It’s FaceTime grandma.

是 FaceTime ，奶奶

How do I give you a kiss?

我要怎麼跟妳親親？

Grandma, I need some advice.

奶奶，我需要一些建議

Do you need help saving for your 401k?

需要幫你為退休福利計畫存錢嗎？(註：401k 為美國國內之退休福利法條)

English please.

請妳說英文，拜託

I need to get a boy to love me.

我要一個男孩愛上我

What do I do?

我該怎麼做？

Is he cute?

他可愛嗎？

He’s like #goals.

他像是 ＃理想型

Goals?

理想型？

Is he a soccer player?

他是足球隊員嗎？(註： goal 同時指足球比賽中的球門)

I can’t even.

我不敢想像

So what’s his name?

所以他叫什麼名字？

Justin Bieber.

小賈斯汀

Crustin Steeber?

誇飾丁？

No, do you need to get your ears checked?

不，妳需要去檢查耳朵嗎？

I was at a metal concert last night.

我昨晚去聽重金屬演唱會

Rager.

雷鬼

Anyway, grandma what should I do?

不管啦，我該怎麼做，奶奶？

You can take a nice warm bath.

妳可以先去洗熱水澡

Ew, I will get wrinkly like you, Ew.

噁，我會有像妳一樣的皺紋

You could write him a love letter.

妳可以寫情書給他

A letter, what’s that? I’m not George Washington!

情書？那是什麼？我又不是華盛頓喬治！

I once dated George. Great lover.

我跟喬治約過會。超棒的情人

#Gross

＃太慘了

Take him to the disco!

帶他去舞廳

Ah, you’re so extra.

啊，好沒用

Why don’t you take him to bingo and chill?

為何不帶去找樂子？

Like what?

像什麼？

Bingo and chill?

找樂子？

It’s what the cool kids are saying.

這是很酷的小孩都在說的

Help me.

救救我

Get him one of those Fidget Spinners.

送他一個指尖陀螺

Or not.

先不要

Oh fine!

好啦

Just slide into his DMs

直接跟他私聊

What should I say?

我該說啥？

Hey baby, you better call Life Alert.

嘿寶貝，你最好叫救護車

Because I’ve fallen for you.

因為我被你迷倒了

And I can’t get up.

現在起不來

If this doesn’t work.

如果這不管用

I’m checking into a nursing home.

我馬上去住療養院

I’m out grandma. I gotta to go work.

奶奶，我要走了。我還得工作

See you girl.

再見啦

How do I turn this off?

我要怎麼關掉這個啊？