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  • It was April, last year.

    譯者: Debra Liu 審譯者: SF Huang

  • I was on an evening out with friends

    去年四月,

  • to celebrate one of their birthdays.

    晚上我和幾個朋友出去聚餐,

  • We hadn't been all together for a couple of weeks;

    幫其中的一位友人慶生。

  • it was a perfect evening, as we were all reunited.

    我們好幾個禮拜沒聚在一起了;

  • At the end of the evening,

    我們度過了一個美好的夜晚。

  • I caught the last underground train back to the other side of London.

    結束之後,

  • The journey was smooth.

    我搭乘末班地鐵回到倫敦的另一頭。

  • I got back to my local station

    一路上很平順。

  • and I began the 10-minute walk home.

    我抵達我家附近的地鐵站,

  • As I turned the corner onto my street,

    並照例走 10 分鐘的路回家。

  • my house in sight up ahead,

    轉過街角

  • I heard footsteps behind me

    就能看見我家。

  • that seemed to have approached out of nowhere

    我聽見背後有腳步聲,

  • and were picking up pace.

    不知道是從那裡冒出來的。

  • Before I had time to process what was happening,

    腳步聲愈來愈急促,

  • a hand was clapped around my mouth so that I could not breathe,

    我還來不及反應,

  • and the young man behind me dragged me to the ground,

    一隻手已經摀住我的嘴巴, 令我不能呼吸。

  • beat my head repeatedly against the pavement

    身後的年輕男子將我硬拽在地,

  • until my face began to bleed,

    不停地將我的頭往地面撞,

  • kicking me in the back and neck

    直到我的臉開始流血,

  • while he began to assault me,

    他用腳踢我的背和脖子

  • ripping off my clothes and telling me to "shut up,"

    開始對我性侵,

  • as I struggled to cry for help.

    他撕開我的衣服並叫我閉嘴,

  • With each smack of my head to the concrete ground,

    當時我掙扎奮力地呼救。

  • a question echoed through my mind that still haunts me today:

    每當我的頭被撞向水泥地時,

  • "Is this going to be how it all ends?"

    心中便浮現一個 至今仍縈繞腦海的問題:

  • Little could I have realized, I'd been followed the whole way

    「我會就這樣死掉嗎?」

  • from the moment I left the station.

    我完全沒有察覺到, 從我一離開車站開始

  • And hours later,

    那個人就一路尾隨著我了。

  • I was standing topless and barelegged in front of the police,

    幾個小時之後,

  • having the cuts and bruises on my naked body photographed

    我站在警察面前 袒露著上半身、赤裸著腿,

  • for forensic evidence.

    身上的傷口、瘀腫都被拍照存證,

  • Now, there are few words to describe the all-consuming feelings

    作為法醫鑑識的證據。

  • of vulnerability, shame, upset and injustice that I was ridden with

    我沒有辦法形容當時心裡滿溢的

  • in that moment and for the weeks to come.

    脆弱、羞恥、憤惱和不公不義的感覺,

  • But wanting to find a way to condense these feelings

    接下來的數週亦是。

  • into something ordered that I could work through,

    但我想找到能把這些百感交集的情緒

  • I decided to do what felt most natural to me:

    彙整成我能處理、克服的方式,

  • I wrote about it.

    於是我選擇了我最擅長的事:

  • It started out as a cathartic exercise.

    我把它寫下來。

  • I wrote a letter to my assaulter,

    我一開始將之視為宣洩的管道。

  • humanizing him as "you,"

    我寫信給加害人,

  • to identify him as part of the very community

    並以「你」稱呼他,

  • that he had so violently abused that night.

    把他當成是其所施暴的

  • Stressing the tidal-wave effect of his actions,

    社群團體中的一份子。

  • I wrote:

    為了強調他的行為所造成的 連鎖反應,

  • "Did you ever think of the people in your life?

    我寫道:

  • I don't know who the people in your life are.

    「你想過你身邊的人嗎?

  • I don't know anything about you.

    雖然我不認識任何你的親朋好友。

  • But I do know this:

    雖然我對你一無所知。

  • you did not just attack me that night.

