But when I'm not hiding, I'm usually just getting by,

但就算我沒有在躲小孩的時候，我也準備要去躲了

Like a lot of other moms.

就像有些媽媽們一樣

All the moms really.

其實是所有的媽媽啦

Some days I feel like a fierce warrior mother, you know.

有時候我覺得我是個勇者般的媽媽

And the other days I feel like, well,

但大多數的時候我覺得

like I'm just hiding under the bed.

我就只想躲在床下

I love doing research, but some of the best tips I've gotten

我喜歡做研究，但有些最棒的小訣竅我是從

Have been from other mommas.

其他媽媽們那邊得來的

Now momming is my favorite topic,

現在聊媽媽經是我最愛的話題

and I want to share what I know.

我想分享我所知道的

I'm here with the proud new owner of a tiny human, Katie Lowes.

現在在我旁邊的是得意的新手媽媽─凱蒂洛斯

[MUSIC PLAYING]

（出演「醜聞風暴」、新手媽媽、紅酒專家）

Today, we're going to talk about the good, the bad,

今天我們要談論當母親的好處及壞處

and the ugly of motherhood.

以及醜陋之處

But mostly, the ugly.

但應該都是醜陋之處啦

[MUSIC PLAYING]

（音樂）

How did you feel when you first got home?

你產後第一次回家之後的感覺是什麼？

Because I just felt this pressure.

因為我只感受到壓力

Like, I totally loved him, but I loved him in an abstract way.

我很愛他但我愛得很抽象

Like, I also felt like I brought him home, and I was like,

我帶他回家時，我也有這種感覺

who is this stranger in my house?

是哪個陌生人在我家啊？

Who am I?

我是誰？

I'm just supposed to be a mom now.

我現在應該要是個媽媽了

I felt the same way, and I don't feel like anyone talks about that.

我也是這樣覺得，我覺得以前沒有人討論過這個

It is a stranger.

他就是個陌生人

As humans, we make connections through experiences.

身為人類，我們透過經驗來建立感情

I had had no experiences with this person.

但我跟這個人沒有過任何經驗呀

Thank God.

天啊謝謝

Because I was like, oh my gosh,

因為我覺得，天啊

I'm going to be a terrible mother.

我應該會是個糟糕的母親

I have no motherly instincts.

我沒有母性的本能

I look down at his little, sweet face.

我往下看他那小小又可愛的臉龐

Thank God he's cute, because he's, like,

還好他很可愛，因為他差不多

ripping my nipples off.

要把我的奶頭扯下來

But, I would get so mad when I would

還有件事會讓我非常生氣，當我成為媽媽後

get a text from a mom being like,

收到的簡訊的內容是

Are you so blissed out right now?

你現在應該非常幸福吧？

And I was like, excuse me.

我想說：不好意思

No.

才不是咧

It is a little bit strange to go from like, an autonomous woman

從一個獨立自主的女性

to then all of a sudden being a food truck.

突然間變成了餐車，這是段很奇怪的過程

Because that's essentially what you are.

因為基本上你還是一樣的人

That's exactly what you are.

你還是一樣的人

Isn't it crazy how much of your nipple and your boob

知道有多少胸部要塞進他們嘴裡

has to go in their mouth?

你不覺得很瘋狂嗎？

They're biting a burger.

他們就像在吃漢堡

Yes!

對

They go.

他們就像這樣

You've got to flatten it out and put half of it

你先要壓扁然後再放進一半的胸部

in their throat...

到他們的喉嚨裡

Otherwise, the latch is wrong.

否則，含乳的動作會是錯的

And if the latch is wrong,

如果含乳的動作是錯的

Ouch.

超痛

Game over.

完蛋

Game over.

真的完蛋

That's, like, the size of my nipple

我覺得這是我奶頭的大小

when I was breastfeeding, I feel like.

當我在哺乳的時候

Oh, yeah.

對

You have to put half of this

你必須拉出一半的奶

[LAUGHTER]

（笑聲）

in the baby's mouth.

放到寶寶的嘴裡

You don't just put that part in the baby's mouth.

不是只放這部分到寶寶的嘴裡

You've got to put this whole thing... you've got to...

你必須把這整個都放進去，你必須要

Squeeze it?

擠它？

Perfect.

完美

The other thing I'm having with breastfeeding, a little bit,

我對哺乳還有另個想法，它有點

is like, I can't believe it.

讓我無法置信

Because I really feel like part of me

因為我覺得某個部份的我

is this earth mother who just going

變成了盡責的媽媽，我需要

to have her boobs out everywhere,

讓我的胸部到處袒露

breastfeed in public.

在公共場所哺乳

But then, I'm not that person.

但我不是那種可以在公共場合哺乳的人

I've been like covering up.

我喜歡遮起來

I think that's so normal, first of all.

