Soon you will be able to track all your medical information on your iPhone.

不久後你就可以在你的 iPhone 上查看你的醫療資料

Apple is like: "Look, we already know all this stuff.

蘋果就像在說：「聽著，我們早就知道這些資訊了，

We are just asking your permission to put it on your phone."

我們只是需要你們同意讓我們放到手機裡而已。」

The idea is to help people automatically keep track of their medical history,

這功能的用意是在於讓人們可以自動追蹤自己的就醫紀錄

and also to let the guy at the genius bar know you have herpes.

還有，讓維修部的人知道你有皰疹

But, part of me likes the idea because I like the idea of of tracking my medical history.

但某方面我還滿喜歡這個點子，因為我覺得可以了解自己的就醫紀錄還滿不錯的

Part of me doesn't, because it seems a little bit...

某方面我不喜歡，因為感覺有點...

I mean imagine, imagine what it would be like if Siri was your doctor.

你想想，如果 Siri 是你的醫生，會發生什麼事？

Hey Siri.

嘿，Siri

What can I help you with?

有什麼我能幫您的？

Thanks for seeing me, I've been a little under the weather.

謝謝你幫我看診，我身體有點不舒服 (註：under the weather 意思為身體不適)

The weather in Los Angeles is

洛杉磯的天氣

- currently clear skies with zero percent chance of rain. - No, no, no.

- 現在是晴朗無雲且降雨機率為零 - 不、不、不

- The temperature is... - I'm saying, Siri I don't feel well.

- 現在氣溫為... - 我的意思是，Siri 我不舒服

I have a pain in my side.

我這邊很痛

You're concerned about penis size.

你很在意你下面的尺寸 (註：此處諷刺 Siri 語音辨識能力很差)

I found several pills that can help.

我有一些藥可以幫你解決

Not... Yeah a little but I'm not...

不... 是有一點，但我不...

I have a pain, what I'm asking about I have a pain right here.

我這裡很痛，我在問的是我這個地方很痛

It hurts when I press it.

我一壓它就痛

Prostate. Got it.

前列腺，了解 (註：此處 prostate 諧音上一句 press it)

- Remove your pants and bend over the table. - No, no, no, no...

- 請把褲子脫掉然後趴在桌上 - 不、不、不

I'm pretty sure this pain has absolutely nothing to do with my prostate.

我很確定這裡的疼痛跟我的前列腺毫無關係

Okay. Prostitutes.

了解，性交易 (註：prostitute 諧音 prostate)

I found five prostitutes in your area.

我在你周遭找到了五間有小姐的酒店

Tap one to call.

請擇一撥號

No. You know what I'm not... I don't want to call any of them.

不，我其實不是... 我不想撥任何一個號碼

Can you just give me something for the pain?

你能不能直接給我一些止痛藥？

Maybe, uh, Aspirin or some Tylenol.

像是，阿斯匹靈或一些普拿疼

Okay, Tide Pods.

了解，汰漬洗衣球 (註：此處同為諧音)

No. It's... Tylenol.

不，是... 普拿疼

- Can I help you with anything else? - No... these will be fine.

- 還有什麼我能幫您的嗎？- 不用了... 這樣就可以了

Thank you Siri. Thank you for the Tide Pods.

謝謝你，Siri，謝謝你的洗衣球

Thank you Siri. I'm just going to stay here. Alright.

謝謝你，Siri。我要直接坐在這裡，好的

I don't know why. Don't know why I feel like...

我不知道為何，不知道為什麼我覺得...

You've just walked in on a Lily Tomlin sketch.

好像在拍 Lily Tomlin 的喜劇 (註： Lily Tomlin 為一美國女喜劇演員)