    但我知道:

  • I'm a daughter, I'm a friend,

    你那晚攻擊的不只是『我』而已。

  • I'm a sister, I'm a pupil,

    我是別人的女兒、朋友,

  • I'm a cousin, I'm a niece,

    我是姊姊,我是學生,

  • I'm a neighbor;

    我是表姊、姪女,

  • I'm the employee who served everyone coffee

    我是鄰居。

  • in the café under the railway.

    我是在地鐵站的咖啡廳裡

  • And all the people who form these relations to me

    端咖啡的服務生。

  • make up my community.

    而所有這些跟我有聯結的人

  • And you assaulted every single one of them.

    組成了我的社群。

  • You violated the truth that I will never cease to fight for,

    你攻擊的是他們每一個人。

  • and which all of these people represent:

    你還侵犯了一項我誓死維護的,

  • that there are infinitely more good people in the world than bad."

    也是這群人所代表的一項真理:

  • But, determined not to let this one incident make me lose faith

    世界上,好人永遠比壞人多。」

  • in the solidarity in my community or humanity as a whole,

    但我決定不讓這次事件

  • I recalled the 7/7 terrorist bombings in July 2005 on London transport,

    讓我失去對整個社群與 人性的信念,

  • and how the mayor of London at the time, and indeed my own parents,

    我想起 2005 年的 倫敦七七爆炸案,

  • had insisted that we all get back on the tubes the next day,

    那時的倫敦市長,乃至於我的雙親,

  • so we wouldn't be defined or changed

    都堅持大家隔天要照常搭地鐵,

  • by those that had made us feel unsafe.

    如此一來,我們就不會 被那些令人恐慌的人、事、物

  • I told my attacker,

    所侷限或改變。

  • "You've carried out your attack,

    我告訴我的加害人,

  • but now I'm getting back on my tube.

    「你雖攻擊了我,

  • My community will not feel we are unsafe walking home after dark.

    但我還是會照常搭地鐵,

  • We will get on the last tubes home,

    我們會照常走夜路回家, 不會感覺到不安。

  • and we will walk up our streets alone,

    我們還是會搭末班車回家,

  • because we will not ingrain or submit to the idea

    我們還是會隻身走在街道上,

  • that we are putting ourselves in danger in doing so.

    因為我們不會讓 這樣做就會置自己於險境的想法,

  • We will continue to come together, like an army,

    深深植入腦中。

  • when any member of our community is threatened.

    當我們社群中有任何成員受到威脅,

  • And this is a fight you will not win."

    我們會團結一心,像支軍隊一樣,

  • At the time of writing this letter --

    這是一場你贏不了的戰爭。」

  • (Applause)

    當我寫這封信的時候,

  • Thank you.

    (掌聲)

  • (Applause)

    謝謝你們。

  • At the time of writing this letter,

    (掌聲)

  • I was studying for my exams in Oxford,

    當我寫這封信的時候,

  • and I was working on the local student paper there.

    我正在準備牛津的考試,

  • Despite being lucky enough to have friends and family supporting me,

    我也在當地一家學生日報工作。

  • it was an isolating time.

    儘管很慶幸有親朋好友的情義相挺,

  • I didn't know anyone who'd been through this before;

    但基本上那是段孤獨的時光。

  • at least I didn't think I did.

    我不認識任何有相同經歷的人,

  • I'd read news reports, statistics, and knew how common sexual assault was,

    至少我認為如此。

  • yet I couldn't actually name a single person

    我也看過報章雜誌、統計數據, 知道性侵是多麼地普遍,

  • that I'd heard speak out about an experience of this kind before.

    但我講不出任何一個我聽過的人名,

  • So in a somewhat spontaneous decision,

    曾公開講述這類的經歷。

  • I decided that I would publish my letter in the student paper,

    出於某個自發性的決定,

  • hoping to reach out to others in Oxford

    我將這封信投到學生日報上,

  • that might have had a similar experience and be feeling the same way.

    希望讓牛津其他有相同經歷

  • At the end of the letter,

    或感同身受的人看到。

  • I asked others to write in with their experiences

    在信的結尾,

  • under the hashtag, "#NotGuilty,"

    我呼籲其他人寫出他們的經歷,

  • to emphasize that survivors of assault could express themselves

    並標註「# 我本無罪 」 (#NotGuilty)

  • without feeling shame or guilt about what happened to them --

    讓那些受害者在不覺得有羞恥或 罪惡感的情況下,對其所經歷的事件

  • to show that we could all stand up to sexual assault.