第一，我覺得這很普通

I think, especially because you're kind of a people

我覺得特別像是你這種人，你是藝人

pleaser, just like I am.

我也是藝人

But I got into this weird zone in my head

但我在我腦海中有怪異的感覺

After I had my kid, where I went,

在我有小孩之後，只要我出門

No. I'm sorry, but my kid is more important than your discomfort about a boob.

不好意思，但比起你對乳房的不適，我的小孩更重要

I just really need to free the nipple.

我真的需要解放我的奶頭

Free the [BLEEP] nipple.

解放（嗶）奶頭

Nipple.

奶頭

Do you know what Mastitis is?

你知道乳腺炎嗎？

Yeah.

知道

I live in fear of Mastitis.

我活在乳腺炎的恐懼中

I'm constantly giving myself checks.

我有不斷地幫自己檢查

I've had Mastitis three times.

我得了乳腺炎三次

What?!

什麼？!

It's the worst.

真的很可怕

If it gets to be an infection,

如果轉變成感染

It can spread to your bloodstream and you can actually...

它會擴散到血管，就有可能會‧‧‧

it's very dangerous.

非常的危險

I had to get on antibiotics twice,

我有兩次都嚴重到要吃抗生素

which, look, I'm pretty crunchy.

聽著，我比較崇尚自然

I don't love antibiotics.

我不想吃抗生素

Sure, sure sure.

當然

But, you know what I like more than antibiotics?

但你知道比起抗生素，我更愛什麼嗎？

- Life. - Life.

- 人生 - 人生

The third time I had it, I was in Atlanta.

當我第三次得到乳腺炎時，我在亞特蘭大

We couldn't call a doctor.

我們沒辦法找到醫生

And this was right after the baby stopped nursing.

且就發生在寶寶開始停止哺乳後

So what do you do?

那你怎麼辦？

Oh!

噢

Kristen.

克莉絲汀

Oh my God.

我的天啊

So I said to my husband, I said,

我告訴我的老公

I'm going to need you to suck this out.

我需要你把奶吸出來

We could talk about it.

我們可以討論這個

We could be weird about it.

我們也可以覺得有疙瘩

Or you could just go ahead and nurse.

或我們也可以直接繼續哺乳

Right?

是吧？

Did he?

那他有吸嗎？

Yes!

有！

And did it work?

那有用嗎？

Yeah, he pulled it out.

有，他吸出來了

He had...

他有...

An incredible latch.

有很棒的含乳動作

He had a cup next to him.

他有個杯子放在他旁邊

Ugh.

嘔

He was pulling out and spitting into this cup.

他吸出來後吐到杯子裡

And I've never been more in love in my life.

這是我最愛他的時刻了

And he spits.

他吐出來了

He doesn't swallow.

他沒吞下去

Yeah, he spits.

對，他吐出來了

He doesn't swallow.

他沒有吞下去

That's what I figured out.

這是我的想法

I haven't tried my breast milk yet.

我沒試過我的母乳

Everybody does that.

每個人都會試喝看看

It's tasty.

很好喝

OK.

好喔

When was this yield?

這什麼時候擠的？

This was pumped, I think, this morning.

這是電動吸乳器擠的89，我想想，是這早上吧

That's a nice thick yield.

這量滿多的

I did have Mallomars last night.

我昨晚吃了巧克力棉花糖

Are you getting that?

你有聞到嗎？

I had like two Mallomars last night.

我昨天吃了兩顆吧

No, I'm not getting much of a scent,

沒，我沒聞到

but I bet you this is going to be dreamy milk.

但我打賭這會是你喝過最棒的牛奶

[MUSIC PLAYING]

（音樂）

Oh, that's nice and thick.

噢，看起來濃醇香呢

It's got legs.

很濃耶

Yes.

對呀

OK.

好

I'm just taking a small sip.

我只要喝一小小口

OK.

好

[MUSIC PLAYING]

（音樂）

Whoa.

哇

Is it... what does it taste like?

感覺如何？

Sweet.

甜甜的

Yeah, right?

對吧？

Very sweet.

很甜

Like, like, vanilla sweetened almond milk.

像是甜的香草杏仁牛奶

Yeah.

對

I just, like, leaked for the first time this weekend.

上個周末，我第一次溢奶

Yeah.

對的

Like through my clothes.

溢出來到衣服外面

It was like... yeah, it was really...

感覺像...真的很...

you would be proud of that moment.

你應該感到驕傲的

I am proud of you.

我為你感到驕傲

I was horrified.

我嚇死了

I got to change my mental state.

我需要轉換心境

What are you horrified?

為什麼你會嚇到？

That is your super power!

這是你的超能力！

You are doing something extraordinary.

你在做一件非常偉大的事

You are able to make another human being survive

你可以讓一個人類活下來

Ｗith this liquid gold.

透過這個聖水

It's my superpower!

是我的超能力！