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  • Hey guys, I'm Videodonkey.

    大家好 我是電玩驢子

  • Now anybody who knows me,

    認識我的應該知道

  • knows that when I play a game, I wanna hit a button,

    我喜歡玩那種操作便利的遊戲

  • *Click*

    喀擦

  • "Click it down."

    給他按下去

  • and play the game.

    然後暢快遊玩

  • What I don't wanna do, is sit through a bunch of dumb bullshit.

    我不喜歡為了玩個遊戲弄些阿里不達的東西

  • "Don't waste MY MOTHERFUCKIN' TIME!"

    別浪費我他媽的時間!

  • With Mass Effect: Andromeda, dumb shit takes center stage.

    在質量效應:仙女座中 這爛操作竟能昇華到神一般的境界

  • To say that Bioware dropped the ball here is to be a comedy man.

    我只能說 Bioware發行這遊戲是來搞笑的

  • The ball has fallen off of a fucking cliff,

    就像顆掉下爛懸崖的笨球

  • into the center of an erupting volcano.

    一路掉到滾燙噴發的岩漿裡

  • On a tech level, the game has regressed five years back from the original Mass Effect.

    在技術層面 他已經退回到5年前的質量效應了

  • Which came out in 2007.

    2007年的操作阿...

  • Okay, things are fucked!

    Okay 這是遜斃了

  • Uh-oh, guys.

    痾...哥兒們

  • I think I broke her.

    我好像把她弄壞了

  • Look at this footage from the original game.

    我們先來看2007年的

  • A little stiff, but when this came out, these graphics were incredible!

    雖然有點生硬 但在當時 這畫面真的太棒了

  • Now look at Mass Effect: Andromeda

    現在回過頭來看仙女座

  • Notice how the animation looks a little off.

    你看看這已經失常的畫面

  • Originally I tried to make my custom guy look like this,

    我原本想捏的角色是長這樣

  • but after hours of trial and error, I realized

    但經過了幾個小時的努力與錯誤 我發現...

  • I just could not beat BioWare at their own game.

    我根本無力反抗Bioware的爛設計

  • The default female character's face has been mathematically perfected

    預設女性的臉就制式化來說非常的好

  • by a team of elite genetic scientists

    由基因遺傳學的菁英一手培育

  • to be the dumbest fucking face achievable by humankind.

    真的好到 他媽蠢的像狗

  • *Angelic choir*

    00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:17,120 於舊作中 採第三人稱射擊

  • Previous Mass Effect games were solid third person shooters

    身旁還有一群具特色的夥伴帶領玩家

  • that were carried by interesting characters

    以及一些經典的獨立支線

  • and a lot of self-contained episodic storylines.

    戰鬥過程非常有趣 偶爾還得動動腦

  • The combat was fun, and a little strategic,

    但整體動作與射擊表現的結合非常棒 讓人滿意

  • but it was mostly satisfying because of the context for the shooting.

    回到仙女座 根本就是在講一群機器人

  • Mass Effect: Andromeda is about a robot with no human emotions,

    以及一群豬一樣的隊友

  • interacting with a team of fucking dickwads,

    每隔一段時間就灌你一臉超爛的冷笑話

  • who unrelentingly berate the player with lame-ass jokes every fourteen seconds.

    Liam:我想她可能真的生氣了

  • Liam: "I think I really pissed that one off!"

    可能是我射在他臉上的緣故

  • "Maybe because I shot him in the face!"

    00:01:48,180 --> 00:01:51,720 首先 這些配音員到底是誰阿?

  • *canned laugh track*

    Peebee:啊哈 這是甚麼呢?

  • First things first, who the fuck are any of these voice actors?

    驢子:那是門阿

  • Peebee: "Aha, what have we here?

    喔耶 你們還記得Christine Lakin嗎?

  • DUNKEY: That's a door.

    他在蓋酷家族第一集有幫寶拉的朋友配音耶!

  • Oh yeah guys, remember Christine Lakin?

    哇靠 閃電麥坤也有份?

  • She played Paula's friend #1 in Family Guy.

    00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,860 你們真的不認識Don Gilet是誰?