    抒發自己的情緒。

  • What I never anticipated is that almost overnight,

    證明我們都能夠走出性侵的陰影。

  • this published letter would go viral.

    沒想到,一覺醒來,

  • Soon, we were receiving hundreds of stories

    這封信就像病毒般擴散。

  • from men and women across the world,

    很快,我們就收到來自世界各地

  • which we began to publish on a website I set up.

    上百位男女的故事,

  • And the hashtag became a campaign.

    我們開始將故事發表在 我建立的網站上。

  • There was an Australian mother in her 40s who described how on an evening out,

    而所標註的話題已成為一股風潮。

  • she was followed to the bathroom

    一位 40 多歲的澳洲媽媽說, 在一個外出的夜晚,

  • by a man who went to repeatedly grab her crotch.

    有人跟蹤她到廁所,

  • There was a man in the Netherlands

    那個男人不停地摩蹭她的胯下。

  • who described how he was date-raped on a visit to London

    有個荷蘭籍男性,

  • and wasn't taken seriously by anyone he reported his case to.

    說他去倫敦與人約會時遭對方強暴,

  • I had personal Facebook messages from people in India and South America,

    但沒有人把他的話當真。

  • saying, how can we bring the message of the campaign there?

    我收到來自印度和南美洲人 在臉書的私訊,

  • One of the first contributions we had was from a woman called Nikki,

    他們問道:要如何 把這個活動的訊息帶到當地?

  • who described growing up, being molested my her own father.

    我們收到的第一篇投稿, 是一位名叫妮琪的女士,

  • And I had friends open up to me

    述說她從小到大都被生父猥褻。

  • about experiences ranging from those that happened last week

    接著有更多朋友向我敞開心房,

  • to those that happened years ago, that I'd had no idea about.

    訴說著我所不知的 早已發生在他們身上的經歷,

  • And the more we started to receive these messages,

    從上周才發生 到好幾年前發生的都有。

  • the more we also started to receive messages of hope --

    收到越來越多這類的訊息,

  • people feeling empowered by this community of voices

    我們也開始燃起越來越多的希望,

  • standing up to sexual assault and victim-blaming.

    受害者被這社群的發聲所鼓舞,

  • One woman called Olivia,

    他們得以站出來面對性侵的傷痛, 和抵抗「責怪受害者」的現象。

  • after describing how she was attacked

    一位名為歐麗薇雅的女士,

  • by someone she had trusted and cared about for a long time,

    在描述自己

  • said, "I've read many of the stories posted here,

    被長期信賴與關心的人性侵後,

  • and I feel hopeful that if so many women can move forward,

    說道:「我在這裡看到很多故事,

  • then I can, too.

    見到這麼多女人都踏出這一步,

  • I've been inspired by many,

    我相信我也可以。

  • and I hope I can be as strong as them someday.

    我受到這當中很多人的啟發,

  • I'm sure I will."

    希望有朝一日也能像他們一樣堅強,

  • People around the world began tweeting under this hashtag,

    我相信會有這麼一天的。」

  • and the letter was republished and covered by the national press,

    世界各地的人開始在推文時 標記上「我本無罪」,

  • as well as being translated into several other languages worldwide.

    而全國性的報社也刊載了我的信件,

  • But something struck me about the media attention

    同時也被翻譯成多國語言。

  • that this letter was attracting.

    但我對媒體會對我的信

  • For something to be front-page news,

    這麼感興趣而大吃一驚。

  • given the word "news" itself,

    他們把信刊在頭版,

  • we can assume it must be something new or something surprising.

    鑒於「新」聞這個字本身的意義,

  • And yet sexual assault is not something new.

    我們理所當然地認為 它一定是很新或令人驚訝的事情。

  • Sexual assault, along with other kinds of injustices,

    但性侵已經不是新鮮事了。

  • is reported in the media all the time.

