Today is a monumental moment.

今天是值得紀念的一刻

Why, why, why you ask?

為什麼？為什麼？你問

Because I've teamed up with Coke

因為我和可口可樂聯手

to have one of my fans in this skit

讓我的一個粉絲首次在

for the first time ever and I'm so excited.

我的影片中演出，而我非常地興奮

Let me introduce you to (drumrolling)

讓我和您介紹 (連續擊鼓聲)

Caitlyn!

凱特琳！

- Hi.

－嗨！

- And we're gonna make you laugh.

－我們將讓你開懷大笑

High five.

擊掌

Gonna make you laugh so hard,

會讓你笑到肚子痛，

Caitlyn and I.

我和凱特琳

(chatter on tv)

(電視上喋喋不休的聲音)

- Oh, Paramjeet?

－哦，Paramjeet？

- No!

－不要！

No, no, don't talk to me, okay?

不，不要，不要和我說話好嗎？

- What the bloody hell happened?

－到底發生了什麼事？

You eat one hurricane?

妳是吃了一整個颶風嗎？

- You so bloody lazy, okay?

－你有夠懶惰的好嗎？

Can't you see I'm doing everything, huh?

你沒看到我在做所有的事情嗎，蛤？

You all day tv, newspaper, sleeping.

你只會整天看電視、報紙、睡覺

You so bloody useless.

你有夠沒用的

- Okay, I help you.

－好啊，我來幫忙你

Tell me, what do you need help with?

告訴我，妳需要我幫什麼？

- (mocking) Oh, what do you need help with?

－(模仿) 哦，妳需要我幫什麼？

Entire trip, you don't help me packing.

整個旅程，你完全沒幫忙打包

- Then why you no ask for help?

－那妳幹嘛不叫我幫忙？

- Huh?

－蛤？

What you say to me?

你在說什麼？

Why I don't ask?

我為什麼不要求？

Why I have to ask, huh?

為什麼我要，蛤？

You ask me make you dinner?

你有要求我煮晚餐嗎？

You ask me make you tea?

你有要求我泡茶嗎？

No, I just do because I know.

沒有，我就是去做因為我知道

Do I ask please annoy me?

我有要求你來惹我嗎？

Do I ask please be useless?

我有要求你那麼沒用嗎？

No, you do on your own.

沒有，但是你就是這麼做了

- Okay, I'm going to pack, look.

－好，我來打包，你看著

Okay, where is suitcase?

好，行李箱在哪裡？

I'm packing.

我在打包了

- Dumb head.

－笨蛋

You think everything happen by magic, okay?

你以為每件事都像魔術一樣的發生嗎？

(mocking) Look at me, I want to go trip, okay.

(模仿) 看，我想去旅行，好

I'm going to pack,

我要來打包了，

and then this over here, this pant,

然後這件褲子

going to fly magically.

就會魔法似地飛起來

Ohh, I'm flying magic pant and pack for you

哦，我是一件飛行魔法褲而且會自動替你打包

because you bloody king?

你以為你是國王嗎？

- You being very mean right now, okay?

－妳現在很壞，好嗎？

- No, no, wait one second, more flying.

－不，不，等等，又一件飛過來了

(cawing)

(鴉叫聲)

- You scary okay, you very scary.

－妳很可怕耶，妳非常地可怕

You looking like dinosaur from Jurassic movie, okay?

妳看起來像是從侏羅紀公園出來的恐龍

Just like (hisses).

像這樣 (發出嘶嘶聲)

Big one (roars).

大隻的 (吼聲)

- I don't know why I bloody married you, okay.

－我不知道我是為什麼嫁給你，好嗎

I wish when my mommy and daddy

我希望當時我父母

come to my room telling me they have news,

進來我房間告訴我的消息是說

they say "Paramjeet, you have been

「Paramjeet，妳被

selected for Hunger Games" .

飢餓遊戲選上了」

This would have been better news than marrying you.

這個消息會遠遠比嫁給你來得好

(roaring)

(吼聲)

Stop it.

停止

(roaring)

(吼聲)

Stop this one.

給我停下來

- You so mean, okay.

－妳很壞好嗎

You know every time you speak,

妳知道每次妳一開口，

one smiley emoji die.

一個微笑的表情符號就死了

- Shut up, okay?

－閉嘴

- Hey, what'd you say?

－嘿，妳說什麼？

Oh, smiley emoji die.

哦，微笑表情符號死了

(imitating stabbing flesh) Ahhh.

(模仿刺入肉體) 啊啊啊

- Okay, okay.

－好啊，好啊

You can't bloody survive without me, okay?

你沒有我根本就無法活下去好嗎？

What you gonna do?

你要怎樣？

You gonna walk up to stove with one dollar,

拿著一塊錢走到爐子前，

say "Uh, hello stove, please make me one roti.

說「呃，爐子你好，請幫我做一個印度煎餅」

"Where I put money, huh?"

