OH MY GOD

♫因為我有一張金票♫

♫ Because I've got a golden ticket ♫

我的天阿

Oh my God

♫我的眼前充滿著閃爍♫

♫ I've got a golden twinkle in my eye ♫

今天，我非常的興奮

Today I am so excited

♫因為我有一張金票♫

♫ I've got a golden ticket ♫

呃...任天堂給了我這個難得的機會

Uh.. Nintendo has given me this unique opportunity

玩薩爾達的新版遊戲

Uh to play the new Zelda game

這個消息我是從宮本茂那得知

I got this tweet from Shigeru Miyamoto

“YO PewDiePie 好愛你屌炸天的影片，

"Yo PewDiePie love your bomb ass video,

幾乎就像我愛可樂和女人“

almost as much as I love cocaine and women"

“這是薩爾達最新版本的遊戲，希望你喜歡它”

"here's the latest build of the Zelda game I hope you like it"

你們知道我

You guys know me

我是薩爾達的超級鐵粉！

I am the biggest Legend of Zelda fan, EVER!

就像你在YouTube上看到其他薩爾達的粉絲，他媽的

like if you watch other Zelda fans on YouTube, Fuck 'em

所以我很期待玩薩爾達的最新遊戲

so im so excited to play the NEW Legend of Zelda game

我一直在等

I've been waiting for this

我的天啊，它看起來

Oh My God, it looks

來哦，天啊

here we go, oh my god

這，這是，這是薩爾達遊戲 可是這是商標

it's a, it's a, it's a Zelda game coz it's trade marked

*低音量播放*

*low quality music plays*

主頁的背景音樂選得真好啊

really good choice of menu music

* 音量開到最大*

*MUSIC INTENSIFIES*

OOOOOHHHH

o o o ooooo oohhh

(女) 但父親你到底是發生什麼事情了

*girl* But father what it something happens to you

(父) 我要用三角標的勇氣來保護我

*dad* I will take the triforce of courage to protect me

(父) 如果你一個月都沒聽到我的消息，派Link

*dad* if you don't hear from me in a month, send Link

噗哧

*PewDiePie* Laughs

(Link) 噢天啊，我好...

*Link* oh boy I'm so ...

(pewdiepie) 我的天阿，Link，那是口紅嗎

*pewdiepie* Oh My God, Link, is he wearing lipstick

是屁眼嗎

is that a butt hole

是Link的屁眼

that's Links butt hole

(遊戲教學) 首先移動地圖上的三角標來選一個位置

*narrator* first move the triforce to pick a place on the map

殺小...

what the ...

(遊戲教學) 然後按下1鍵

*narrator* then press button 1

我會在一瞬間飛到那裡

I'll fly there in a flash

噢，她，蛤薩爾達現在會飛了！？

shh, well she, oh Zelda can fly now!?

這才是真正的任天

this is the real Ninten-

(遊戲教學) 移動控制器來使我向左或向右

*narrator* move the controller to move me left or right

好的

Great

(遊戲教學) 按上讓我跳躍

*narrator* up and over makes me leap

哪個按鈕可以讓你自殺

where's the button to kill yourself

(遊戲教學) 幸運的是我帶了我的智能劍

*narrator* luckily i brought my smart sword

它不會傷害任何好人

it won't hurt anyone friendly

(pewdiepie) 智能劍是什麼iPhone，什麼他媽的

*pewdiepie* smart sword what is this an iPhone, what the fuck

(老人) 當然，我就在你身邊

*old man* course I'm on your side

(嚇)

WOW

(老人) 但我還是要賣一些東西

*old man* but I still have to sell the stuff

好了，現在我們知道要怎麼玩

alright now we know how to play

天啊

Oh God

*更低音量播放*

*more low quality music plays*

這音樂

the music

我好愛

I love it

它超棒的

It's the best

恩開始吧 開始遊戲跟新遊戲有什麼差別

err lets do, what's the difference between start game and new game

好的

ok

新遊戲

new game please

好，痾 我們去阿魯阿伊努

ok, ahh how about we go to Aru Ainu

嘿，我們在非洲耶

Hey we are in Africa *laughs*

怎麼了?

