold it against our lovers if they don't love us just as we are.
They're doing something far more generous — wanting us to be a little better.
If you want to learn more about love, try our book on how to find love, which explains why
we have the types we do, and how our early experiences give us scripts of how, and whom we love.
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為什麼不能愛我最真實的樣子?(Love Me for Who I Really Am)

23418 分類 收藏
Evangeline 發佈於 2018 年 9 月 3 日

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你一定聽過珍.奧斯丁的《傲慢與偏見》,但你知道這部小說的男女主角最一開始其實互看不順眼嗎?然而他們藉著教導彼此,漸漸改善了自身,最終成為一對人人稱羨的佳偶。你或許會納悶,為什麼他們不能愛彼此最初的樣子呢?為什麼要改變彼此呢?這樣的愛究竟是不是愛?跟著小 V 看這支影片,探討這些議題吧!

1end up1:19
end up 的意思是「最後發生了什麼事、最後變成怎樣、以 …… 的狀態告終」,後面可以接一個動作 (V-ing) 或是一個地點。
The general ended up losing devastatingly, because he underestimated his enemies.
這位將軍因為低估了敵方,最終慘敗。

Amy stole a gem from the store and ended up in jail.
Amy 從店裡偷了一顆寶石,最後坐牢了。


*同場加映:
沒做過這些事,別說你來過首爾! (50 Things to do in Seoul, Korea Travel Guide)


2let alone1:29
片語 let alone 的意思是「遑論、更不用說、更何況」,後頭接原形動詞,用於接在否定句子後面補充;類似的片語還有 not to mention 和 not to speak of ,這兩個後頭則是要接名詞或是動名詞哦!
The baby still can't walk, let alone run.
這個寶寶都還不會走路,更不用說跑了。

The patient is too weak to drink, not to mention eating.
病人虛弱到無法喝水,更別提進食。


*同場加映:
十分鐘讀懂英文史 (The History of English in 10 Minutes)


3psyche2:56
psyche 一詞源自於希臘語,意思是「心靈、精神、心態」,由它延伸出來的字首 psycho- 亦有和精神相關的意思,常見的字有:psychology (心理學) 、psychologist (心理學家) 和 psychopath (精神病患者)。
Once you enter this enchanted forest, it is hard to hold onto your psyche.
一旦你進到這座被施了咒的森林,你就會很難堅持住你的心靈。

Doc. Lin is the most prestigious person in the field of psychology.
林醫師是在心理學領域最具聲望的人。


*同場加映:
處理被拒絕的問題 (Dealing With Rejection)


4generous3:10
generous 意指「慷慨的、大方的、大量的」,同義詞有:bighearted 、 unselfish 和 munificent ;一個相關的片語為 be generous with sth. ,意思是「在 …… 方面很大方」,如 be generous with money 就是指「用錢大方」。
This orphanage is established by a generous benefactor.
這間孤兒院是由一位慷慨的捐助者所建。

Thanks to her uncle's generous support, Mary is able to accomplish her dream of studying abroad.
多虧她叔叔的慷慨協助,Mary 得以一圓出國讀書的美夢。


*同場加映:
IKEA 小空間大利用 (Small Spaces - Small ideas)


小 V 認為,這支影片中教導的道理不止適用於伴侶之間,其實也適用於朋友之間。一段關係的價值在於幫助彼此成為最好的自己,並且一路上不離不棄,這才是最難能可貴的!

文/ April Lu

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