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"Don't Do It"
OH MY GOD!
NO NO NO NO, DON'T DO IT!
Don't do what?
JUMP!?
*WHOOSH*
*GASP*
*click*
*FWOOSH*
Relax! I am unharmed!
YOU ASSHOLE, YOU COULD'VE CAUGHT THAT GUY!
Oh... Bummer
SHOULD OF HAD A JETPACK!
"The Weatherman"
Welcome back to your local Channel 8 News
I'm Chip Chapley
Is pregnancy linked to CHILDBIRTH?
Our viewer poll results may surprise you
But first, lets go to our weatherman extraordinaire, Sam Persam. Sam?
Thanks Chip! It's a going to be a warm one out there today which is great news for anyone on our Birthday List.
Channelate News Presents "TODAY'S BIRTHDAYS" -Sam Persam
I... I didn't know it was your birthday, Sam....
Uh, Happy Birth-
Thanks Chip! A lot of you at the studio seem to space on that one, even though many of you RSVP'D for the party at my place last night.
Let's talk about this another time, eh Sam?
Today's forecast includes about 20 pounds of uneaten macaroni salad, spoiling in the dumpster behind my apartment
This just in, any party with 20 pounds of macaroni salad is a party this newscaster glad he missed.
Weather Alert!
Fuck you Chip.
*Grunts*
*Punch Noises*
Breaking News, a fight has broken out at the Channel 8 News Headquarters between our own Chip Chapley and an unknown assailant, I hope he's okay.
Yeah I'm fine.
*Punch Noise then a sound of being hurt*
Police have been dispatched, but we're unable to respond due to the blizzard outside...?
*Weird Blizzard Noises*
Really?!
A blizzard Sam?!
I'm not a good weatherman...
We're gonna check in real quick with my fist, it appears to be approaching Sam's face.
Huh?
*Hurt Noise*
Want Joking Hazard? Buy it Now!
Link in the description!
"Tortoise"
*Panting Noises*
*Cheering and Panting*
*Cheering*
Grrr!
Mr. Tortoise, Mr. Tortoise! How does it feel to be the winner of the big race?
*Intense Music*
I haven't won yet...
*Glaring*
*Glaring, Stalking and more intense music*
Intense/Sad Music
Now I have won.
"Pharmacy"
*Grunting Noises*
STREET FIGHTER! MOM SPECIAL!
ROUND 1
FIGHT!
*Punching Noises*
HADOUKEN!
*More punching noises*
*Scream*
K.O.
YOU WIN!
*Weird Noises*
"Return of The Purple Shirted Eye Stabber"
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THING?
QUIEEEETTTT!
It's the purple shirted eye stabber
WHAT?!?!
shhhh...
Oh... I thought he was gone forever!
No, he's here in this very building. Keep an eye out.
Ok :)
My god.
Psshh.. That was SO predictable.
QUIET! I wanna see what happens NEXT.
*Sigh* Don't tell me you enjoy this crap.
The purple shirted eye stabber COMEPLETLY sold out.
Ohwoo, he stabs people's eyes
*Sigh* What a load of-
OH MY GOD!
*Scary Music*
Well Howdy ya'll! Looks like you've got a blown transformer. Mind if I-
GUAAAAHUUUUUAAAA!
AAAAAHHHHH!
AAAAHHHUAAA
AAAAUAAAA
AAAAAHHHHH
AAAAHHHH
AAAAAAHHHHH
AAAHHH
AAAAUUUAAAAA
AAAAAAAAUUUAAAAAAH
Really?
They're going with the self-reference route.
I'm sure that Eye Stabber sucks now.
Yeah dude...
Well, fuck you guys! Let's see you do better!
And there you have it. Mr. Eye Stabber killed these men in cold blood, Your Honor!
Sentence to Death. Electric Chair.
*smash*
But Your Honor, I'm not the purple shirted eye stabber
Wait, but that means....
OOOOHHHHH! NOOOOOO! KRGGGHHHAA *thud*
And there you have it.
Looks like justice is blind...
FIN
*Loud Cheering*
"Beer Run"
*Drunk Singing*
This party's CRAZY!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
God, it's a shame we got- It's, it's a shame we outta booze though.
Wait..
Naa Naa Naaa. I'd better wrap this up and getting people outta here
Wait, wait wait wait. Dude, I can get more party for the booze. *Jiggles keys*
No way... NO WAY
I'm not get-
Y-You get more drunk than I am!
I'm not THAT drunk
Don't poop on the party.
Really don't think you should be doin' this man.
*Hic* Your not my BABYSITTER! I'll goin' to the liquor store down the street.
Alright, if you insist...
