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  • Hello, welcome back ladies. It is TLC Thursday and I'm Christal, the Founder of

  • The Ladies Coach. As you know, we come out with videos every Thursday geared

  • towards topics and questions that you all may have. This week I couldn't

  • I couldn't get away from this topic actually was so crazy it was like a

  • domino effect of things that are happening in everyone's lives I guess I

  • mean. I got requested this topic about why it's so hard for us to move on,

  • or get out of a relationship that we feel it's not good for us. And after I

  • got suggested that topic three or four other women came to me whether through

  • text, whether through email, and asked the same thing which is so crazy so I wanted

  • to do a video on this, just to obviously answer anybody who's ever text

  • me or email me this and and tell you that I'm not going to give you a

  • straight answer but rather give you some really thought-provoking questions to

  • dig deep inside of you, to figure out what it is that you want and if this

  • relationship is something you want to move from or not. So in this video we're

  • going to go into five ways to dig deep within yourself, to find out what it is

  • that you really want out of your relationship. So here we go if you have a

  • pen and paper this will be definitely handy, as I'm trying not to make

  • this such a serious topic, because I can go on and on about it but I really want you

  • to write down these questions as I feel like they're so crucial ladies. So get a

  • pen and paper and let's get started.

  • Number One: What is it that you really want to feel?

  • Write this down. It takes you actually going into what it is that

  • you want to feel out of your spouse, or feel out of yourself. What is it that you

  • want to get when you come home how is your house? You know how is your

  • relationship? If you don't live together, how do you want to communicate? How do

  • you want to feel loved? What kind of things do you want your partner to

  • show you, and what kind of things do you want to do for your partner? I think the

  • most important thing before we start getting into all the negative qualms

  • about our partner, or about ourselves about our relationship, is to really just

  • be specific with ourselves. What do we want to feel? Because I think a lot of

  • time to go into relationships and sometimes we don't even know what you

  • know if it's our first time you know meeting somebody, or it's our first real

  • relationship you know, it's kind of like trial and error right? But the thing that

  • we can all really work on is the things that we want to feel, because once you

  • know that you kind of have a clear vision of what you want out of your

  • relationship. So Number One is what do you want to feel? And write down all the

  • ways that you want that other person, or yourself to make you feel more of the

  • better ways. So all the positive ways you want to feel, and what both you and your

  • spouse can do to make you feel that.

  • Number two ladies and I feel like this is actually

  • one of the most important things: Be very truthful of where you are

  • at with your relationship. What are the problems? what are you causing and what

  • is your partner causing? You know to create these problems. What I find is

  • women come to me about all the things that are going wrong with their relationships,

  • or whether they should move on, but at the same time they're not actually being

  • very specific about what's going wrong. I feel like as women we start trying to

  • justify once we start going into the negative things about relationships, then

  • we start going into the justifications. Oh well you know I just think we you know

  • he did this for this reason, and it's like you're coming to me to tell me

  • something negative in your relationship and why you want to move on, but then you end

  • up being your own coach. So what I want you to do, and I think this is

  • very important, is just be truthful. Stop sugarcoating, stop fluffing it up,

  • and stop trying to be your own coach. That's what I'm here for. But I

  • think that you need to be very specific and very truthful to what is actually

  • happening. The good and the bad. Don't just focus on the bad. What are the great

  • things about your relationship? What are the bad things about your relationship?

  • And don't justify it, just be truthful so if you have your pen and paper this is

  • actually one of the most important questions is be truthful and very

  • specific about what is happening now. Number Three ladies: What could you be

  • losing if you were to leave this relationship? This is something to be

  • very truthful about too, because sometimes we feel like we're in a relationship

  • that we want to leave, we can't because of this question. We get all these fears

  • of what's going to be uncomfortable, and what would you actually be losing and we

  • don't even know what it is. I guarantee if you write it down, you'll either say

  • "Wow I'm not losing anything important, or I'm actually losing a best friend, or I'm

  • actually losing my love." So this is another crucial question to ask yourself, and be

  • very very truthful with yourself again. Sometimes when you're writing it down, it may not

  • sound pretty. It may make you feel like you're a bad person, which you're not. If

  • you're thinking, if you're writing down because of a lifestyle you have with

  • this person, or because of your home, or because of your kids, or because your

  • parents love this person, or because all your friends. Or maybe it's because

  • you don't they all the things that you're losing is he's actually a best

  • friend to you, or actually the love of your life, or actually you have this like

  • great chemistry. But you won't know until you actually write it down, and some of

  • them will actually sound very ugly to you but I guarantee you're going to get

  • to the truth of what you're going to be losing, and then you can decide if it's

  • worth losing.

  • Number Four: What will you be gaining?

