Did you play high school basketball?

你高中有打籃球嗎？

Ahh...OK, we being honest?

痾....好，我們要說實話嗎？

Like, 'cause you can find footage, so I don't know how far I can lie.

因為網上找得到影片，所以我不知道我可以瞎掰到甚麼程度。

OK.

好的。

Alright, listen, I played high school basketball.

聽著，我高中有打籃球。

I played four years of varsity, but it wasn't, it wasn't easy, OK?

我打了四年的校隊但並不簡單，好嗎？

I wanted to play real bad.

我當時真的很想打球。

This is all I wanted to do.

這是我唯一想做的事。

And my mom, she didn't want me to try out because my school was like two hours from my house and we had to catch public transportation.

而我媽媽她不想要我去參加甄選，因為學校離我家要兩個小時車程，而且我們都搭大眾運輸通勤。

And the tryouts for the basketball team was at 6 am.

籃球隊的甄選又是在早上六點。

It is a true story.

這是真實故事。

And my mom was like, "You're not leaving our house at 4 am to go try out for a basketball team."

我媽媽說：「你不能凌晨四點離開家，就為了參加籃球隊的甄選。」

"There's all types of crazy people out here, I'm not sending my son on public transportation at that time."

「外面有各種瘋子，我不能讓我的兒子在那個時間去搭大眾運輸。」

I was like, "But mom, this is the tryouts."

我說：「但是媽媽，這是甄選欸。」

Like "I want to be on the team, this is the only way I can get to be on the team."

「我想要成為隊上的一份子，這是唯一我能進入隊伍的方法。」

She's like, "No, not gonna happen."

她說：「不，這不能發生的。」

So, because I'm such a genius, I decided to take all the clocks in the house, and set all of the clocks forward.

那麼，因為我是天才，所以我決定把家裡所有的時鐘都調快。

- So when it was... - How far forward?

- 所以當時間是... - 你調快多少？

Oh, I set it forward bad.

噢，我調快超多。

So I...when it was really 4 am, I set the clock to say 6 am, 'cause that's what time I was leaving.

當時間是早上 4 點時，我把時鐘設成早上 6 點，因為那是我要出發的時間。

So, like, I woke my mom up and everything, like it was time for work, like gotta get up.

我把我媽媽叫醒，就像是時候要上班了，所以要起床。

She was like, "It's still dark out, what's going on today?"

她說：「天還是黑的，今天是怎麼了？」

I was like, "I don't know, but we got to get up out of here."

我說：「不知道，但是我們該起床出門了。」

"It's time to go."

「該走了喔。」

VCRs, clocks, her watches, everything.

錄影機、時鐘、她的手錶、所有東西。

I set every clock in the house and I made it to the tryouts.

我把家裡所有的時鐘都調快，然後成功參加了甄選。

I tried it out and I was happy my plan worked.

我完成甄選後很開心我的計劃成功了。

And midway through the day, I remember being in class.

當天，我記得我當時是在課堂上。

You know, classrooms got those skinny windows, right?

你知道，教室的門上有那種瘦瘦長長的窗戶，對吧？

And I'm like doing my work.

我正在做我自己的功課。

And I remember a head popping in the window.

我記得突然有顆頭探進來。

And that was my mom.

是我媽。

My mom, she was like, she's just biting her lips.

我媽她就在那邊咬著嘴唇。

And I remember the teacher's like, "Mr. Hart, your mother wants to see you."

我記得老師說：「Hart 先生，你媽想要找你。」

And I was like, "Don't...don't let me go out there by myself."

我說：「別...別讓我自己一個人出去。」

And he was like, "Go on, Mr. Hart, you're excused."

他說：「快阿，Hart 先生，我允許你離席。」

I said, "No, no, no, please, you gotta come out there with me."

我說：「不不不，拜託，你必須跟我一起出去。」

And I remember walking down that hall, and all I heard her say was, "You had me get to work two hours early!"

我記得我們走在走廊，我只聽到她說：「你讓我提早兩個小時上班！」

BOP!

碰！

She was like, "When nobody else in the office but me!"

她說：「除了我，辦公室都沒有人！」

She beat me all the way home.

她沿路回家都在揍我。

At every bus we got on, she hit me, "Had me on the bus with nobody else on the bus!"

我們搭的每一輛巴士她都在打我，因為「讓我搭上一輛沒有其他人的巴士！」

The train.

火車。

I've never...I think I've got whopped, a man got whopped for three and a half hours straight and there was nothing I could say.

我從來沒有...那天我被打了，有個男人被打了整整三個半小時，而我完全無話可說。

And I was happy 'cause I made the team, and she was like...

我很高興因為我成功被選入校隊，而我媽她...

Oh you made the team!

噢，你打進校隊了！

I made the team!

我打進校隊了！

And so that is one of the lessons learned.

所以這就是你學到的其中一個教訓。

It's one of the lessons, that's one of our life lessons.

這是其中的教訓，這是我們人生中的一課。

What was the lesson exactly?

所以你確切是學到什麼教訓？

- I'm gonna be honest with you, there was no lesson in that one. - There was no lesson!

- 我老實跟你講，根本沒有學到任何教訓。 - 根本沒有學到任何教訓！

It's called "I can't make this up."

書名叫做「這我無法瞎掰」。

It's "Life Lessons" by Kevin Hart.

這是一本「人生訓條」，Kevin Hart 著。

And, go see him in a very funny movie, "Captain Underpants," it's in theaters tomorrow.

還有，去看他演的一部很好笑的電影「內褲隊長」，明天即將上映。

Hi, I'm Jimmy Kimmel, if you like that, click the subscribe button below, and good things will happen forever.

嗨，我是 Jimmy Kimmel，如果你喜歡你看到的影片，馬上訂閱，好事就會永遠發生喔。