*DRAMATIC MUSIC*

*戲劇性的音樂*

OHHHHHHOOOHHHHHHHOOOO

OHHHHHHOOOHHHHHHHOOOO

Have you been cheating on me?!

你有對我劈腿嗎？

Huffington Post what have you been DOUGHING?!

赫芬頓郵報你在衝啥米？

What is this?!

這是什麼？！

I wanna see how much you've cheated on me.

我想看看你有多少對我不忠。

NO

沒有

Huffington Post how could you do this?!

赫芬頓郵報你怎麼可以這樣對我？

I wanna read it

我想看看

I trusted you, dammit

我信任你，該死

Pewds: Am I sweating? Marzia: Oh my god!

Pewds：我是不是出汗？馬爾斯：噢，我的天啊！

I-I feel like I'm sweating a little bit

II覺得我出了一點點汗

*DING*

* *叮

*Marzia reads on screen*

馬爾斯*讀取屏幕上*

What is "bantering"?

什麼是“開玩笑”？

*...*

* ... *

You don't really reach out to girls for advice

你其實不太向女生尋求的意見

YEAHHH!

YEAHHH！

You hear that?!!

你聽到了嗎？！

We are good here

目前我們是安全的

I don't reach out to women

我不主動跟女生聯絡

Okay so I'm fine for now?

好了，所以我目前是安全的？

Yeah

是啊

P: whew! M:Wait there is 33 right?

P:呼！ M：等等，有33項對吧？

Just 32 more to go

只剩32項要看了

*DING*

* *叮

*Pewds reads on screen*

* Pewds讀取屏幕上*

Yeah - no you never give a tip to anyone so

是啊 - 不，你從來不會給給任何人小費，所以...

THAT'S RIGHT I NEVER GIVE A TIP TO ANYONE

沒錯！我從來不給任何人小費

Waddup

怎樣!!!!!

Let's see Melanie what you got next

放馬過來吧 梅蘭妮下一條是什麼

P: Is that who wrote it or..? M: It says Melanie

病人：那是指誰寫的嗎？還是......？瑪：他說是梅蘭妮寫的

Oh, Melanie Berliet

哦，梅蘭妮貝利埃

I think the real title of this should really just be -

我認為這篇真正的標題確實應該要是 -

33 Ways ..

33 ..種方法

I am ...

表達我是 ...

M : Insecure? P : Insecure

Ｍ：沒安全感？ P：沒安全感

About my boyfriend

對於我的男朋友

And totally getting away with it...

，完全不被發現...

M : Hmmm ...

L：嗯...

*DING*

* *叮

*Marzia reads on screen*

馬爾斯*讀取屏幕上*

*Hufft ...*

* Hufft ... *

I mean, I only know that you follow Taylor Swift...

我的意思是，我只知道你追蹤泰勒·斯威夫特...

I .. I unfollowed her.

我..我取消關注她了。

YEAH! I PASSED!

YEAH！我通過了！

Oh yeah, I remember when they hacked her and it came out that you guys were texting.

哦對了，我記得當他們駭她帳號，就發現，你們在傳訊息。

On twitter

在推特上

And then you were like "Marzia have to tell you, that I've been -

然後你就傳類似“馬爾斯要告訴你，我一直 -

NUMBA FOUR!

第四！

*Dramatic Music*

*戲劇性的音樂*

*Pewds reads on screen*

* Pewds讀取屏幕上*

Oh yeah, but like, does any of these guy do it...

哦，是的，但，真的有男生會這樣做嗎...？

like, that's just weird

就是，這樣很奇怪

P : Who are you dating Melanie? M : Yeah, exactly. That's the real question here...

Ｐ：妳到底在跟誰交往梅蘭妮？ Ｍ：對，沒錯。這才是這裡真正的問題...

*DING*

* *叮

P : Wait, this one is good...

Ｐ：等一下，這個不錯...