  • Wow, they got Gary Carr?

    他演了那麼多不存在的電視影集 你還不認識他?

  • *vroom*

    Ryder:讓我們冷靜一下 放鬆自己的情緒吧

  • Are you really telling me you don't know who Don Gilet is?

    看看人家 質量效應2的大卡司 Martin Sheen

  • From all these TV shows that don't even exist?

    Carrie-Anne Moss

  • Ryder: "Let's dial down the emotion so we can be clear-headed."

    Seth Green Keith David 這些都是你看過的演員

  • Meanwhile, Mass Effect 2 was hittin' you with fuckin' Martin Sheen,

    他們用最棒的表現以及最佳的配音

  • Carrie-Anne Moss,

    讓每個角色活靈活現 也讓整個世界觀更加迷人

  • Seth Green, Keith David, actual recognized actors

    好了 再回到仙女座

  • who instill a huge sense of presence and authenticity

    看看這隻肥狗恐龍

  • in the characters and the world of the game.

    讓你猜一下 它的聲音大概會怎樣? 猜一下

  • Okay, now we're back in the new Mass Effect.

    好了嗎

  • Look at this big dinosaur-looking ass dude.

    我是Nakmoor Kesh 這星際站的負責人

  • Real quick in your head, just envision what you think this guy sounds like, okay?

    我是Nakmoor Kesh 這星際站的負責人

  • Okay.

    這聲音根本搭不起來阿!

  • Kesh: "I'm Nakmoor Kesh, superintendant of this station."

    這只是暖身罷了

  • That is not what you thought it would sound like.

    戰鬥的部分被簡化到一次只能帶三種技能

  • We're just warming up now.

    而且你還不能使用隊友的能力

  • The combat has been dumbed down to where you can only have three moves at a time,

    我想他們大概誤以為這樣能達到簡化遊戲的目的 就像《質量效應2》一樣

  • and you can't use your squadmate abilities,

    不同的是,當時他們簡化大多是初代最惱人的部分

  • which I assume was some misguided effort to streamline the game like they did with Mass Effect 2,

    你看 我根本不知道我接下來要玩啥鳥任務

  • except in that game, they mostly just stripped away annoying shit from the first game.

    Okay 指引方向是我這邊

  • Here, I can't even figure out how to get to the fucking mission I'm trying to do.

    (死路)

  • Okay, it's telling me to go over here.

    Okay.. 這... 應該是那邊?

  • *pop* Uhp.

    (走錯囉)

  • Okay, this... I guess we're going this way?

    嘿 等等 在後面啦 後面

  • *pop* Oh wait!

    終於到了 原來在這阿

  • Wait! It's back... it's back over here now, okay.

    原來是要按這個面....

  • There it is. That's what you gotta do.

    天阿... (請選擇目的地)

  • You just gotta go to this thing.

    到底要去哪阿?

  • Aw, shit.

    終於到囉 看到那目標了?

  • Now where do I go?

    70公尺 走吧

  • There it is, you see that over there?

    (跳) 就快... (走錯囉)

  • 70 meters, there we go.

    三小? 到底是怎..

  • Okay, we just- *pop*

    這選單看起來真的有夠亂的 完全沒有排序好啊

  • The fuck? It just went-

    這啥鬼? 睡眠艙?

  • It's so clogged with unintuitive menus and interfaces

    這又是甚麼鬼阿? 到底

  • The fuck are cryo pods?

    突擊小隊又是三小啦? 到底

  • What am I doing here? What-

    你看看這槍的升級系統

  • What the fuck is strike teams? What-

    他不是給你一個你實際擁有的武器清單

  • Look at how you upgrade your guns.

    而是把遊戲中的每一種都列出來 這還沒完

  • Instead of just giving you a list of the guns you've actually acquired,

    你還只是做出藍圖而已喔

  • it lists every weapon in the game, and then you're still not done.

    現在你還得找相關材料

  • You've actually only crafted a blueprint,

    假如你有那些的材料的話

  • which needs to be researched now,

    除此之外 質量效應莫名的在這代成了開放式世界遊戲

  • assuming you have the right materials.

