So I've been watching just a tiny bit of anime more than usual

嗯....我最近看的動漫比平常多了一點黠

And to be honest I... I did not do my hair...

必須承認我....我沒弄好我的頭髮

You know what?

你知道嗎

Give me one second.

等我一下下哦

(Super Saiyan Activated)

*進化超賽* 啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!

There we go.

那我們繼續吧

Like I said, I've been watching a little bit of anime lately.

如我所說 我最近又多看了一點點動漫

And if you grew up watching anime your whole life like I did, you tend to not care about or even notice all the really weird things that happen in animes.

如果你們和我一樣都是從小就看著動漫長大的話,那些超級不合理的情節你很自然的就不會去質疑, 甚至根本沒去注意

Well, for a while I kinda stopped watching animes, and only recently got back into it.

好吧...我前陣子的確沒再看動漫 也只是最近才重新看動漫

You know, I'm one of those binge-watchers when it comes to shows

你知道的啦~ 我就是那種超級電視兒童

I like to watch a bunch of episodes in a row and then stop for a while so the episodes build up

但我很喜歡一次看非常多集，然後暫停一陣子讓新的累積

So that I can watch a bunch again

然後我又可以一次看好幾集啦!

I dunno, it's just upsetting to me

反正我就是不喜歡"追"著看嘛~

You know, it really pisses me off

就是非常討厭那種 總是在緊急關頭就沒了! ! ! 還要乖乖坐在那等 整 個 星 期才有後續

They always end on a cliffhanger and then make you want to know what's going to happen next, but you can't know until a week from now.

但 更 令 人 抓 狂 的 是 當你乖乖的等了整個星期,

And you know what's even more upsetting with animes is when you wait the whole week for an episode

終於等到新的一集推出，結果那集卻是...

and you finally tune in and it's time to watch the new episode and it turns out that that episode is a...

我敢說呀...

Dare I say it...

*動漫式認真*

A filler.

就是在拖劇情

(Gasps) :O

*動漫式出場* 啊?! 呀!? 哎?! 阿!?

What are you guys doing in here?

你們在這幹嘛...?

Vlog is taking too long.

SEAN: 你的影片拖太久了

Seriously.

WILL: 真的

You complain about fillers, and this is literally turning into one

DAINA: 你說別人在拖劇情 啊你還不是一樣

Yeah, so get to the point already!

PACO: 進重點好嗎

okay, um...

好吧.... . .. .... ... ... . . . .. . . ... .. ... . ..

Welcome to the (stutters) h-how to... how to be.. anime stuff. (poor Ryan)

今天....我要教大家如何搞動漫那些東東...

Welcome to how to be an anime superhero!

【如何成為動漫英雄】

(breath in) let's-

今天讓我來教大家如何成為動漫英雄!

(finger snaps)

讓我們...

Let's get started!

*噠*

Lesson 1: The Characters

*進入二次元世界*

The first step in being an anime superhero is to know the different characters.

讓我們正式開始吧!

All anime have very similar characters to one another.

第一課:角色設定

First off, there's the main character who's either really cool and super strong or...

要設計出一名動漫英雄就先要 設定好角色們的不同性格

He's really goofy and funny, and deceptively strong.

大多動漫的角色都差不多

Then there's the main supporting character!

首先, 我們的主角有兩大類 要麼冷酷而強

Who's either the main characters best friend or the main character's rival.

要麼就是天然傻但出乎意料地強

And this supporting character is based off of the main character

接著就是一旁的輔助角色啦! (次要角色)

He is literally the opposite of what the main character is.

是主角的朋友 啊不然就是敵人

If the main character is cool, then this guy is goofy...

而這些輔助角色的設定依主角而定

And if the main character is goofy, then this guy is cool.

性格基本上跟主角完全相反就對了

After that we have another main supporting character known as the attractive, but abusive girl.

主角酷酷的 , 他就傻傻的

Which for some reason always abuses one of the other main characters

主角傻傻的 ，他就酷酷的

Whoever's playing the goofy one.

接著是另一個輔助角色，通常是個很漂亮但很暴力的女生

Also, there might be a random, talking pet that follows the gang around as well. (TEDDY!!!!)

因為奇觀的原因總是對其中一個角色施暴

And that's pretty much your group of main characters.

就是傻傻的那個

Of course there's also the less-er important characters as well.

然後也有可能會有一兩隻 會說話的寵物在主角群當中

Such as...

主角群就差不多到此了

The perverted old guy character.

當然還有一些不太重要的角色

The cute girl who always talks while she smiles with her eyes closed.

就像是...

The guy who is animated differently from the others for some reason.

變態阿伯

The chubby guy that's always eating.