What happened?

他們真的塞了任天堂的顯卡耶

they really stuffed up the graphics on the Nintendo Switch

我的天阿這

OH MY GOD its...

這獅子，隨便啦

The lion king character, What ever

這解析度難以置信，這框好讚

The resolution is incredible, the frame rate is so smooth

這有凡於其他遊戲的經歷

This is unlike any gaming experience

我從未經歷過的

I have ever experienced

你們知道我一直都是實話實說

And you know I always give you honest reviews

就像

Like what I..

如果我不喜歡的東西，我會，我一定會告訴你們

If I don't like something, I'll tell, I'll be sure to tell you guys

我會是第一個說出來的

I'll be the first one to say it

痾，眾所皆知的，這影片是任天堂贊助的

ahh, also full disclosure this is a sponsored video by Nintendo

他們為這影片付了很多，很多的錢

they are paying for this review, A lot-a lot of money

當我向他們提出給我遊戲的時候

When I asked them to send me a switch

他們不但

They did not just

沒有任何回應

Not reply at all

還叫我他媽的滾

and tell me to fuck off-

這裡他媽的發生什麼事

What the fuck happened there

我的左耳真的，很享受

My left ear is uh - really enjoying..

這個

This.

這很棒

This is great

這有一點，哦，噢，媽的

It's a bit- Oh, oh shit!

我的天阿

Oh my god

我的天阿

Oh my god

它沒死

It didn't die.

很好

Great

我總是愛任天堂一直創新-，又發表了新的

I always love how Nintendo always innovates-, comes up with new

你知道他們不把圖像擺第一，不是圖像 (明顯的諷刺）

Y'know they don't put graphics first, it's not about the graphics (obvious sarcasm)

是關於遊戲的玩法

It's about the gameplay

它一直對遊戲的玩法

It's always been about the gameplay

讓我們遠離這，痾，好

*low quality sword swing noise*

現在，我們可以來這裡？

Let's run away from these- oh ok

太棒了

Now we can go here?

嘿，是，是奶拿

Excellent.

奶奶

Hey(a), it's granna.

我把她殺了

Granny

哇，蠻好的

I killed her.

是怎樣

Wow, that was fun.

(女人) 哈囉心肝，噢，等一下。”

*dying hyena*

我喜歡她的笑容

*more LQ sword slashing*

哈哈 那毯子讓她這麼開心

what's happening

我現在可以射毛毯了感謝奶奶！

Woman: "Hello Deary, oh just a minute."

她給了我毛毯劍

*woman speaks russian or some shit i dont speak cyka blyat*

我現在用劍來射毛毯

I love her smile

我愛薩爾達傳說 這是我最喜歡的遊戲了

*Laughs* She's so happy about the blanket

好了，這裡我們結束了

*LQ sword slashing*

我們這邊結束了，我們有毛毯劍

Woah

現在，我們要去東京鐵塔

I can shoot blankets now thanks to Granny!

不，實際上我們是要去

She gave me the blanket sword

呃，坂戶

I shoot blankets now through my sword

射毛毯

I love Legend of Zelda it's my favourite game

防禦

Okay we are done here

來阿 恐龍老鼠

We are done here we have the blanket sword

防禦

Now, we can go to Tokyo Tower

射毛毯

No, actually we're gonna go to uh

幹

uh. Sakado

這次你不會成功的

Shoot the blankets

他媽的恐龍

Block it

為什麼我不能射毛毯

Bring it, dinosaur rat

阿有了

Block it

太好了

Shoot the blanket

真是太好玩了

Fuck.

嘿，是克里斯托弗·勞埃德！

You're not gonna get me this time

感謝分享，克里斯托弗

Fucking dinosaurs

(老人) 抱歉，薩爾達

Why am I not shooting blankets

盧幣不夠

There it is!

這角色他媽的手勢是

Excellent.

就像

Having a lot of fun.