*Pewds reads on screen*

* Pewds讀取屏幕上*

Oh, so if you name someone their, not their name

哦，所以如果你通訊錄的名字，不是用他們真正的名字

M: Yeah

Ｍ：對

P: You are using code.

Ｐ：你用的是代號。

P: To make sure that they don't find out about it. M: So wait-

Ｐ：為了確保他們沒有發現。Ｍ：那等等-

So for example, if you had Taylor Swift as a private contact

所以例如說，你有泰勒·斯威夫特的電話

*Pewds cuts off Marzia* And I her as Tay Sway

* Pewds切斷·馬爾斯*然後我稱她為泰勒·斯威

That would be a code

這就是一個代號

Wow...

哇...

You should have really been worried if I did that

如果我這樣做，你真的應該要擔心

Oh yeah, for sure...

哦，是的，肯定的...

omg just let me double check on that

OMG只是讓我上再檢查一次

*DING*

* *叮

*Marzia reads on screen*

馬爾斯*讀取屏幕上*

This is such subtle things! WHO GIVES A SHIT?!

這是多麼微小的東西！誰在乎？

I mean I haven't done it, but who cares?!

我的意思是說 我沒有做過，但誰在乎呢？

WHO THE HELL CARES?!

到底誰在乎？

*DING*

* *叮

*Pewds reads on screen*

* Pewds讀取屏幕上*

*Cringe in it's final form*

*畏縮在它的最終形式*

*DING*

* *叮

*Marzia reads on screen*

馬爾斯*讀取屏幕上*

Oh no...

不好了...

What does that mean?!

這意味著什麼？！

It's if like, you know, when you ate too much hot sauce...

這就像，你知道，你吃太多辣椒醬那次......

And you can home and you were worried that I was gonna get mad?

然後當你回家，你擔心我會生你的氣？

Oh yeah, you, I was so scared. It was half of the pain in my body.

噢，對，我那時很害怕。那大概佔我那時身體裡一半的痛苦。

*Marzia Laughs*

馬爾斯* *笑

So maybe if you went to another girl an be like "What can I do?!"

所以如果你去找了另一個女孩問她說“我能做些什麼？！”

To feel better, instead of asking me.

“才能讓我覺得好一些”，而不是問我。

You know Melanie *thud* you're damn right about that one

你知道梅蘭妮*碰*這點你真是該死的對了

You get that one. You should confide in your girlfriend.

關於這點你有得分。你應該對你的女朋友傾訴。

Yeah

是啊

Jump high-five? *slapping noise*

跳躍擊掌？ *撞擊聲音*

*Marzia laughs*

*馬爾斯笑*

nailed it, okay great

完美，好，好

*DING*

* *叮

*Pewds reads on screen*

* Pewds讀取屏幕上*

WHAT?!

什麼？！

First of all, how do you come up with 33? It's so many things.

首先，你怎麼可以想出33項？這樣也太多東西。

How do you think of all these things?

你怎麼看想到這些的？

She must be really holding a grudge on someone, like thinking...

她一定心懷怨恨在寫這些，就像想著......

yeah

對啊

"MY EX-BOYFRIEND DID THIS!"

“我的前男友做了這點！”

yeah

是啊

"HE DID THAT, AS WELL!"

“他也做了這點！”

*ominous music* And she just writing them and mailing these to him.

*不祥的音樂*，然後她就把這些寫下來然後寄給他們。

If it was like a friend of ours, like, if it's Emma or Sophie

如果是像我們共同的朋友，像艾瑪或蘇菲

And you say something nice to them. Really, cool.

然後你稱讚他們一些好聽的話。其實真的沒什麼。

But, I think its just strange if its someone you haven't met...

但是如果你是對素未謀面的人說，我會覺得很怪異

M: And you say that to someone P: I'm guilty

Ｍ：你說給別人Ｐ：我有罪

*muffled* spank me spank me.

* *悶哼**打我屁屁 打我屁屁。

NO! nononono! *spanking noise* ah! ow!