永遠一邊講話一邊閉著眼笑的可愛女孩

OR... The really skinny girl that eats like the chubby guy

她畫風跟其他不太一樣

And so on

吃不停的胖子

But in all honesty you don't really need to know anything about those characters,

也或者... 可以是一個食量非常非常非常大 卻又不會變胖的女孩

Because they're not as important in the story line.

諸如此類

Even though you probably will eventually learn everything about them

不過... 老實說吧 你根本不須要對這些小角色作理解

Because of the DAM FILLERS.

因為他們對劇情的發展 沒什麼作用

Lesson 2: Anime Emotions

就算你可能會慢慢知道他們的過去與身世

Now that you know all the anime characters

編劇也只是拿他們來拖劇情罷了

It's time to act like one

第二課: 動漫式表情與反應

Here are some very basic anime emotions that all anime superheroes need to use such as...

現在你已經知道如何設定角色

The Cheek Blush

也是時候來設計一下 他們的言行舉止啦

The cheek blush is basically for whenever your love interest enters the room

以下是動漫英雄們一定會使用到的基本情緒

(SEAN XD)

【臉紅】

The hands over head laugh.

通常你喜歡的人出現時 就會用到臉紅

For any nervous situations, or trying to hide a secret of some sort

*Sean臉紅*

You use the hands over head laugh.

【墊著後腦仰天大笑】

The thumbs up, shiny teeth ding.

每當遇上尷尬情況或想隱瞞某些事時

*DING!!!!!!!*

這樣怪笑就對了

The eye pull, tongue diss.

【大拇指與亮晶晶牙齒】

BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*叮!!!*

The wide mouth stutter

【超誇張鬼臉】

And of course

【下巴掉下來】

You cannot forget the classics:

當然

The nose bleed

還有最最最經典的

Whenever a man, specifically an old man sees something even the tiniest bit sexual, for some reason, he has a TINY little nose bleed.

【噴鼻血】

Oh.. I'm so sorry, let me get that

當男生，尤其是阿伯看到一點點性感的畫面時... 嘛...就會流 那 麼 一 點 的鼻血

That's alright, don't worry about it.

喔...抱歉 我來幫你擦乾~

Oh, your bag.

沒關係啦~

Thank you.

你的袋子

You're welcome.

謝謝你哦

I love your lipstick

不用謝啦~

Thank you

你口紅顏色很漂亮耶!!!!

It's so cute on you. Let me try.

是嗎?!

Oh ok.

我試用一下可以嗎?

(Really, Derrick. REALLY?)

當然可以呀~

(Yea. TINY nose bleed.)

第三課: 動漫式戰鬥

Lesson 3: Battling.

眾多經典動漫之中都少不免會有戰鬥場面

Every good anime has some kind of battle in it.

有時是真的戰鬥，有時是超自然式戰鬥

Whether it's actual fighting, or supernatural fighting,

甚至有些根本不是戰鬥

Sometimes it's not even fighting at all.

不管是什麼類型的戰鬥 神奇的編劇們都總會讓他們變成"動漫式戰鬥"

Regardless, there's always some kind of battle, and in order to make it an anime battle,

有些公式你需要遵守

You have to follow a specific set of rules

簡單舉個例子

For example,

你在現實跟別人打架只想快點赢

In most real fights, you want to win as fast as possible

但在動漫中卻是相反的

But in animes, the opposite.

戰鬥越長越好 你只要在打鬥中不斷跟對手聊天就可以了

You want to prolong the fight for as long as you can by talking to your opponent, the entire time.

就算在戰鬥中也一樣

Even, right in the middle of the fight

等等等等等!!!!

Wait! Jeez man

幹嘛呀?

What?

至少給我一點時間讓我說些"嘩 你比我想像中還要強"之類的話呀!

Can we at least take a moment so I can say something like: "Wow, you're a lot stronger than I thought you were" or something

我...我...那...好好好好好吧._.

I-, I- guess...

很好

K.

非常好

Well...

*痛苦中* 你...你真的比我想像中還要強很多呢......

(In pain) You're.. a lot stronger than I thought you were...

*不滿* 嘿?

Hello?

又幹嘛啦

What?

你聽完我說就要回話呀!!!!!

Don't you have something to say back to me? like...

嗯.....喔...

Uh.... Oh! uh...

謝..了.....?

Thank. You?

*嘆氣*

*sigh*

而另一條規則就是 動漫英雄打鬥時永遠要輪流

Another very important rule for battling like an anime hero is to take turns.

對...

Yea.

現實中你只會想赢並一直佔上風

In a real fight you might want to dominate the entire fight and just win right away

但動漫是打鬥你跟你的敵人必須要輪流佔上風

But in a anime battle, you and your opponent need to take turns having the upper hand.

最最最重要的, 當你們在拉鋸時一定要很大聲的想事情 這樣觀眾才會知道誰現在佔上風

And also very important when you guys are doing the back and forth, make sure that you're thinking about it loudly in your head, so that the viewer knows whose winning at the time.

