There is a lot of dating advice out there that doesn't make sense to me.
Always make sure you're the one to text him less.
So if he sends you two texts you send him one.
And if he sends you one text you send him one word answers.
If he's getting distant then you just tell him that he's being clingy and that you need space.
You just always have to reverse psychology them.
Here's a series of books of canned responses for every possible scenario organized alphabetically by topic of discussion.
Thank you.. Yeah
I will... um.. get right on that.
There's articles and books and movies and blogs and videos all based purely on the concept that there is a right way to date someone.
That there is a correct combination of texts and words and behaviours that will make somebody fall in love with you without you losing your power.
I think this is bullshit.
And I mean don't get me wrong . I'll admit when I was fifteen I would read Cosmopolitan and Seventeen magazine and follow their advice to a "T."
He's gonna call me now. He's gonna call me now. He's gonna call me now.
Now. Now. He's gonna call me now. He's... *gasps*
Hey Michael! I'm so sorry. I was just in the shower... All naked and stuff.
What's up chicken butt?
But I realized that all of this advice is based on the flawed premise that love is a game and people are prizes to be won.
And when I would follow these rules and inevitably get to know a person better and become emotionally invested in them.
I would realize way too late. Wait! We're not actually compatible.
Yeah so I just like walked out.
Wait... You just left without paying?
Look if they're not going to give me the bill on time then I'm just gonna go.
I remember when I was in like my late teens, early twenties I had like this really long conversation with my grandma where I was just like confused and angry about love and marriage and dating and I just felt like there were so many rules you had to follow
And I had so much anxiety about doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing.
And she was like "Anna Kay. The only dating advice you will ever need is to just be yourself."
Because that way if someone falls in love with you, they're falling in love with you.
And not this idea that you've presented.
It's a lot of work to maintain an idea over a long period of time.
It's quite easy to keep being yourself.
And her advice, though very simple, and straightforward and seemingly obvious really stuck with me.
As like a no bullshit way to see who's weirdness vibes with your weirdness.
Because if you're the kind of person who says whatever is on their mind.
No matter how inappropriate or dark.
Your date's gonna either laugh and like it or they're gonna think that it's awkward and never call you again.
But either way, you didn't hold back an aspect of your personality that you otherwise might've suppressed for some time.
I think it's much better to just be upfront with who you are and what the other person is signing up for.
And if they like it - great!
And if they don't - cool! Move on and find somebody else.
And when you finally do they'll like you for you.
Instead of this carefully curated construct that you've spent so much time building for them.
I'm Anna Akana. Stay right here for a sponsored message.
Thank you to SquareSpace for sponsoring today's episode!
Squarespace has beautiful award winning templates.
And an all in one platform so there is no installs, patches or upgrades ever.
They have 24 hour customer service and if you're looking for a domain, they have a simple and unique setup experience.
You can make any kind of website on Squarespace.
Whether you're an artist, a photographer or just a lover.
Go to squarespace.com to start your free trial today.
And use the offer code ANNA for 10% off at checkout.