沒有！不不不不！ *打屁股噪音*啊！嗷嗷！

That's on my tail!

這是我的尾椎！

*DING*

* *叮

*Pewds reads on screen*

* Pewds讀取屏幕上*

Ooo that's bad

噢噢這個很糟糕

I get that one

我懂這一個

Oh, Melanie you got a point over here

哦，梅蘭妮你這一點有道理喔

yeah

是啊

I find it really annoying when people do this.

當人們這樣做的時候 我發現我覺得很煩人。

P: Like, dude, your not fooling anyone. I know, I know what you're doing.

Ｐ：就像說，哥們，你騙不了任何人。我知道，我知道你在做什麼。

M: uh huh

Ｍ：嗯，

P: I know what your doing here and let me tell you.

Ｐ：我知道你在這想做什麼，而且讓我來告訴你。

Even if you were single, no one wants your ugly ass.

即使你是單身，沒有人會想要你醜陋的屁股。

M: wow alright

Ｍ：哇 好

*DING*

* *叮

*Marzia reads on screen*

馬爾斯*讀取屏幕上*

M: Co...cohabi...bi...t..P: COHABITING

L：...同.. ㄐ.ㄩ...P：同居

It's not that serious

這段感情沒有這麼認真

That's what I say to my parents... when we....

我就是這麼對我的父母說......當我們....

Do your parents ask about us?

你的父母會過問我們的事嗎？

Yeah, I was like "Nah, we're not that serious,"

會啊，我就說 “不，我們沒有那麼認真，”

*Marzia laughs* - We've only been together for like 5...

*笑馬爾斯* - 我們只在一起像5 ...

P: 6 years, 5-6 years

Ｐ：6年，5 - 6年

M: yeah

Ｍ：對

"It's just a little thing we got going."

“這只是我們之間正在進行的一件小事。”

*DING*

* *叮

*Pewds reads on screen*

* Pewds讀取屏幕上*

*INTENSE MUSIC* OHHHH! NO!

*激烈的音樂*噢！不！

UGH!

啊！

Why was that a bad thing?

為什麼這是一件壞事？

OHMahGOD!

偶的天！

Why is that a bad thing?

這是為什麼是一件壞事？

NO!

沒有！

Have you ever texted anyone "good morning" Marzia?

你有沒有發給任何人“早安”的訊息馬爾斯？

Why is that...

這為什麼...

Have you ever texted any one "good morning"?

你有沒有發給任何人“早安”的訊息？

I'm afraid I have...

我可能有...

P:NOO! *Marzia laughs*

Ｐ：NOO！ *馬爾斯笑*

I'm sorry. I'm cheating on you...

對不起。反而是我對你劈腿...

UGHHHHHH!

UGHHHHHH！

What the hell, you're, really, you're reaching for it now.

到底是怎樣，你，真的，你現在是在瞎掰了。

Like...

到底...

What's wrong about "good morning"?

說“早安”到底錯在哪裡？

Sometimes you know, I just wanna write, maybe...

有時候，你知道的，我只想寫給，也許...

Like Nicole or my friends in Italy that I don't get to see that often.

就像妮可或是我在意大利的朋友們， 那些我不能經常見到面的。

M: That's how you start a conversation. P:Yeah

Ｍ：這就是開啟對話的方法。 P：對啊

M: yeh

Ｍ：對吧

disgusting

噁心

*DING*

* *叮

*Marzia reading text*

馬爾斯*閱讀文本*

So like if you send a picture (P: WoaH!) of your ex-girlfriend?

所以，就像如果你傳一張（P：哇！）你跟你前女友在一起時的照片？

P: Woah! Woah! Nonono

Ｐ：哇！哇！不不不

M:Woahwoah wha?

Ｍ：哇哇什麼？

P: *heavily* HUH

P：*重* 哼

M: What are you reading?

L：你在看什麼？

M: Unnecessarily!!

