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  • Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite "My Family is Weird"

    現在分享些我收到最喜愛的

  • stories from you guys. Here we go.

    「我的怪怪家人」的故事,聽好了

  • This first one's from @RockyHoare.

    第一個由 @RockyHoare 撰寫

  • Wait. "Horror" or "whore"?

    等等,Horror (恐怖) 還是 whore (妓女)?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [ 笑聲 ]

  • Cause I was with a rocky whore in the Navy.

    因我在海軍時有一個 Rocky Hhore ( Rocky Horror 電影迷)

  • I hate to say it, but it's "RockyHoare."

    我不想這樣說,但那是 RockyHoare

  • [ Laughter ]

    [ 笑聲 ]

  • H-O-A-R-E.

    H-O-A-R-E. (姓氏,跟妓女同音)

  • Oh, like hoarfrost. Like a --

    像 hoarfrost (結霜,亦指妓女)

  • Yes. Sure.

    明白了

  • Why not?

    當然

  • She says...My mother orders frozen margaritas and then won't drink them becasue "they're too cold."

    她說「我媽媽買了冰凍瑪格麗特雞尾酒但卻不喝,因為太冰了。」

  • It's like, "Oh!

    「天啊!」

  • I can't do that.

    「我喝不了。」

  • Ugh! Freezing!

    「討厭!太冰了!」

  • "I got brain freeze!"

    「冷得腦袋發疼!」

  • "These frozen margaritas are so cold!"

    「這些冰凍瑪格麗特太冰了!」

  • [ Laughter ]

    [ 笑聲 ]

  • Then don't order a frozen margarita.

    那就不要買冷凍的瑪格麗特酒吧

  • Don't do it. [ Laughs ]

    不應該買 [ 笑聲 ]

  • This one's from @poeTAYYtoe.

    這個是 @poeTAYYtoe (音似馬鈴薯)

  • Oh, nice.

    不錯

  • She says...My dad can never remember the name of the Minions from "Despicable Me." He's called them "The Dependables" "The Pinions" and "The Morons."

    -她說「我爸爸總是不記得《神偷奶爸》裡小小兵的名字,會說成 The Dependables (可信奶爸)、The Pinions (小齒輪兵) 和 The Morons (低能兵)

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

  • "I love those morons."

    「我愛死那些低能兵」

  • Yeah.

  • "I love the morons. They're great."

    「我愛死那些低能兵,他們很出色」

  • More cheese and crackers?

    多來些芝士和餅乾?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [ 笑聲 ]

  • "Squeeze cheese on a Ritz?"

    卡夫芝士餅加芝士?」

  • Uh, yeah, thanks.

    好的,謝謝

  • This one's from @hullojess, but H-U-L-L.

    這個是 @hullojess,但拼寫H-U-L-L

  • "Hullo." -"Hullo, Jess."

    "Hullo." (即 Hello,英國多用) -"Hullo, Jess."

  • Hullo.

    Hullo. (你好)

  • Hullo.

    Hullo.

  • Hullo, Jess.

    Hullo, Jess.

  • She says...

    她說「我小時候,爸爸會剪掉派對帽的頂尖,讓我們小孩不要戳對方眼睛」

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

  • Well, you still have your eyes.

    你的眼睛完好無缺!

  • Yeah. Turned them into horns. - So maybe he was right.

    對,可以做牛角 (亦指陰莖,為英文俚語) - 他應該做對了

  • Maybe he had a point.

    他應該有道理

  • Maybe he had a bunch of points.

    或者他應該有很多帽尖 ( point 亦指「帽尖」)

  • Ha ha ha ha!

    哈哈哈!

  • Save it, save it. Save your energy, guys.

    收歛,還有更多

  • This one's from @CptnSwan4TheWin.

    這個是 @CptnSwan4TheWin (Captain Swan for the win 縮寫)

  • Captain --

    Captain (隊長)

  • You almost run out of characters right there.

    數字有限

  • You can't tweet anything. - No more names.

    不能再tweet了 - 縮寫好了

  • Captain Swan for the win.

    為了勝利的天鵝隊長

  • She says...When my brother and I are away at college, my mom puts scarecrow versions of us at the dinner table to have as guests.

    她說「當我和兄弟住進校園不在家時,媽媽會放像我們的稻草人到餐桌裝作客人」

  • There's a photo.

    有圖片

  • Lookit -- there's the photo right there she sent in.

    看,她圖片也一併發佈了

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

  • "Wonder if mom even knows we're not home anymore."

    「媽媽該不會連我們不在家也沒察覺吧?」

  • "They're not eating again, honey."

    「他們又不吃飯了」

  • "Yeah."

    「對」

  • This one's from @amyevans1023.

    這是 @amyevans1023

  • She says... When I was little, my dad trained me to get him a beer when he barked like a seal.

    她說「小時候,爸爸訓練我,當他學海豹叫時,我就要幫他拿啤酒。」

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

  • [ Imitating seal barking ]

    [ 模仿海豹叫 ]

  • [ Laughing ] What?

    [ 笑聲 ] 怎麼了?

  • Wait. You're not --

    等等,你不是...

  • I never knew --

    我從不知道

  • I never knew I had another sister.

    我從不知道我另有一個姊妹

  • Yeah, there you go.

    你總算知道了

  • Amy?

    Amy?

  • This one's from @jennyskorusa.

    這個是 @jennyskorusa

  • She says, "My grandma paid to have professional photos taken with one of her dolls and a stuffed monkey."

    她說「我祖母僱用專業攝影...」

  • This is real, by the way.

    這是真的

  • "My grandma paid to have professional photos taken

    我祖母僱用專業攝影,

  • with one of her dolls and a stuffed monkey."

    為她跟其中一隻洋娃娃和猴子布偶拍照

  • She sent a photo. This is it.

    她發了一張照片,是這樣的

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [ 笑聲與掌聲 ]

  • [ Laughter continues ]

    [ 笑聲持續 ]

  • Genius.

    天才

  • Oh, my goodness.

    天啊

  • This last one here is from @ErinBode.

    最後一個是 @ErinBode

  • She says..."Instead of XOXOXOXO,my mom ends every email with MPMOMOMOM."

    她說「我媽媽每封電郵都不用 "XOXOXOXO" (擁抱與親吻) 結尾,而用 "MOMOMOMOM" (媽媽媽媽媽)」

  • There you have it.

    就這樣

  • Those are "Tonight Show" Hashtags.

    這些是「A咖秀」的 hashtags

  • Check out more of our favorites.

    要看更多我們最喜愛的故事

  • Go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.

    瀏覽 tonightshow.com/hashtags

Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite "My Family is Weird"

現在分享些我收到最喜愛的

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