千年

Hey, it's Christopher Lloyd!

殺阿阿阿

Thanks for sharing, Christopher

(老人) 你必須消滅一些敵人才可以得到更多

Woman: "Sorry, Zelda."

好，現在我們有繩子，有燈籠

*cash cash get bitches money sound effect*

然後離開這裡

"Not enough rupees."

噢，你只需要觀賞這浩瀚無垠的薩爾達世界

What is with the fucking character movements

恩這遊戲

It's like

痾

*dick up ass*

它啟發了我

OF COUUURRRRSEEE *laughs*

是真的 它真的啟發了我

"You'll have to wipe out a few more enemies to get that."

現在去 kobitan吧

Ok, now we got the rope, we got the lantern

這傢伙在幹嘛阿

Let's get out of here

啥

Oh man, you just have to appreciate the vastness of the universe in the Legend of Zelda

你就直接忽略我嗎

uhhh gameplay

給我回來小子

its uh

他要去哪阿

it - it inspires me

噢

it really does, it really does inspire me-

幹

Let's go to kobitan

接毛毯吧

How is this guy doin'

幹，好的

Wha-

這不太好

You're just going to ignore me like that?

好我們進來這吧

Come back here boi

老實說 我想這應該是薩爾達最好的

Where's he going

每個人都一直在談時之笛

Oh!

很經典，不會再變更好了

Fuck

我不想說這麼快，你知道

Take blankets!

我才玩幾分鐘而已，但是我真的很想

Fuck, okay

媽的

This is bad

我覺得這個很有潛力

Aight let's go in here

我認為就像我說的我們有一個新的冠軍

Honestly I think this might be one of the best Zeldas out there

這來自什麼他媽的

Everyone keeps talking about the Ocarina of Time like it's

他媽的地獄阿

a classic, it's never gonna get better

好的

I don't wanna say it too soon, y'know

噢！嘿

I've only been playing for a few minutes but I really do think

我不知道薩爾達這裡

Shit

做得相當不錯耶

I think this one has potential

看起來薩爾達吃得真的不是很好

I think we have a new champion, is what I'm saying

我得說 我真的喜歡她

What the fuck, where-

他們用了藝術指導

Fucking demon from hell

好，所以現在我們可以從這裡進去

Okay

跟這， 嘿，你好嗎？

Ooh! Hey

“這些該死的敵人吃掉了一切”

I didn't realise how thick Zelda was

“我願意為牛排付出一切！”

Doin' pretty well here.

皮克斯

Zelda looks like she ate something really bad

皮克斯需要聘請動畫師

I gotta say, I really like her

這是新一代的動畫

the art direction they went with

看看他們的臉，他們的表情

Cool so now we can go in here and uh

嘿，那是瑞典國旗？

Talk to this- Hey, how ya doin'?

最後，宮本茂，你這小壞蛋

"Those darn enemies have eaten everything"

你為我放了一些小心機進去

"I'd give anything for a steak!"

謝謝

Pixar

非常感謝

Pixar needs to hire the animators

謝謝您的好意

this is the new generation of animation

太好了，現在我想我們去Abitaru

look at their faces, their expressions

在他媽的沙漠

Hey, Is That The Swedish Flag?

我何時要扮演Link?我

Finally! Hey Shigeru Miyamoto, you crazy bastard,

我不，我不知道

You put that little reference in there for me

Link很忙

Thank you

他媽的

Thank you so much

走吧

That's very kind of you

太好了，該死的蚊子

Great, I guess now we go to Abitaru

很好(嘆氣

The fucking desert

再次玩薩爾達傳奇真的好棒

When do I play as Link? I-

這真的讓我想起為什麼我愛電子遊戲

I don't, I don't know

和為什麼

Link is busy

任天堂總是給我帶來驚喜與

Fucking

他們的創新

There we go

有些人會批評他們，說他們太努力

Great, fuckin' mosquitoes

創新

Great. *exhaling pure depression*

我，我說，痾

It feels so good to play a Legend of Zelda game again

我說他們是酸民

It really reminds me of why I love video games

噁心的酸民

and why

他們根本就不懂

*autistic moment*

薩爾達就像我一樣

Nintendo always seizes to amaze me with

沒有人懂薩爾達

their innovation

我們進來這，看起來不錯

Some would criticise them and say they're trying too hard

靠杯 是螃蟹

to innovate and

很好

I, I say, uhh

很高興我們做到了

I say they are haters

螃蟹可以被殺死?

