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  • First dates are very exciting

  • But also stressful for everyone involved for guys for girls and for any nosy

  • bystanders who can't mind their own business and as one of those people I wanted to create

  • this as a bit of a primer for first dates

  • whether you've never been on a date before and want to know what to expect

  • or if you're a veteran of the dating scene and just want to figure out what's wrong with you.

  • So of course before you even go on a first date,

  • you have to ask someone out, and there's a million ways to do that

  • In person, over the Internet...

  • That's pretty much it really.

  • But you either get a yes, or a no

  • and it's as simple as that.

  • And the good news is that if you do get a yes

  • you're already ahead of the game because the other person is saying they like you

  • or the very least you're passively better than a vacant time slot.

  • Now the first consideration is of course where you're going to go

  • and what you're going to do. And in my opinion

  • you should really choose a date activity that reflects

  • how well you know the other person.

  • Like if you met by limp-wristedly flicking your index finger across a cracked iPhone,

  • then there's nothing wrong with ice cream and a walk in the park

  • because we all know you're there to see how they eat soft serve.

  • On the other hand, if you've been platonic friends for five years,

  • hoping your next haircut is the one that will tip them over the edge

  • ya better have a lot of alcohol planned because your current personality just isn't cutting it

  • So the most classic date idea is of course dinner and a movie,

  • but unless you interpret that with multiple layers of euphemism

  • it's a bit cliche for a first date and a bit too reminiscent of its old-school origin

  • which is getting married before you're 22,

  • raising a family and making God proud

  • which just isn't up to date with today's poor and sinful youth.

  • I think your best bet is going with coffee drinks or a quick bite to eat

  • but it doesn't hurt to eventually try to expand your repertoire.

  • I think it's a really smart idea to come up with fun activities you can do together

  • so you can focus on doing the activity instead of worrying about what to say.

  • A few of my favorites include

  • drunk paint night

  • drunk baking

  • drunk Lego

  • and drunk stand-up comedy.

  • The common element being, of course,

  • they're all things I do when I'm alone.

  • Now that brings us to the real nitty gritty of a first date,

  • which is how you're supposed to act

  • and you might have heard the old classic turn of phrase:

  • "Just be Yourself"

  • And this is a terrible idea for a multiplicity of reasons

  • but what I think it really means and should be said more explicitly is that

  • you shouldn't pretend to be something that you're not.

  • So they're like

  • "Oh what do you do in your spare time?"

  • and you like to play video games then say

  • "I like to play video games."

  • Don't make shit up to try to sound cool and besides,

  • How you talk about something is way more important than what you're talking about.

  • Even if you're into something like coin collecting you could be like

  • "I like coin collecting.

  • Did you know that just by holding one in my hand,

  • I can tell you the year that any

  • 10-cent coin was produced?"

  • And when they say,

  • "Wow, really? Why only ten cent coins?"

  • You can say,

  • "Because I only date dimes." (get it?)

  • *awkward pause*

  • And then you show them your YouTube channel.

  • The old one-two, works every time

  • Now, unrelated, at a certain point you reach a difficult moment

  • which is figuring out if the date is going well

  • and girls and guys have their own distinct problems in this department

  • If I'm asking girls about their

  • experiences on dates the most common thing that seems to happen is thinking either

  • "Wow why isn't he making a move"

  • or "Oh shit he thinks this is a date."

  • On the flip side the most common thing for guys to think is

  • "I don't have a clue what's going on."

  • which actually explains just about everything

  • So if you do find yourself confused in the moment you just have to triangulate those perspectives and

  • Sigmund Freud yourself deep in their psyche to figure it out

  • and that doesn't work you can say you like them, and see what see what happens

  • So, very presumptuously assuming the date went well wherever you are

  • it's time to settle up the bill and leave.

  • Now today's day and age guys are often confused as to whether or not

  • they should be paying or splitting the bill or what

  • And really the only person I know who said

  • "Well, um he was great, but didn't pay for dinner so that's a no."

  • is my mum so don't make a joke about that unless you pay for her meal

  • Sorry, Jan you asked for this.

  • But don't worry too much about it

  • If you're the one who asks them out, offer to pay, they might offer to split and then it'll be awkward for a few sentences

  • But you guys will figure it out

  • Now this is really the part where it gets interesting

  • because after you walked in most proximal waypoint between both of your houses

  • you're gonna stand there for about five seconds, glance down at your feet for a second and say

  • "Umm...yeah. So...uhh"

  • And then you have to talk about your feelings.

  • So what do you do? Do you set up a second date?

  • Do you go for a kiss?

  • Do you invite them to your place?

  • Do you walk them home?

  • Or do you kind of sit on the curb, talk for two hours,

  • then go home because you're both too scared to be emotionally vulnerable

  • I think at the very least you should leave saying you had fun and want to get together again

  • or get out of there and let them down softly with the text

  • pretending it's you when it's really them.

  • Now, I know what you're all thinking

  • "Casually Explained, what do you think of people hooking up on a first date?"

  • And as long as you're not my neighbor and are both down with it, I couldn't care less.

  • Nowadays it seems like everyone is having sex before holding hands anyway,

  • Though that said while I'm not judging you for busting out the strap-on from day one

  • God certainly is.

  • So you know

  • Light a candle.

  • Don't d-don't call him daddy.

  • Call them father.

  • Don't finish with hallelujah finish with a condom just the obvious really you'll, you'll be fine

First dates are very exciting

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A2 初級 美國腔

隨便解釋一下。第一次約會 (Casually Explained: First Dates)

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    蘇冠綸 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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