    Paaran She:請跟緊一點 別擅自探索城市和人溝通

  • On top of this, Mass Effect is now an open world game for no discernible reason.

    驢子:這就是我玩電玩的原因

  • Paaran Shie: "Follow closely. Do not try to explore the city or interact with anyone."

    講真的 BioWare 把質量效應做成開放式世界後

  • Dunkey: This is why I play video games.

    整個遊戲有三分之二的時間 都是在開這台破爛車

  • Really, all that BioWare has accomplished by making Mass Effect open world,

    嘿 Tony 給我來兩杯

  • is that two-thirds of the game is now driving this fucking piece 'a shit car around.

    給我快一....

  • Hey Tony, gimme two drinks, huh?

    三小阿? 太快了吧

  • Make 'em extra quick-

    00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:06,780 還有等待時間 真的有夠多

  • The fuck?

    而且真的狀況百出

  • *dunkey laughing*

    你每次要去別的星球都得看這該死的特效

  • There's also a lot of waiting,

    動畫!

  • and really detrimental oversights

    縮放銀河系?

  • like having to watch these stupid cinematics every time you wanna go to a new planet.

    看動畫啦!

  • Animation.

    準備登陸?

  • Zoom out of the galaxy?

    動畫啦!

  • Watch an animation.

    哇哩 走錯星球囉

  • Land on a planet?

    動畫會幫你回到船上

  • Animation.

    好吧 又來了

  • Oops, wrong planet.

    Okay

  • Animation to get back on your ship.

    我只需要....只需要駭進這台主控機...

  • Uh oh, here we go again.

    就快好... 好囉

  • Okay.

    真簡單

  • Just gotta... just hack into the mainframe...

    現在來談正事了

  • just knock this out- there we go.

    來談這遊戲真正"糞"的地方

  • Simple as that.

    就是主角

  • But let's focus in now,

    我不是非得要 Shepard才能擔任質量效應的主角

  • on what really makes this game such a shitshow:

    但至少他做得很棒

  • the main character.

    而他的配音員 Mark Meer

  • Now I'm not gonna act like Shepard was one of the most iconic characters in video games,

    配得很棒 讓他更有領導者的風範

  • but he got the job done.

    Shepard:我會找到擊敗他的方法

  • And I thought Mark Meer, who voiced him,

    Sara Ryder 這代的主角

  • did a great job making that character feel like a leader.

    真是一個 沒特色 超遜 的爛角耶

  • Shepard: "I'll find some way to take him down."

    一個完全與劇情脫軌的角色

  • Sara Ryder, on the other hand,

    玩家們可以在整個劇情看到這悲慘的設定

  • is such a generic, wimpy piece of trash character

    The Cardinal:我想你開始了解Kett

  • who is so disconnected from the events of the game,

    送給仙女座的禮...

  • that it severs any connection the player could have had to the story.

    Sara:不盡然

  • The Cardinal: "I see you begin to understand the gift

    驢子:也太弱了吧 !

  • that the kett bring to all andr-"

    不只是動畫表現爛

  • Sara: "Not likely."

    包含她整體的對話以及姿態

  • Dunkey: That was so fucking weak!

    讓她看起來真的有夠機歪的

  • It's not just the animation,

    Sara:哇嗚 Sam 那是啥?

  • it's the dialogue and the delivery of her lines

    驢子:是門阿 你他媽智...

  • which makes her such an unlikeable character.

    Sara:我父親死了

  • Sara: "Whoa, SAM what is this?"

    Addison:Alec....死了?

  • Dunkey: IT'S A DOOR YOU PIECE OF SH-

    驢子:你看起來真的傷心過頭了

  • Sara: "My father's dead."

    質量效應:仙女座 是最不人性化 爛原創 基礎完全毀壞...

  • Addison: "Alec... is dead?"

    操你的爛遊戲

  • Dunkey: You look really broken up about that.

  • Mass Effect: Andromeda is inhuman, unoriginal, and fundamentally broken.

  • Fuck this game.

  • (Outro)

Hey guys, I'm Videodonkey.

大家好 我是電玩驢子

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