It's kinda sad but my relationship with my phone

雖然這聽起來有點慘

is my longest, most intimate relationship.

但我的手機是我交往最久、也最親密的對象

Everybody who knows me they know what's going on in my life all the time

認識我的人都會知道我生活中發生的所有事情

because I'm always on Snapchat Stories or Instagram Stories.

因為我都會發到 Snapchat 或是 Instagram 上

Pretty much anything I do on my phone is a waste of time

我用手機時都是在殺時間居多

unless I am doing something for work.

除非我用它處理工作

I have little to no idea what I will be doing

我不太知道現在要幹嘛

except for the fact that it involves my phone

我只知道跟我的手機有關

and kind of going off the grid a little bit?

然後要稍微脫離社群網路之類的？

Okay...

好喔...

Am I gonna get it back?

之後會還我嗎？

Oh my God!

我的天啊！

No!

不！

No.

不

Wait, this is a joke, right?

你在跟我開玩笑吧？

Oh no, this is the phone my grandmother has.

喔不，這是我奶奶會用的手機

I do like the look.

我喜歡它的外表

But like functionally what am I supposed to do with this?

但這到底要怎麼用？

Okay, am I supposed to use this for a week?

好，我要用這個整整一個禮拜嗎？

Oh no!

喔不！

Oh, it has a camera!

喔，它有相機！

(Last FaceTime with Mom) How are you gonna call Uber?

(和媽媽最後一次視訊) 你要怎麼叫 Uber ?

(Posting her last Instagram story) This is where I say, "I love you guys, wish me luck,

(發最後一篇 IG 文) 我在 Instagram 上打：我愛大家，祝我好運

and hopefully I survive."

希望我能存活下來

Well, congrats millennial.

恭喜你啦，Y 世代

You can have it, I can't look at it anymore.

拿走吧，我不敢多看它一眼

One last selfie before I go.

讓我拍最後一張自拍

It's the first official day.

這是正式實驗的第一天

I'm taking this challenge very seriously.

我很認真看待這項挑戰

Someone over here doesn't know how to turn on

這裡竟然有人不知道

her own phone. - I don't know

怎麼開機。- 我不知道

how to turn my phone on

要怎麼開機

Look at the era we live in,

看看我們生活的時代

these privileged Millennials these days.

這些幸運的 Y 世代們

You know the home screen that we have on our iPhones?

你知道 iPhone 上面那個 home 鍵吧？

This doesn't have that so I don't know what to press.

這沒有那個鍵所以我不知道要按什麼

I am currently in the bathroom.

我現在在上廁所

I have to go old school.

我只能走一個老派路線

I have to go to Staples but I don't know where Staples is

我現在要去 Staples，但我不知道它在哪

so I had to print out Google Maps.

所以我只好把 Google 地圖印出來

Okay, first comes first,

好的，第一步

learning how to fold a freaking map.

學會如何折好這該死的地圖

Help me!

救我！

So I added my parents as contacts for the first time today

我今天加入了我爸媽的電話號碼

and it was struggle texting them.

然後我發現傳簡訊超難

Instead of hitting the space bar which I was trying to find,

我本來要試著找到空白鍵

I hit send.

但我卻按到送出

It literally says this

我就傳了一個「這」

I would go back to flip phones, to be honest.

老實說，我會很想用智障型手機

I feel like life was just a simpler time.

我覺得以前的生活比較簡單

We appreciated more when we had flip phones.

沒有智慧型手機的時候，我們可以體會到更多令人感激的事物

Yeah, that's pretty good.

是啊，挺好的

Okay!

很好！

I'd put that on my Tinder profile.

我要把它當成我的大頭貼

I actually had to ask my coworkers

我必須開口問我的同事

what they did over this past weekend and likewise,

他們週末做了什麼事

they had no visibility into what my weekend looked like,

而他們完全不知道我週末在幹嘛

so now I'm super mysterious.

所以我現在超級神秘

So the alarm on this stupid flip phone did not go off.

這隻笨手機的鬧鐘今天沒有響

It's now 9:30 and I'm supposed to be at work at 9:30 so...

現在 9 點半，我應該要在上班了，所以...

I haven't charged all week, by the way,

我一整個禮拜沒有充電

and it's still alive somehow?

它竟然還可以用？

Now I realize how much battery smartphones actually drain.

我現在知道智慧型手機有多耗電了

As long as I have something to tell me the time

我只要可以知道現在的時間

and something to tell me when the train comes, I am good.

