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  • *Ryan waits for his line*

  • She's late...

  • Again.

  • She lives so close. What could possibly take her so long...

  • Hey why are you asking me all these questions?

  • What do I look like, a teacher, to you?

  • Oh, no, no. I wasn't really asking---

  • How the hell am I supposed know where she is? What do I look like, a GPS?

  • No no no no. It was a rhetorical question

  • What the hell is a 'red oracle' question? Speak English. What do I look like, some kind of like mathemagician?

  • No! I wasn't asking you directly, per say...

  • And now you calling me a pussy?

  • No no no! Per say, like---

  • Do I look a pussy to you?

  • No!

  • Do I like some kind of a cat?

  • What kind? Himalayan?

  • British Short Hair?

  • Russian Blue? What?!

  • You just carry around labeled pictures of cats with you all the time?

  • PICK!

  • Oo! Oh yeah, Russian Blue, I guess.

  • Imma Russian Blue?

  • I.. think..so?

  • Russian Blue?!

  • I mean.. I-I-I...

  • You think I am look like a Russian Blue?!

  • I'm still here, too.

  • Yeah, I can see that.

  • Sorry I'm late!

  • What took you so long?

  • Just my same old morning routine, you know?

  • Your morning routine? It's almost night!

  • Well, I didn't say it was a fast routine...

  • There's a lot of stuff for us girls to do in the morning

  • Don't you watch any of those make-up gurus that do all those 'My Morning Routine' videos and they basically just show everybody what they do in the morning?

  • Um, no. Why would anybody even wanna watch that?

  • BECAUSE IT'S GOOD!

  • Anyway, I think that's what we should do today.

  • Do what?

  • Our morning routine, so that people can appreciate how much work it is for us girls to look the way we do!

  • Alright, if we're really gonna do this, who wants to go first? R-Dizzle? Regina?

  • You want me to go?

  • You go first.

  • Regina: You want me to go, I go first and you go--- R-Dizzle: I... want---

  • What about me?

  • We are not gonna start with you, Hanate. I don't even know if you're even do yours this time.

  • What? Why not?

  • Cause I know you're gonna troll us!

  • Like you remember that Halloween story a while back, when it was your turn, all you said was...

  • I'm sorry, Hanate, how was your Halloween?

  • I stay home cook rice. (echoing)

  • See what I mean?

  • Because that's what I did!

  • Stay home cook rice!

  • But that's not a stor---

  • You know what, Regina, can you just please go?

  • Oh, sure.

  • *Clears throat*

  • Will you just go?

  • My morning routine goes a little something like this:

  • So, the first thing I do in the morning is wake up.

  • I usually try to wake up early, like around 12 or 1 PM,

  • But lately I have been waking up even earlier, like 11 AM from the cold,

  • Because my stupid boyfriend steals all the blankets from me.

  • So I yell at him and he just ignores me the whole time and continues to sleep which makes me really sad.

  • So I cry for about 5 to 10 minutes

  • before I realize that, "Wait, I don't have a boyfriend."

  • So I get over it, and that's when I head to the bathroom when the real fun begins.

  • I do all the boring stuff first, like turn on the shower,

  • brush my teeth,

  • brush my hair,

  • brush my little bush downstairs...

  • And then by that time, the shower's steamy enough for me to write my name in it,

  • so that I can take the picture for Insters and Snappies.

  • And then comes the fun part, my make up.

  • I always start with my foundation which if you don't know is pretty much just powder.

  • So any kind of powder works,

  • but personally I use flour.

  • because I love flo-ers, they look and smell beautiful

  • And once I finished that, I do my lips

  • and most girls like using these coloring sticks

  • but I prefer to lip dip,

  • which is a technique that's really popular in other country outside of Nevada,

  • but basically what you use is some fruit punch, or grape juice ,what ever color you want in a bowl,

  • and just dip your lips for two maybe three or four hours and you're done!

  • And ready to do your eyes.

  • Now some people call it eyeliner, some say eye shadow but it really doesn't matter because they're all the same thing.

  • And basically it's just the coloring of your eyeball section

  • and again, I know most girls like to color their eyes with coloring sticks

  • but I'm really not like that typical basic biatch,

  • so I like to use the fancier foreign brands, like Crayole

  • Which stay some pretty nicely

  • Or like sharpie which is actually waterproof and won't come off when you swim, cry, or even scrub for an hour

  • and if you can't afford those, I found that

  • you know, those little black balls that everybody gets every Christmas, works really well

  • I believe that brand is called charqoal or something, but that works too

  • and after that I am pretty much done, and ready to get the day started

  • so I leave the bathroom, and that's when I always see my blankets on my bed move

  • so I go over there thinking, "Wait, maybe I do have a boyfriend"

  • But when I check and remove the covers, It's not my boyfriend at all

  • it's me under there

  • I see myself sleeping, and that's when I realize I was astral projecting the whole time

  • so then I just wake myself up by pulling off the covers

  • so that I get really cold, wake up, and do it all over again!

  • hahh *breathes out*

  • so... whatcha guys think?

  • that was...

  • long

  • hahh, thank you!

  • anyway, um.. who's next?

  • R-Dizzle?

  • What?

  • Let's hear your morning routine

  • hopefully it wont be as long as Regina's though, right?

  • why not, you tryin' to rush my routine

  • What?

