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Oh my God yeah!
Anyways you guys before I go I have one more good story to tell you
I took a... I took a road trip about a year ago after I got rid of the beetle
in the SUV. Took a road trip from LA to Phoenix to go perform at this club
Let me tell you who's in the car. I'm driving
I got my buddy Armando riding shotgun he's another fluffy guy
We call him sexy bitch
I don't call him that his wife calls him that, "He's a sexy bitch"
Anyway, the back seat I got my friend Martin
Next to him is my friend Felipe.
So we take off
We're on the 10 freeway we're passing all these Indian casinos
Sorry, we're stupid like that! Anyway...
All of a sudden all these cars start passing me, right?
I'm getting annoyed because I'm driving a...
I said next car that tries to pass me
I'm not gonna let em. So I'm looking in the rearview mirror waiting... looking... waiting
waiting and I see a silver dot. The silver dot turned out to be a little car with two
hoochies in it right?
Now some of you guys are like how do you know that they're hoochies?
'Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going
I feel a disturbance in the force.
They tried to go around and I cut em off
I'm having fun, they're back there E E E whatever
My friend Felipe's in the back seat
yelling at me, Fool, what are you doing?
I go dude, don't worry I'm having fun
Gabriel you're going to get pulled over.
Dude I'm ok, it's cool. We're arguing going back and forth
I'm not paying attention, I don't see
a California highway patrol officer creeping up on us
All of a sudden I hear
I look at the speedometer... 102
Oh, I freaked out
The little car that was behind me with the two hoochies
they got pulled over because they were going just as fast
I'm in the front seat of my car freaking out, oh my God I'm gonna go to jail, I can't believe it
I'm on the verge of tears
From the back seat I hear my friend Felipe,
Fool what are you crying for, what are you crying for fool?
You're not the one with weed in his pocket are you?
You have drugs in the car?!
I told you to slow down didn't I?
But noooo because chu knows everything
Shoot, everybody roll down your window
Air out the car
Mondo fart, do something man
The cop walks over to the window looks in, sees my face
Recognizes me from TV right
He's like hey I know you
You're a comedian
Yeah, you're that guy from Comedy Central you're the guy that
does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank call him and you call him a
dirty mexican and then you go
But it was funny huh? Oh I love that joke!
That one and when you go chocolate cake! Oh I love that joke!
I hate to do this to you but we got two cars involved
I need your license and registration
Ok here you go here you go
So he takes my info goes back to the car with the
two girls in it, right? The whole time he's back there I tell everybody in the car
Check it out he just recognized me from TV
Maybe if we have some fun with him
Crack some jokes maybe he won't take the car
I don't care if I get a ticket but as long as he doesn't take the car
Mondo be silly, crack a joke
Martin be funny
Felipe? What fool? Shut the hell up
So the cop comes back to the car
What the hell were you doing out there?
Before I could think of something funny to say, from the back seat I hear
Fool, he was testing the suspension
Oh my God this pothead's gonna get me arrested
Officer I'm sorry that's my friend Felipe that's the guy from the special
That's the guy who says but it was funny huh
He's just trying to get me in trouble I'm really sorry
So he goes back to his squad car with my driver's license and he's swiping it in a computer
The whole time he's doing that he's being yelled at
from the back seat of my car
Hey officer!
Thank God you have a computer!
Last week we got stopped in Mexico... That fool had a rolodex!
The cop starts dying
I go oh we got em going, we got em going
I told my buddy, Mondo give me my CDs
I take out my bad boys 2 soundtrack and I pop it in
Track 3 is the theme song to cops
I tell my friend Felipe tell me when the cop starts walking
Ok fool here he comes
I crank that song as loud as I could
Bad Boys
What chu gon' what chu gon' what chu gonna doooo
Best part now the cop is walking to the beat
Even better than that the two hoochies in the car can hear the music and they're freaking out like
Oh my god, we're gonna be on TV
The cop goes to the girls gives them a ticket let's them go
Looks at our car and at this point we're like halfway through the song right
We're like that might be going to be no rookie
police don't give me no break I don soldier la la la la la chimica
Bad boys bad boys
We got our arms out the window like a bunch of idiots
The cop is in the middle of the freeway dying
He walks over to the window and he's like
Yes sir
Hands me my license and the registration and he tells me
I want you to do me a big favor. I want you to keep his tank under a hundred
You think you can do that?
Do that for me
Keep on doing what you do
And you have yourself a nice day
w w w w... that's it?
No ticket?
No ticket
I don't know what possessed me to look at this man and go whyyy????
How come the girls got a ticket?
And he tells me the coolest thing, he says
'Cause they couldn't make me laugh
Wooo wee!
You don't understand Gabriel I've been on the force now for 26 years
This is hands down the funniest damn traffic stop I've ever been a part of
Do you have any idea how hard it is to give two sluts a ticket while listening to cops?!
I damn near pissed myself I was laughing so hard
This is going in the books as one of the funniest things to ever happen
to a police officer I swear to God
The only story better than this one is a buddy of mine pulled over some fat guy
that gave him doughnuts
So he starts walking away, right
And just as I'm about to start the car
So does that mean I could keep my weed?
I turn around to yell at my friend
Too late, the cop is at the window
You want to run that by me again son?
You heard what I said fool
Oh you think this is a big joke don't you
You think that just cause I gave your buddy here a break
I know who he is, I like what he does
I don't know you I don't like you... Step out of the car
I turn around and my friend Felipe is like woahhhh....
I'm so scared
And the cop pulls out his gun
I'm freaking out , I'm like oh my God!
Back seat, my friend Felipe ooohhhhh ooohhh I am so scared
Fool he is good, he is good
And then he points it at him
The look on my friend Felipe's face
Are you serious?
Are you serious?
I'm gonna go to jail?
I'm gonna go to jail?
The cop was like
But that was funny huh?!
I love you Bakersfield
Thank you!
I don't know


【笑翻脫口秀】公路之旅 ("Road Trip" - Gabriel Iglesias- (From Hot & Fluffy comedy special))

4495 分類 收藏
Noman Ebart Sam 發佈於 2017 年 3 月 23 日
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