「錢要放哪裡呢，蛤？」

- Okay, that happened one time.

－那只發生過一次好嗎

- You think you so bloody cool.

－你以為你很酷是吧

- Hey, I am cool, I am.

－嘿，我很酷啊

Look at my face, I'm looking 25, okay?

看我的臉，我看起來像只有 25 歲好嗎？

You looking 85, grandma, okay?

妳看起來像 85 歲的老奶奶

I'm in shower, I see all your gray hairs.

我在洗澡時，到處都看到妳的白髮

- My gray hair?

－我的白髮？

You know how many your

你知道我在浴室裡

dirty hair I find in shower, huh?

發現多少你的髒毛髮，蛤？

You're so bloody hairy.

你的毛超多的

Your chest looking like Marge Simpson head.

你的胸部看起來就像美枝辛普森的頭

- Your mouth so dirty, okay.

－妳的嘴很髒耶

I'm going to put in washing machine.

我要把妳的嘴放進洗衣機裡

- Ah, look at him pretending like he know

－啊，看他一副知道

how to use washing machine.

怎麼用洗衣機一樣

What you gonna do?

你要怎樣？

Put the dirty clothes in washer

把髒衣服放進洗衣機裡

and then instead of soap, you going to put

然後把掃帚放進去

a bloody broom, okay.

而不是放洗衣粉

Okay, clean my clothes, thank you.

好的，幫我洗衣服，謝謝

- You know what, I am very lucky guy.

－妳知道嗎，我是個非常幸運的人

Look at me everyone, I'm lucky guy.

大家看我，我是個幸運的人

I never have to waste money on Netflix, okay,

我從來都不需要浪費錢在 Netflix 上，好嗎

because my entire life, drama.

因為我整個人生就是一場戲

That's right, featuring Manjeet Singh

沒錯，由 Manjeet Singh

and my wife, Ursula.

和我的太太，Ursula 主演

- Okay, you acting like you're going

－好啊，你一副像是你要

to buy something, huh?

買東西的樣子，蛤？

You're so bloody cheap.

你小氣得要死

It's so hot outside.

外面的天氣有多熱

Look, I'm sweating.

看，我在流汗

I'm sweating so hard,

我汗流浹背，

I say Manjeet, please,

我說 Manjeet，拜託，

buy one new fan, what do you do?

買個新的風扇，結果呢？

You put a glass of ice beside hair dryer.

你放了一杯冰塊在吹風機的旁邊

- But it worked, right?

－不過那有效啊，不是嗎？

It worked.

那有效

Listen, I am not cheap, okay?

聽好了，我不小氣，好嗎？

I am smart, I am beating the system.

我很聰明，我打破傳統的方法

Maybe you won't be so hot if you maybe

如果妳甩掉這裡的一片比薩，

got rid of this piece of pizza right here, okay?

妳就不會覺得那麼熱了好嗎？

- Oy, pizza delivery man only man

－哦，比薩外送員是目前唯一

delivering me something hot these days, okay?

送給我「火辣」東西的人了

- That's mean, okay?

－妳很壞妳知道嗎？

- Mmm.

－嗯

- I am not hot?

－我不性感嗎？

I am not hot?

我不性感嗎？

I am so bloody hot.

我非常性感

You know, other day I go doctor,

妳知道嗎，前幾天我去看醫生，

and he say "Oh my God, you have fever."

醫生說「哦我的天啊，你發燒了」

I say "No, no, I was born this way."

我說「沒有，不是，我天生如此」

(doorbell rings)

(電鈴聲響)

- Get lost, get going to the door!

－走開，去應門

Maybe it's animal control, okay.

或許是動物檢疫人員

Going to take you back to zoo.

要把你帶回去動物園

- Okay, maybe it's police coming for you, huh?

－是嗎，或許是警察來抓妳了？

Because they heard you murdering

因為他們聽說妳謀殺了

all the rainbows in the world.

世界上所有的美好事物

Yes, hello.

哈囉

- Hi. (muttering in the distance)

－嗨 (遠方抱怨的聲音)

- Paramjeet, one second, we have guests!

－Paramjeet，等一下，有客人來了！

Huh?

蛤？

(muttering) - I was just wondering if you

(抱怨聲)－我只是在想你能不能夠

- Why can't you cut the crazy one second, okay?

－妳為什麼不能停止瘋狂一秒鐘啊？

What do you want?

妳要什麼？

- Um. - [Dad] Wrong number, no.

－嗯 －[爸爸] 找錯人了嗎？

(muttering in background) - I'm just wondering if

(背景的抱怨聲)－我只是想知道

- Huh?

－蛤？

Oh my (shushing).

哦老天 (噓)

- If you wanna donate

－你願意捐贈

- donate?

－捐贈？

(loud muttering in background)

(背景大聲的抱怨聲)

You donate to me, huh?

你捐贈給我嗎？

- Who was there?

－是誰？

- It was one little girl.