    性侵就跟其他不公平、 不公正的事件一樣,

  • But through the campaign,

    每天都出現在各種媒體上。

  • these injustices were framed as not just news stories,

    但透過這個運動,

  • they were firsthand experiences that had affected real people,

    性侵事件不僅只是個新聞事件,

  • who were creating, with the solidarity of others,

    而是影響當事人一生的 真人真事的第一手經歷,

  • what they needed and had previously lacked:

    這些當事人凝聚團結在一起,

  • a platform to speak out,

    創造出他們所需要, 但之前一直欠缺的東西:

  • the reassurance they weren't alone or to blame for what happened to them

    一個能讓他們發表言論的平台,

  • and open discussions that would help to reduce stigma around the issue.

    讓他們知道自己不是孤軍奮鬥, 也不是有錯的那一方,

  • The voices of those directly affected were at the forefront of the story --

    而公開討論也能夠幫助減輕 談論到相關議題的羞辱感。

  • not the voices of journalists or commentators on social media.

    這個社群中,說故事的人 同時也是事件的當事者

  • And that's why the story was news.

    並不是記者或評論員撰擬出來的。

  • We live in an incredibly interconnected world

    這也是為什麼這故事被稱為新聞。

  • with the proliferation of social media,

    我們身在一個網路資訊 四通八達的世界,

  • which is of course a fantastic resource for igniting social change.

    社群媒體不斷地激增,

  • But it's also made us increasingly reactive,

    而它的確是推動社會改變的利器。

  • from the smallest annoyances of, "Oh, my train's been delayed,"

    但這也使人們越來越過度反應,

  • to the greatest injustices of war, genocides, terrorist attacks.

    小至「天啊!火車誤點了!」的 惱人小事,

  • Our default response has become to leap to react to any kind of grievance

    大至戰爭、種族屠殺, 甚至是恐怖攻擊。

  • by tweeting, Facebooking, hastagging --

    看到任何發牢騷、不滿的訊息時, 就會立即做出回應,

  • anything to show others that we, too, have reacted.

    在推特、臉書上發文、標記,

  • The problem with reacting in this manner en masse

    竭盡所能的昭告天下 自己也有所共鳴。

  • is it can sometimes mean that we don't actually react at all,

    問題是,當大家都有所反應時,

  • not in the sense of actually doing anything, anyway.

    有時也意味著大家根本沒反應,

  • It might make ourselves feel better,

    沒有人真的想去做些什麼,

  • like we've contributed to a group mourning or outrage,

    我們只是讓自己心裡面舒服點,

  • but it doesn't actually change anything.

    覺得好像在集體的哀悼與憤慨中 貢獻了一己之力,

  • And what's more,

    但事實上你沒有任何貢獻。

  • it can sometimes drown out the voices

    還有,

  • of those directly affected by the injustice,

    這些行為有的時候,

  • whose needs must be heard.

    會掩蓋掉真實受害者的聲音,

  • Worrying, too, is the tendency for some reactions to injustice

    而他們的需求必須被聽見。

  • to build even more walls,

    還令人擔憂的是 有些回應不公事件的行為

  • being quick to point fingers with the hope of providing easy solutions

    也可能會帶來更多隔閡,

  • to complex problems.

    人們迅速究責並希望能夠

  • One British tabloid, on the publication of my letter,

    對複雜的問題提供簡單的解決方案。

  • branded a headline stating,

    一家英國小報在刊登我的信時,

  • "Oxford Student Launches Online Campaign to Shame Attacker."

    下了這麼一個標題:

  • But the campaign never meant to shame anyone.

    「牛津學生在網路上 發起羞辱加害人運動。」

  • It meant to let people speak and to make others listen.

    但我發起的這個運動, 從未想要羞辱任何人。

  • Divisive Twitter trolls were quick to create even more injustice,

    只是要讓大家勇於發言並有人傾聽。

  • commenting on my attacker's ethnicity or class

    推特上具爭議性的謬論 只會造成更多傷害,

  • to push their own prejudiced agendas.

    藉由批評我的加害人的種族和階級,

  • And some even accused me of feigning the whole thing

    來推波助瀾他們自己的偏見。

  • to push, and I quote,

    有人甚至指控我是在自導自演,

  • my "feminist agenda of man-hating."