  • What things would you feel if

  • you left the relationship, and you feel it would actually be a good thing?

  • What things could you be doing for yourself? You know write down, just like I

  • how we said in number three. Write out all the things that you'd be losing.

  • Again write down all the things that you'd be gaining. Is it freedom? Is it

  • being yourself? Is it in living a life of passion? Or is it you know maybe

  • more stress maybe maybe losing this relationship

  • you're gaining more bad and negative things in your life. Who knows, but be

  • very truthful with yourself and write down all the things that you'll be

  • gaining from this. And again once you see these lists and you're in the state of

  • being truthful with yourself, you're going to see what it is, and if it's

  • worth it to leave this relationship and if it's going to make you a better

  • person. Most of the time and sometimes we gotta leave you know and when you see

  • these lists of things that you're going to be losing versus things that you're

  • going to be gaining, you're going to get a clearer picture of whether it's worth

  • it or not. So these two are very important. So again Number Four is write down all

  • the things that you're going to be gaining, and then just take a look at all

  • the reasons other things that you're going to be losing and the things are

  • you're going to be gaining and just see if there's anything that is an

  • epiphany to you.

  • Now Number Five: Is flip the script. Okay we went through all

  • these really deep questions it's going to get you and I really do suggest

  • you're doing these questions alone, and in your own time where you can really

  • get into a deep space with yourself. But number five is flip the script. What

  • could you do to improve this relationship? Now a lot of you are

  • probably watching this thing there's nothing I can do with this relationship

  • this relationship has been done. I can't do any more. This you know we've gone

  • through all these problems, that I just can't do it anymore. Tut I'm asking you

  • for the sake of the exercise, and to you know make me feel better about myself as a

  • coach. I'm asking you to flip the script. Meaning get into all the ways as a woman

  • in your energy, and in your power, how could you make your relationship better?

  • How could you transform it? Even if you can't think

  • of it, get into a feeling, because I guarantee you after this question after

  • this exercise of getting into how you can bring your power into transforming

  • this relationship whether or not this relationship works, I guarantee you your

  • next relationship and even just your life your relationship with yourself

  • will be that much stronger because you're going to be able to connect in

  • the ways you know to bring that power, to transform anyone you're around. So I think

  • this is another I feel like all my questions are really important. I keep

  • saying this is the most important, this is the most important. So I'm saying

  • that this is one of the most important powerful exercises, and flipping the script

  • is necessary to bring and tie everything that I just told you.

  • So really write down all the ways that you can transform this relationship,

  • because sometimes, even though we've gone through bad with a person

  • there's always room to transform a relationship. I've seen it thousands of

  • times, and your relationship which you think is so done and maybe you can't

  • stand it anymore. Your relationship could probably be one

  • of those that turns around, and turns into something passionate So all of these

  • questions I'm suggesting you do. I hope you had a pen and paper. But this last

  • one please go into your power, and feel all the ways that you can transform, and

  • write it down and start doing it. The last thing I'm going to say to you is

  • after this exercise if you feel like you're stuck in a relationship and you

  • just don't know how long it's going to be, and how you know you've done this

  • exercise or you're just like okay I got all my answers I'm not going to be

  • losing that much I'm going to be gaining a lot, and I say flip the script.

  • Give yourself 60 days. I say 60 days because if you're already in this like I

  • can't take it anymore, I just want to go, and I just want to figure out you know

  • if I'm got right to leave. I say do the 60 day rule. 60 days to really figure out

  • if this relationship can be transformed. 60 days to give all that you can give in

  • this relationship, to be able to transform it and

  • see where it goes. After the 60 days if it can't be worth fixing, or mending, or

  • transforming. At least you've been operating in a powerful way, so at least

  • you leaving this relationship will be even more powerful, and even more loving,

  • so that when you're out in the world on your own, you're able to live a life of

  • passion. When you're in a relationship with a new person, you're able to operate

  • on this very very deep and spiritual level. So after all of these exercises if

  • you still feel ladies that you can't seem to make this relationship

  • transform, give it 60 days, and really really live in your power and move on.

  • Okay so I'm so thankful you guys. Watch this whole video. I really hope you guys do

  • really take the time to do these exercises, and I will see you again next

  • Thursday for TLC Thursday. Again, I'm here for comments, questions, anything that you

  • want to discuss obviously after this video I'm around. So go ahead and comment

  • away! You know all the ways to see where I am social media and Twitter are we

  • going to be floating these around I hope so. Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, comment below,

  • and I'll see you next week

Hello, welcome back ladies. It is TLC Thursday and I'm Christal, the Founder of

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在離開一段糟糕的關係之前,你需要知道的5件事。 (The 5 Things You Need to Know Before Leaving a Bad Relationship)

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