－是個小女生

I told her run really fast

我叫她快跑

there's crazy lady here who eat little girls.

因為這裡有個瘋女人會吃小女孩

- Huh?

－蛤？

Your mother here?

你的媽媽在這裡嗎？

- Hey, don't talk about my mother, okay?

－嘿，不要扯到我的媽媽喔

My mother very nice.

我媽媽是非常好的人

She very nice to little girls.

她對小女生非常和善

- Yes, you right, you right.

－是啊，你是對的，你是對的

That's why she raised such nice little girl right here.

就是這樣她才會養出你這個這麼好的小女孩

- I am not girl, okay?

－我不是個女孩好嗎？

I am man, look at this muscle.

我是個男人，看看這肌肉

Look at this muscle.

看看這肌肉

- Look at your muscles?

－看你的肌肉？

Look, you have muscles?

你有肌肉嗎？

You crying during Game of Thrones.

你在看權力遊戲時還哭了呢

- Hey, you don't start this one, okay?

－嘿，你不要開始說這個喔

He was my favorite character, okay?

他是我最喜歡的角色，好嗎？

That's right.

沒錯

He was my brother, I loved him!

他是我的兄弟，我愛他！

(weeping mockingly)

(模仿哭泣)

These are real people!

這些是真的人！

They can't do like this!

他們不能這麼做！

(bawling mockingly)

(模仿嚎啕大哭)

- Oh my god, what is going on in here?

－噢老天，發生什麼事情了？

- She mean.

－她很壞

- He dumb.

－他很笨

- She selfish.

－她自私

- He's so annoying.

－他非常討人厭

- Okay, Dad, stop being annoying, man.

－爸，你可以不要那麼煩人嗎？

- Oy, what you say to me?

－哦，妳對我說什麼？

- I said "Stop being annoying"

－我說「不要那麼煩人」

because Mom said,

因為媽說，

Mom just said that and so I said it to you

媽剛才那麼說所以我就這樣對你說了

because Mom said it.

因為媽這麼說的

- You see how she speak to me?

－妳看到她怎麼對我說話的嗎？

- No respect.

－沒有一點尊重

- What?

－什麼？

- This house

－這個屋簷下

- I can't believe my daughter

－我不敢相信我的女兒

talking to her daddy like this, okay?

和她的老爸這樣講話

You know how hard he work?

妳知道他多認真工作嗎？

- She just - [Dad] Huh?

－她只是－[爸爸] 蛤？

- When he buy you everything,

－他買給妳所有的東西，

then he find out, now he annoying for you.

然後發現妳現在覺得他很討厭

- [Dad] It's bloody shameful, okay?

－[爸爸] 真是太丟臉了好嗎？

- But you were both just

－不過你們剛才都

- [Dad] You see because she always listening rap music.

－[爸爸] 妳看就是因為她平時總是在聽饒舌音樂

Where she learn this from?

她從哪裡學來的？

- Is this how we raise you, huh?

－這是我們教導妳的方式嗎，蛤？

- [Dad] You very bad girl. - But

－[爸爸] 妳這個壞女孩－不過

- [Dad] Why can't we all just get along, huh?

－[爸爸] 我們大家為什麼不能好好相處？

- What?

－什麼？

Yo, hope you enjoyed that video.

希望你們喜歡這支影片

Huge, huge, huge shout out to Coke

大大地、大大地、大大地感謝可口可樂

for allowing me to do a skit with one of my fans.

讓我和我的粉絲一起合作這個影片

You're super cool.

你們實在是太酷了

Didn't Caitlyn kill it?

凱特琳很棒吧？

She killed it.

她幹得好！

Kablam-o!

酷！

You're so good, I'm so proud of you.

妳好棒，我為你感到驕傲

Make sure to check out my last video.

一定要記得看我上一部影片

It's right there so click it.

就在這裡所以點擊它吧

You can also check out my vlogs

你也可以看看我的影音部落格

which are right over there.

就在這邊

Most importantly, make sure you subscribe

最重要的是，你一定要訂閱我的頻道

because I make new videos

因為我在每個禮拜一和禮拜四

every Monday and Thursday.

都會錄製新的影片

You know what I'm talking about, right?

你知道我在說什麼吧？

- I know what you talking about.

－我知道妳在說什麼

- She know what I'm talking about right now.

－她現在知道我在說什麼

And yo, before we go, let's share a Coke

而且，在我們走之前，讓我們來喝瓶可樂

because I have something special,

因為我有特別的東西

are you ready for this?

妳準備好了嗎？

Ready for this, Team Super Coke.

準備好了嗎？專屬超人團隊的可樂

How cool are we?

我們多酷？

We're gonna do this right now.

我們現在要這樣做

Here we go.

來囉

Thank you so much.

非常謝謝妳

You are awesome.

妳很棒

Oh we kinda hit it.

哦，我們稍微敲一下

One love, Superwoman.

One love, Superwoman

That is a wrap.

收工走人囉！