    容許我引用一下報社的文字:

  • (Laughter)

    「為了申張女權主義而仇恨男人」。

  • I know, right?

    (笑聲)

  • As if I'm going to be like, "Hey guys! Sorry I can't make it,

    好笑吧?

  • I'm busy trying to hate the entire male population

    好像我是會說:「抱歉,夥伴們, 我沒辦法去了喔,

  • by the time I'm 30."

    因為在 30 歲之前,我都在忙著 仇恨全世界所有的男人。」

  • (Laughter)

    這種話的人。

  • Now, I'm almost sure

    (笑聲)

  • that these people wouldn't say the things they say in person.

    現在,我幾乎可以確定,

  • But it's as if because they might be behind a screen,

    這些人不會當著我的面說出 他們在網路上留下的那些言論。

  • in the comfort in their own home

    那是因為他們躲在螢幕後面,

  • when on social media,

    待在自己舒適的家中

  • people forget that what they're doing is a public act --

    使用著社群媒體。

  • that other people will be reading it and be affected by it.

    人們常會忘記他們的所作所為 是一種公眾行為,

  • Returning to my analogy of getting back on our trains,

    其他人會看,也會受其影響。

  • another main concern I have about this noise that escalates

    回到前面提到的重回地鐵的比喻,

  • from our online responses to injustice

    對那些在網路上回應 不公義的干擾言論,

  • is that it can very easily slip into portraying us as the affected party,

    我所關注的是,

  • which can lead to a sense of defeatism,

    這些干擾言論很容易 把我們描繪成受影響的一方,

  • a kind of mental barrier to seeing any opportunity for positivity or change

    這可能會導致失敗主義的情緒:

  • after a negative situation.

    這是一種無法正向地看待機會

  • A couple of months before the campaign started

    或無法在負面狀態下 做出改變的精神障礙。

  • or any of this happened to me,

    在這個運動開始的幾個月前

  • I went to a TEDx event in Oxford,

    或在我遭遇這些事之前,

  • and I saw Zelda la Grange speak,

    我參加 TEDx 在牛津的活動,

  • the former private secretary to Nelson Mandela.

    我看見了納爾遜·曼德拉的 前任私人秘書

  • One of the stories she told really struck me.

    芮爾妲•拉格蘭奇的演講,

  • She spoke of when Mandela was taken to court

    她其中的一個故事震撼了我。

  • by the South African Rugby Union

    她提到曼德拉在委任對體育事件 進行調查後,

  • after he commissioned an inquiry into sports affairs.

    就被南非國家橄欖球隊

  • In the courtroom,

    一狀告到法院。

  • he went up to the South African Rugby Union's lawyers,

    在法庭上,

  • shook them by the hand

    他走向南非國家橄欖球隊的律師團,

  • and conversed with them, each in their own language.

    跟他們握手,

  • And Zelda wanted to protest,

    並用他們各自的語言和他們對話。

  • saying they had no right to his respect

    芮爾妲想提出抗議,

  • after this injustice they had caused him.

    她認為這些律師對曼德拉做出 不公義的指控,

  • He turned to her and said,

    不配得到曼德拉的尊重。

  • "You must never allow the enemy to determine the grounds for battle."

    曼德拉回頭告訴她:

  • At the time of hearing these words,

    「永遠別讓敵人來決定戰場。」

  • I didn't really know why they were so important,

    聽到這句話時,

  • but I felt they were, and I wrote them down in a notebook I had on me.

    我並不瞭解這句話的重要性,

  • But I've thought about this line a lot ever since.

    但我覺得它很重要,所以我將這句話 寫在我隨身攜帶的筆記本上。

  • Revenge, or the expression of hatred

    從那個時候開始, 我便常常思考這句話的意義。

  • towards those who have done us injustice

    報復,或者向對我們施加不公的人

  • may feel like a human instinct in the face of wrong,

    表達恨意,

  • but we need to break out of these cycles

    可能是人類在面對不公不義時的 本能直覺反應,

  • if we are to hope to transform negative events of injustice

    但是我們需要打破這個循環,

  • into positive social change.

    我們應該要將不公平的負面事件,

  • To do otherwise

    轉換成正面的社會革新能量。

  • continues to let the enemy determine the grounds for battle,

    否則,