Ｍ：不必要的！

P: OHHH MYGODD!

警：OHHH MYGODD！

M: so basically-

M：所以基本上來說-

P: HAVE YOU EVER DONE THAT MARziaa..

警：你有沒有做過這一點MARziaa ..

I would Never sink that Low

我永遠不會沈淪至此

M: I'm sorry...

Ｍ：我很抱歉......

I would, NEVER

我永遠不會！

say nice to meet you

說很“高興認識你”

to ANYONE

對任何人

M: so you're just

M：所以你就只是

P: ANYONE!! *distorted audio*

Ｐ：任何人！ *失真音頻*

DisGUSTING!

噁心！

P: WHEW...

Ｐ病人：嗯...

M: But like this girl is basically saying that

Ｍ：所以這個女孩基本上是在說，

this boyfriend has to be rude to every, girl, out there.

在交際的時候，男朋友必須粗魯的對待每一個女孩。

right?

對吧？

M: So she can feel e- P: I can agree

Ｍ：讓她能感覺到..-P：我可以同意

P: You know. I don't want to completely bash

P：你知道嗎？我不想完全否定

Good old,

這位，

Melanie

梅蘭妮

Berliet

貝利埃

But I..I can- I can agree with some of them...

但..我可以 - 我可以同意其中的一些...

If you make a list with thirty-THREE

如果你列了一張清單，裡面有33項

M: Mmm.

Ｍ：嗯。

P: You got plenty alright,

Ｐ：你有很多點了對吧？

just cut some of them out M: yeah

就刪減他們中的一些出來吧 Ｍ：對啊

M: Take the top ten.

Ｍ：取前十名。

P: How about Top Ten yeah just go for

Ｐ：10點如何呢？對啊就只要10點

top ten next time M: yeahh...

下次10點就好 M：對啊 ...

*Ding*

* *叮

P: Going out of his way to do something nice for someone who's not his girlfriend.

Ｐ：用自己的方式去對不是自己的女朋友好。

You- So basi- you can, you can not have...

你 - 所以基本上你是說-你不，你不能有...

any...Friends, M: yeah. Basically, yeah

任何...好友， M：是的。基本上，是的

P: From the other gender. (M: yeah yeah yeah) At all.

病人：是另一個性別的。 任何。（M：對啊 對啊）

P: You're not, that's not- allowed.

Ｐ：你是不被，你是不被允許的。

Just treat all women bad... M: yeah exactly

對所有女生的態度要惡劣 Ｍ：對啊 這裡就是這樣說

*Pewds laughs

* Pewds笑

M: And it's coming, from a woman.

Ｍ：而且他是被一個女生寫出來的。

P: And put me...

Ｐ：然後把自己...

M: It's kinda ridiculous but...

Ｍ：這是有點荒謬，但...

P: Put me on the throne... and kiss my ass

Ｐ：把自己放到寶座上......然後拍我馬屁

M: yeah

Ｍ：對

I do agree with 17 though.

但我是同意17點的。

*Marzia reading text*

馬爾斯*閱讀文本*

P: That's just a bit weird, yeah.

Ｐ：這就是有點怪異，是的。

M: If you were like..

Ｍ：如果你是..

P: What does that m- if you tell someone (M: To a girl)

Ｐ：這是什麼意... -如果你告訴別人（M：對一個女孩）

that... M: "I'm thinking about you"

說... Ｍ：“我在想你”

P: Yeah...

Ｐ：是啊...

M: That's, not-

Ｍ：這樣是不可─

P: Yeah... That's kind of

Ｐ：對啊...這樣感覺

M: I do agree with that one

Ｍ：這點我倒是同意

So we got 2 that- *inaudible*

所以我們認同了2個 *聽不到*

P: So that's, that's Micro Cheating!

Ｐ：所以，這，這是微劈腿！

OHH!!

