Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ow!

*SMASH*

FUCK!!!!

From today, dialing 999 won't get you the emergency services.

And that's not the only thing that's changing!

Nicer ambulances,

faster response times,

and better looking drivers.

They're not just the emergency services; they're you're emergency services!

So, remember the new number:

0118 999 881 999 119 725

0118 999 881 999 119 725...

0118 999 881 999 119 725... yee!

You wouldn't steal a monster condom.

You wouldn't touch my magnum dong.

You wouldn't jizz on a baby.

*ZZZZZZZZYUP!*

You wouldn't shoot a nigger...

...and then steal his bucket of KFC.

You wouldn't go to the toilet in his bucket of KFC...

...and then send it to the nigger's grieving widow...

...and then steal it again!

Downloading films is stealing.

If you do it you will face the consequences.

*GUNSHOT*

I wonder if this will ever be read...

YEE!