Disgusting haters.

是的，可以

And they don't understand

太棒了

Zelda like I do

我們殺死螃蟹了各位，重複

No one understands Zelda

螃蟹死了

Let's go in here that seems great

不

HOLYSHIT it's a crab

噢，媽的，我可以從這走過去

Great

噢他媽的

Glad we did that

拜託

Can the crab be killed?

跳起來

Yes it can

好，跳起來

Excellent.

去你的

We killed the crab everyone. I repeat,

滾啦

The crab is dead

他們一直來

*swedish man laughs*

跳

No

不可能

Oh shit I can walk up here

跳躍是不可能的

Oh for fuck's sake

我可以肯定看到自己花6000小時在這遊戲上

*releases nut, yelling*

我真的想讓所有的角色發揮他們最大的限度

Please

完成所有的支線任務

Make this jump

當然，再支付困難模式以後

Okay, make this jump

在DLC

For fuck's sake

我真的很期待

Fuck off

要付一些該是免費的東西

They keep comin'

YES!!!!!

Jump

太棒了!!!

It's impossible

(女) 幹得漂亮！

The jump is impossible

(女) 來，喝一杯！

I can definitely see myself sinking 6,000 hours into this game

(薩爾達) 謝謝

I really wanna max out all the characters,

是啊，我跳過了那該死的

Do all the sidequests,

謝謝！

and of course, pay for the hard mode later on

天殺的

the DLC

現在，如果我的理論是正確的，我們需要炸掉這個炸彈

I really look forward

我的意思是，石頭

to pay for something that should just be free

我們該怎麼做

YES!

太棒了

HELLYE

現在，走吧

Woman: "Nice job over the pit!"

好，我們還有一次機會

"Here, have a drink!"

毫無作用

Zelda: "Thanks."

毫無作用(哭)

Yeah, I jumped over that fucking shit

(男) 可憐可憐我吧

"Thanks!"

(國王) 你擦完所有的地板後，我們在談論慈悲

JESUS

所以，當你玩遊戲的時候

Now if my theory is correct, we need to blow up this bomb

你還會納悶，Link到底發生什麼事了

I mean, rock

(Link) 發生什麼事了

How do we do that

(噗哧)

Excellent

發生什麼事

Now, go

耶穌基督

Great, we have one more chance

要知道，這可能是個偏見的評論，因為

It didn't do anything

我是薩爾達的超級粉絲

It didn't do anythign *sobs in swedish*

就是這個

Man: "Have mercy!"

出去然後買

King: "After you've scrubbed all the floors in Hyrule, then we can talk about mercy"

任天堂現在

So, when you beat the game

這遊戲是永遠不會改變的

You kinda wonder, what happened to Link

真是令人難以置信

Link: "What happened?"

很驚人的

*swedish man's last breath (colourised, 1940)*

現在，不好意思，我必須離開，因為我想死

*distorted yelling* What happened?

我想死得很難看

*Laughing*

這是什麼，我剛才看見我唯一的出路

Jesus Christ

所以，我會看到你在呃

You know, this may be a biased review because

不

I am such a huge Legend of Zelda fan

但這裡的另一個頻道總之

This is it

痾看一下，如果你喜歡

Go out and buy

再次感謝任天堂讓我玩這遊戲

The Nintendo switch right now

真的很感激，非常感謝你們

It's gonna change gaming forever

超愛你們

It is incredible

跟痾

It is breathtaking

萬歲

Now excuse me, I have to leave because I wanna die

I wanna die a horrible death

It's the only cure for what I've just witnessed