不能讓觀眾搞不懂嘛

Don't want them to be confused.

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!!!!!!!!!!!

(ARGHGHHGHGHAHRHHGAHHRHAHG x Many times)

呀 看來我們也不相上下嘛....

Huh. seems like we're evenly matched

*龍珠的氣功音效繼續*

*More grunting and magic noises

不...他還在變強呀!

No... He's getting even stronger!

看來我快要赢了呢... 啊哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈!!

Yes, it seems I have the upper hand now. HAHAHAHAHA

再這樣下去我就死定了.這次我一定要赢他!!

This way I'll be destroyed. It's now or never!

這傢伙的力量比以前更強了啊!!

His power's even greater than before!

我想是時候再.... *更加用力*

I guess I have to.... *concentration*

他再再變強了! 我也不想用那招...但...... *更更加用力*

He's gotten even stronger! Didn't want to do this, but... (trying so hard)

他太強啦.... 我...我要打敗他!!! *更更更加用力*

So Much Power... I'll... have to... break! (More trying)

什麼?!我以為你已經到極限了呀!!

What? I thought you were already at full strength?

對呀...但現在....等等 所以你聽得到我想什麼?!

I was... but... Wait. What? You can hear my thoughts?

嗯...大概吧._.

I guess I can

那你也聽到我內心的嗎?!

Can you hear mine?

對...還聽得很清楚

Yea... Totally

這超神的!!你以前有試過嗎?

This is crazy, have you done this before?

沒有, 這是第一次呢!

No, this is my first time!

我也是誒~ 我想只有我們兩個才可以互相讀心吧

Same here. I guess we can only read each other's minds.

Ryan : 但為什麼呢? Paco : 可能我們之間有某種關聯吧...

Wonder what that means. Maybe we're related somehow

爆爆爆爆爆爆爆...爆雷呀你!!

SSSHSHSHHH... SPOILER!

第四課: 估狗一下

Lesson 4: Google It.

這課是想成為動漫英雄最重要的一課 尤其像我這類人

Now, this is a very important lesson to being an anime superhero, especially for someone like me.

所有經典的動漫英雄都是說日語的 而如果你跟我一樣也不會說半點日語的話

Every great anime is in Japanese, and if you're just like me, you don't speak a single word of it. (What about konnichiwa?)

就乖乖地去估狗吧~

Hence, lesson 4: Google it.

把你想說的話翻成日語再跟著重複一篇就可以了! ;))

All you have to do is type in what you want to say, listen to what it sounds like and then repeat it back perfectly.

保證百分之百正確

It's 100% accurate every single time.

還是應該這樣說....

Or should I say...

"毎回100％正確です"

毎回100％正確です

Maikai 喲先咕先咕先估爹.......

Maikai no senoifwosinvlrfmclsc desu.

第五課: 製作一集動漫

Lesson 5: Make an episode

最後一課 要成為動漫英雄就要有自己的動漫

The last lesson you need to know to be a true anime superhero, is to make a true anime episode.

當然也有一些守則啦~

Yes, there's rules here as well

動漫中你不可以直接進入主線故事

You can't just jump right into the story, that's not how it works in the anime world.

所以你先要有一首自己的主題曲

First of all, you need an opening theme song.

大概就是日式搖滾 再加入幾句英語

Which pretty much sounds like Japanese Rock Music with the occasional English line in it.

然後再配上動漫裡的一些片段

And you accompany that theme music with a bunch of random scenes from the show.

不管是角色的

Whether it's the characters

或是就是那些人打或踢，或樹或水或其他東西

Or people punching and kicking or trees or water or whatever it is.

反正它不重要

It doesn't really matter

因為觀眾無論如何會直接跳過片頭呀._.

Because this is the point that the viewers are going to skip anyway

接著就是那上集回顧 因為觀眾的記憶跟一個兩歲小孩沒多少差別

Next, you have to recap the previous episode, because we all know, anime watchers have the memory capacity of a 2 year old.

最最最後

And last but not least

你只須要告訴觀眾標題和集數 等觀眾都準備好之後就可以開始這集了.......................................

All you have to do is show the title and the episode number that the viewers are on and you're ready to begin the episode.

嗎?

Right after you recap the recap that the viewer just saw

可不要忘記上集回顧有多長長長長長長......

And there you have it

然後大致上就完成了!!

If you follow all of these lessons and put it all together

如果你把以上幾步都完成了的話

Congratulations, you are an anime superhero.

恭喜你! 你已經成為了一個動漫英雄了!!!!!!

*CELEBRATION*

*慶祝中._.*

And it should look a little something like this...

然後成品大概跟這個差不多...

Teehee!

這是片頭曲