I'm the last generation to grow up completely

without

Internet pornography.

No? I'm one of the – I'm like the

Last of the Mohicans,

y'know?

Like, I hit puberty,

like, just hormones happened,

and it told me that I wanted something

and I had no idea

what it looked like.

What I did is, uh,

out of sheer ingenuity,

I made my own naked lady pornography.

And what I did

is I bought some tracing paper.

Now, if you're under 25 and you don't know what tracing paper is,

before computers

when we wanted a copy of something,

we bought a very thin sheet of paper

and then we placed it over the thing that we wanted a copy of

and then we traced over it.

And then, we had something that looked

completely different.

And that was helpful.

Bought this tracing paper.

Ran upstairs to my bedroom.

Closed the door.

Locked it.

Opened up my Spider-Man comic book, found the largest picture

of Mary Jane, Spider-Man's girlfriend.

Traced her beautiful body

that was drawn by some

horny, sex-deprived artist.

And then I didn't

fill in any clothes.

And then I filled in the middle out of

sheer rumour and hearsay.

I drew in nipples all over the goddamn place.

I put in pubic hair way too wide, way too high.

I'm sure of it.

And that's it!

I didn't do anything weird.

I didn't know you could do anything weird.

I just looked at it,

and knew I loved it.