喔！

2017 micro cheating

2017年微劈腿

M: *mumbling* I don't really see 'micro cheating'

Ｍ：* *喃喃自語**我實在看不出來這哪裡“微劈腿”

P: Micro. *Marzia laughs*

Ｐ：微。 *馬爾斯笑*

If you get at least ten...

如果你至少中了10...

Ten of- ten of these

10... 這其中的10個

P: You are- M: It turns into cheating

Ｐ：你就在 - Ｍ：這就確定他劈腿

P: It turns into cheating M: Mmm

Ｐ：這就確定他劈腿 Ｍ：嗯

M: Alright, that's why she needed a longer list

Ｍ：好吧，這就是為什麼她需要一個比較長的列表

P: That's why she needed- *both laughing*

Ｐ：這就是為什麼她需要 *兩個人都笑*

*Ding*

* *叮

P: Establishing secret code words and, slash or inside jokes with women outside of hi-... the RelationSHIP

Ｐ：跟交往對象以外的人 建立秘密的代號 或是內梗

M: but that's- can just be like a-

Ｍ：但是...但那可能只是-

P: hOW DARE YOU!

警：你竟敢！

Have jokes, with other women!

跟其他女生，有說有笑！

M: Yeah

Ｍ：對

P: You having inside jokes, without me?

Ｐ：你跟其他人有內梗，排除我？

P: Huh?

Ｐ：哼？

But with Emma

但是是跟艾瑪

*Pewds gasps*

* Pewds喘氣*

She's cheating on me with another woman

她背著我跟別的女人劈腿

M: Yeah.

Ｍ：對。

*Pewds makes a rough noise*

* Pewds做一個粗魯的噪音*

P: Who is this. (M: Definitely.) Who IS THIS EMMA.

Ｐ：這是誰。（M：肯定），這個EMMA到底是誰。

*Pewds gasps*

* Pewds喘氣*

You know who (P: Em-) Emma is? *giggles*

你明明就知道誰是艾瑪（P：EM-） *笑聲*

P: Em. Mah

Ｐ：艾。瑪

M: You're afraid

M：你是在害怕

P: Eh- M:That I will run off with her (Oooh...MarziEmma)

Ｐ：艾..ㄇ Ｍ：我會跟他跑嗎？（哦... MarziEmma）

Is it Emma...

是艾瑪......

Pickles?

皮可嗎？

M: Yeah~

Ｍ：對〜

*suspenseful music*

*懸念音樂*

M: She looks, Goooooood.

Ｍ：她看起來，棒～～～呆了。

That's Micro Cheating!

這就是微劈腿！

Eh- Yeah~

恩-對呀〜

P: Yeah no have fun with this.

P：好吧 不是 希望你跟這個開心。

M: Hey!

M：你！

*Pewds laughs*

* Pewds笑*

M: That's my dream, alright?

瑪：那是我的夢想，好嗎？

Wait that's my tears!

等等 這是我的眼淚！

What are you doing?

你在做什麼？

Salty....

鹹鹹的....

*both laugh*

*兩個人笑*

*calm music* P: I had never- I would never micro cheat at you Marzia

*平靜的音樂* P：我永遠-我永遠都不會為劈腿你的馬爾斯

Yeah.

是啊。

*Pewds sighs*

* Pewds嘆息*

Well,

好，

I gotta say, ah... I think,

我得說，啊......我想，

But that's how you know, right?

但是，這就是你怎麼知道的，對吧？

This trust...*inaudible*

這種信任... *聽不見*

Pffftttttttt......

Pffftttttttt ......

M: So cheesy

Ｍ：很俗氣

*Marzia laughs* P: I was jus about to say

*馬爾斯笑* P：我正要這麼說

that I don't *inaudible*...

說我不 **聽不見* * ...

I don't know. I think...with other girls

我不知道。我想......對於其他女孩

Ahah I, you know...w- I've been with other... *Marzia laughs*

哈哈 我，你知道... -我已經與其他... *馬爾斯笑*