  • You rushin' me dawg, you russian me!?

  • Ryan: I'm not trying to rush you. R-Dizzle: what do i look like some Russian to you?!?!

  • ha yeah, like a Russian Blue

  • ha.. ha.

  • I don't get it

  • anyway, like I was saying, yeah go ahead,and just take your time, no rush

  • good

  • huh, now where was I?

  • where was I?

  • oh, I don't think you even started yet

  • I wasn't asking you, that was a rhetorical question, stupid!

  • anyway, my morning starts a little something like this

  • wake up, grab my phone, first thing I do

  • jump on that clash of clans

  • I harvest, GO, elixer, build groups, raid

  • Other building stuff

  • Next, Candy crush it

  • I get stripes, I get packets, I get chocolate with the sprinkles on top

  • BOOM

  • On to Brave, Dungeon, PaD, to the 12 hour mark

  • And back to the basics, then I jump right back on that CoC and repeat

  • Before I know it, it is night

  • Then I just do it all over again

  • So that's your full routine?

  • The non-rush version?

  • Mhmm

  • Well then I guess we're done with this then, right?

  • What?! What?!

  • I mean all that's left is me and I don't have a good made up routine like you guys, all I have is a real one, so...

  • What about me?

  • I already told you, we're not gonna let you troll us again

  • I not troll, I human

  • Yeah just let him do it man

  • Yeah

  • Fine, go ahead then, but I swear if you do that cook rice joke one more time, i'm just gonna...

  • My mourning routine not joke, not joke at all

  • (Sad piano music) Hanate: *clears throat*

  • Mah routine goes a little something like this

  • every morning, I wake up

  • Afraid,

  • 'fraid for my life

  • Gun fire, Screams, before I know it I hear bangen on my door

  • Someone tryin to break in

  • Thats when I grab the gun that I keep under my pillow

  • And count down 4, 3, 2... 1

  • I fire the moment that door opens before I can even get a good look at who it is

  • But as I'm bout to leave, I realize that I know this man, He's my father

  • Tears start comin down my face like a waterfall being chased by the TLC

  • And I just run, get in my car and head straight to my psychologist in ten years

  • Cuz I don't know who else to talk to

  • I tell him the whole story

  • And he tells me "Hanate, you shouldn't be sad cuz yo daddy didn't die"

  • I say "what"?

  • And thats when he tells me "Hanate, I am your dad"

  • And I don't know what to do, I-I don't know if I should be happy, or betrayed and I just close my eyes and blackout

  • When I opened them, I find my psychologist, my father dead

  • I shot him, I hear sirens coming

  • That's when I get back in my car and start driving again,

  • Tears are comin down my face like a K-pop star in that movie "Ninja Assassin", like rain, and it blurs my vision

  • Right as an old lady crossing the street

  • I slam my brakes

  • I lose control of the car and hit her

  • An innocent old lady.

  • I get out and run over to her to see that she's barely alive

  • I bend down next to her not having to convey how sorry I am

  • When she stops me she tells my "come closer

  • She whispers "I forgive you... son"

  • And that's when I realize, this innocent old lady I killed... was my dad

  • Tears started coming down my face like...

  • [Ryan interrupts] K that's enough

  • Hey I not done

  • Yeah let him finish, I want to hear the end, so what did your tears come down your face like

  • Oh, just like Bruce Lee favorite drink

  • Oh, let me guess like "Wa Ta"

  • No like Pepsi, he like Pepsi

  • (Sigh)

  • I heard that too

  • Is that really your morning routine? The routine you do every morning?

  • Hai ('yes' in Japanese)

  • So you're saying that you pretty much murder 3 different people that claim that they're you father every single morning when you get up

  • Ohh, you mean morning like when the sun come up

  • YES, what did you think a morning routine was?

  • I thought you mean mourning like when you sad because people die

  • OOOHHHH

  • Mourning, with like a U, that's an easy mistake

  • No that's not an easy mistake, why would you even think that that's what we're talking about?

  • Regina: Don't be mean to him

  • R-Dizzle: Yeah dude, his father just died. Regina: Yeah, all three of 'em

  • Hai

  • Ok, fine, I get it, there's some kind of language barrier of some sort and I don't know why in your head, for some reason, you have a country accent

  • I think it's Canadian accent

  • No it's not, not even close, but that's fine because now you know which morning I'm talking about, right?

  • Hai

  • The one where the sun rises?

  • Hai

  • Ok then, can you please just tell us a real answer?

  • Are you gonna tell us or...

  • Hai, yeah yeah yeah, I tell

  • THEN TELL US

  • tell what

  • YOUR MORNING ROUTINE, WHAT DO YOU DO IN THE MORNING

  • Oh I wake up cook rice #GotRice

  • (TEEHEE)

  • (Well thank you guys again so much for watching.

  • If you wanna see bloopers and behind the scenes, click the one on the left.

  • If you wanna see the previous video, click the one on the right.

  • And if you wanna see the last Skitzo video, click the one on the bottom.

  • Regina: Ah that's a really good idea I think you should click the one on the bottom.

  • That's the best one out of all of them.

  • Ryan: Reg-ina, just- w-what're you doing here...

*Ryan waits for his line*

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A2 初級 美國腔

我的早晨程序(Skitzo (My Morning Routine (Skitzo))

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    台北 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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