You handed me a pig?

你就這樣遞了一隻豬給我？

(upbeat music)

(輕快配樂)

A producer here wants to make me smile.

我們的製作人試圖想要逗我笑

Good (bleep) luck.

祝他 (消音) 好運

- Oh God, this is like that game I played

噢天啊，我小時候也會玩這種遊戲

as a kid like I love you honey but I just can't smile.

「親愛的，我很愛你但我不能對你笑。」

I smiled once, I hated it.

我有笑出來過一次，恨死那種感覺

I'm already smiling so I don't think

我現在就已經在微笑了，所以

I'm going to be too good at this.

我覺得我應該很不擅長這個挑戰

From here on out I'm about to press

從現在開始我要切換成認真模式

play and I'm not going to smile.

我絕對不會笑出來

(laughing)

(笑出來)

And I'm not going to smile.

我絕對不會笑出來

(light upbeat music)

(輕快配樂)

This is adorable.

實在太可愛了

- I actually feel dirty that I wasn't

不能表現出我現在的心情

able to express those emotions.

讓我覺得我好像很邪惡

Like if they have blue balls for your heart,

如果心臟也有蛋蛋

I've got blue balls of the heart.

我現在的感覺就是「蛋蛋的哀傷」

Very cute, didn't smile.

很可愛，但我沒有笑

Nailed it.

我超強

This better not be a clown.

門後最好不要是小丑

Why did you bring children?

你為什麼要帶小朋友進來？

Hey man, how's it going?

嘿小兄弟，你好嗎？

What's your name?

你叫什麼名字？

Blake.

Blake

Blake, and what's your name?

你叫 Blake ，那妳呢？

Also Blake?

妳也是 Blake ？

Oh man you got me.

噢可惡，你贏了

Remember, I'm not angry I'm just trying not to smile.

你要記住，我沒有在對你生氣，我只是不能笑

How many software engineers does

如果你要裝一顆燈泡

it take to install a light bulb?

你需要幾位軟體工程師幫忙？

One.

一位

- No zero because it's hardware.

不需要任何一位，因為燈泡是硬體

You don't get that one, nope?

你是不是沒聽懂？

Which house is another house?

哪一間房子是別人的房子？

I don't know which house is another house?

我不知道耶

My houses.

我的房子

I don't know what's happening.

我不知道現在是怎麼回事

Has this happened with every person?

每個人都有被這樣嗎？

How's your day?

你今天好嗎？

He just left me.

他就這樣走掉了

Thank you for the hug.

謝謝你的擁抱

That was very nice of you.

你人真好

Of course a kid is going to make me smile.

小孩子當然會逗我笑

I didn't understand his jokes but

就算我聽不懂他的笑話

still wanted to laugh at his jokes.

我還是會想要笑

Eric, I'm expecting more from you man.

Eric，你的能耐不只這樣吧

(Producer) Clark I need you to close

製作人： Clark 請你閉上眼睛

your eyes and put your hands out.

把手伸出來

I will never smile, I have never smiled.

我絕對不會笑出來，也從來沒有笑出來過

Put your hands up a little bit.

把你的手伸出來一點

What is that sound?

那是什麼聲音？

What is this?

這是什麼？

Its little snout is tiny.

牠的小豬鼻好迷你

Can someone hold his face so I can look at his face?

有人可以幫我固定住他的臉讓我看看嗎？

Oh but he's pooping.

喔牠在大便

Where can I scratch?

你要我抓哪裡？

Do you like a butt scratch?

你喜歡我幫你搔搔屁股嗎？

God damn it, Eric.

可惡，Eric

Try to make me, (bleep) you (bleep)

你這個想要逗我 (消音) 的 (消音)

it's (bleep) pooping on me.

牠 (消音)大便在我身上

Of course I'm going to smile. It's adorable.

我當然會笑出來，這太可愛了

Little baby pig that just shat all over my arm.

小豬寶寶就這樣大便在我手臂上

- When I scratched her butt her leg did this thing.

我幫牠搔搔屁股的時候牠腿這樣抬起來

Cute little puppies and then adorable little kids

可愛的小狗、萌萌的小孩抱抱

with hugs, even a little tea cup pig can't get me but,

甚至是一隻茶杯大的迷你豬都沒讓我破功

once something (bleep) in front of me.

可是當牠就這樣在我眼前（消音）

Just laugh, life is too short.

笑就笑吧，人生苦短啊

Come here, come here lady.

來吧，來呀小淑女

Has he pooped on everyone?

牠在其他人身上有大便嗎？

Just me?

只有我？

Eric you got me to smile, you did it, you mad genius.

Eric 你讓我笑出來了，你成功了，你這個邪惡的天才

Nope nope that's not food, there you go.

別吃，那不是食物。這樣才對嘛