還有火車時刻表，就夠了

Oh...

喔...

I am looking at PornHub.com on a flip phone right now.

我正在用智障型手機上 A 片網站

And it's a horrible user experience.

這感覺超級爛

Yeah, I'm gonna have to go offline for this.

好了，我要先暫停一下

I'm becoming very irritable very quickly.

我現在變得很煩躁

It is really hindering my work

這完全妨礙了我的工作

because I can't get my emails, get my Slack messages.

我沒辦法收電子郵件，或是 Slack 訊息

I miss emojis.

我想念表情符號

This is my life now.

這是我現在的生活

So we're just gonna wander around the streets of New York

我們現在只能在紐約街頭亂走

while it's raining.

還在下雨

Can I just look at your GPS?

我可不可以直接用你的導航？

Am I allowed to do that?

我可以這樣做嗎？

Over the past few days I've been a lot more productive

這幾天我變得比以前的我

than I've been in a very long time

更加有效率

because I'm not texting here

因為我不會一直傳訊息

and checking in with apps there.

或是查看一堆 APP

Today is Fri-yay,

今天是快樂星期五

or the last day that I'm doing this stupid challenge.

也是我做這個笨挑戰的最後一天

Menu?

主選單？

I am vlogging from Hawaii today.

我今天在夏威夷拍影片

After a week of no iPhone

在這個沒有 iPhone 的一週

I feel like I'm getting back from a little mini vaca

我有點像是在渡假的感覺

so I thought this was appropriate.

所以我覺得這特效很適合

Learned a trick with my phone, watch!

我學到一招，你看！

At this point I've gotten pretty frickin' good

我現在對於沒有 iPhone 的生活

at living life without an iPhone.

感到滿不錯的

I've even figured out some hacks

我甚至發現一些

with my flip phone.

手機生活小撇步

I'm going to treat myself to a nice dinner,

我要去吃一頓大餐

and I think I might go tech free for dinner.

我覺得這將會是一頓無 3C 晚餐

Might just leave everything including the stupid flip phone.

我會把所有東西，包括這隻智障型手機，都留在這裡

You would think it's really dramatic

你可能會覺得很誇張

but it's classical addiction,

但這就像是種典型成癮

where you think you can't live without something

你覺得你不能沒有某樣東西

and then you're like "I'm fine, the world is fine,

但之後你卻變成「我很好，世界一樣正常」

they don't need my InstaStories and I don't need theirs."

「他們不需要看我的 IG 動態，我也不需要他們的動態」

The main thing that I noticed was

我最主要的發現是

I was just keeping my head up more and I was looking around

我不再低頭，而且會一直觀察四周

and noticing things I hadn't noticed before.

發現一些以前從未發現的事物

I read parts of a couple different books.

我讀了一些不同的書

But it was just mainly giving up social media

我覺得脫離社群網路

that was kind of a struggle,

是最難熬的部分

especially because I did go out a lot.

因為我很常出去玩

Oh my God, that's actually really cool.

我的天，這真的滿酷的

- Right? - You can put that on my Instagram.

- 對吧？- 你可以幫我發到我的 IG 上

Thank you Jade, I love you!

謝謝妳 Jade，愛妳！

Also I had to carry around a map of Manhattan in my purse.

而且我還要隨身攜帶一張曼哈頓的地圖

If anything this has made me more reliant on my iPhone

如果說有什麼讓我更依賴 iPhone 的原因

because I felt like a part of me was missing.

因為這一週我覺得我很不完整

I wasn't so easily accessible and people couldn't reach me.

那麼就是因為我很難跟別人聯絡

I was just a lot more present in everything that I did.

我變得更專注於手邊的工作

And I've never been so focused.

而且我從來沒這麼專心過

Sometimes you've just gotta live in the moment.

有時候你就是該活在當下

It's better you looking your own life

比起發到社群網路上

than posting on social media

讓其他人羨慕你

and having other people envy yours.

你更應該自己好好享受生活

I just feel like I'm in a better mental, spiritual place.

我覺得我的精神、靈魂都有點昇華了

My last words to this flip phone are

我對這隻智障型手機的最後一句話就是

I'm ready to be reunited with my iPhone.

我準備好跟我的 iPhone 團圓了

My baby!

我的寶貝！

Feels good to have this back in my hands.

拿回它讓我感覺好棒

It feels good and I feel like a complete person again.

這感覺很棒，我覺得我又像個完整的人了

I'm gonna go take a bunch of selfies.

我要拍一大堆自拍