*Vehicle Starting*
Wait-Wait-Wait-Wait-Wait
The.......Fuuu... Can you pick up some ice on the way around? *Winks* Thanks dude!
*VROOOOOOMM*
AAAAAAAHHHH GOOOOOOOODDDDD AHHHHHHH!
Give me your purse ya dumb BITCH!
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
thanks!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*splash*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
And then she's all like "I don't eat pasta and I'm like- (Get out! Go away!)
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
*Boop*
*Boop*
*Boop*
OOOOOHHHHHH MMMMMYYYYY, NOOOOOOOOO
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Heh.
I've made it.
OH SHIT!
I forgot to get the ice
*tire squeal then a loud VROOM then some more screaming*
"Too Early"
Name?
Uh..... Nathan Summers.
Let's see...... Nathan Summers...
OH MY GOD! NO, NO, NO! THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE!
What?
You aren't supposed to be dead yet.
I could lose my job over this..
Ok....
This isn't good, this isn't good at all. I have to send you back
You must wait until it's your time.
Ughhh...
Man..
I must've hit my head on every step on the way down.
Where was I?
Suicide huh, heh heh. See you in hell.
"Haunted"
OOOOOOOOOO!
OOOOOOOOOOO!
OOOOOO.....!
*Gasp*
Oh darn it, must've been to close to the edge..
*crash* *gasp*
Heh Heh, jeez whiz, that gave me quite start. I need to fix this old thing.
*Light flickers on and off* OOOOOOOOOOO!
*destroys everything in house and is being ghosty like*
Uh, oo
W-What?
What the dickens?
Steve?
Dave!
Woah! I haven't seen you since you died!
Yeah! Now you're dead too!
Fantastic!
So good to see you, old friend!
Likewise!
So..
What do ghost do for fun?
I don't know, I always just kinda.... haunted you?
Lets keep doing that! *Plays with Dave's dead body*
"Le Telepathé"
Good evening sir and madam. Welcome to Le Telepathé. Have you dined with us before?
No this our first time.
We've heard great things
Hmmh-hmmm. The great things you've heard madam, are quite correct.
So can we see the menu?
There are no menu's, I'm afraid.
Are there any specials tonight?
HA HA HA!
Every dish is special sir.
You see each meal is tailored to the innermost cravings of each specific diner.
Our chef's monitor is customers brain activity and create a culinary masterpiece based on the individual wishes.
That's fantastic! So how do we order?
No need to order sir, your minds have already informed our chef of the dish you desire.
This is amazing!
I wonder what we're gonna get!
I'm so excited!
I hope mine is made of chocolate... or bacon... or caviar
Me too... I can't wait to find out...Happy anniversary sweetheart.
Your chocolate-caviar fountain with bacon crackers, madam...
This looks AMAZING!
And for you sir...
Your DICKS.
What in FUCKS name is that?!?!
Your dinner sir..
DICKS......
T-There must be some kind of mistake... I-I-I don't-
Steven...?
Why did he bring you DICKS?
I-I-I don't know! T-This is not what I ordered..
Sir...
You are telepathically monitored and this is most certainly the dish your brain desired.
My brain didn't desire THIS.
We are a respectable establishment and can assure you that your brain specifically said..
"Ooh I hope I get a big pile of dicks to put in my mouth, that would be so yummy wummy."
Sir...
W-Well I don't want it. This is a mix up!
STEVEN, you're making a SCENE.
We cannot just replace the DICKS you ordered because you changed your mind.
Send it back and bring me something else RIGHT NOW!
You're ruining our ANNIVERSARY!
I'M LEAVING!
HAVE FUN WITH YOUR... PLATE OF DICKS!
I'll get your check sir...
Oh my god, that's so FUCKING GOOD!
*Sucks all the DICKS.....*
"Yummy Pie"
*Lady singing*
Yummy Yummy Yummy Yummy PIE!
YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY PIE!
YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY PIE!
YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY PIE!
YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY YUM YUM YUM YUM
YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUMMY PIE!
Action Stan "The Suicidal Stuntman"
And now the star of the show, the man you've all been waiting for... The Master of Disaster, The Sultan of Canon Putin, The High King in Biking........ ACTION STAN THE SUICIDAL STUNTMAN!
*VROOM*
*buzz*
*Sizzling/Vroom sounds*
*VROOM*
*clank*
WHOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO
*Sob noises*
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【快樂氰化物精選集】第4集 (Cyanide & Happiness Compilation - #4)

3736 分類 收藏
Steven Guan 發佈於 2017 年 5 月 14 日   Steven Guan 翻譯   Kiara 審核

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