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  • How many of you are on Tinder?

    有多少人有在玩 Tinder?

  • (cheers and applause)

    (歡呼鼓掌)

  • Good for you for getting it started, sir.

    感謝你先承認了,這位先生

  • Because so many people were scared to say it,

    因為太多人害怕承認自己有在玩

  • and then you encouraged them,

    你鼓舞了他們

  • and then they, "Oh yeah, then me too."

    然後他們就會說「喔我也有在玩」

  • How about Cupid? OKCupid?

    那 Cupid 呢?約會網站 OKCupid?

  • Alright, Match.com?

    很好,那 Match.com?

  • Hinge? Hinge, Bumble?

    Hinge?Hinge 跟 Bumble 有人在玩嗎?

  • Coffee meets bagel?

    Coffee meets bagel 約會網站?

  • Grindr?

    男同志交友軟體 Grindr?

  • Alright, well, there are a lot of ways to meet people online these days.

    很好,這個嘛,現在要透過網路交友有太多方式

  • I've never used any of them, but for all of you young people out there,

    我一個都沒用過,但是各位年輕人們

  • you won't believe this,

    你們或許不會相信

  • but in the past,

    但在過去

  • to start a relationship,

    要談一段感情

  • you had to talk to someone in person.

    你必須得和人有面對面的互動

  • For a while.

    而且要持續好一陣子

  • And you'd have something called a "conversation."

    你們會有一段叫做「聊天對話」的過程

  • And when someone rejected you,

    而當有人拒絕你時

  • they would reject you in person.

    他會親口跟你說

  • You could actually see their expression.

    你可以看得到他的表情

  • You would know what that means.

    你會懂他想表達什麼

  • Kids, you call it an emoji,

    孩子啊,你們把這叫做表情符號

  • we call it a face.

    我們卻叫做臉部表情啊

  • (cheers and applause)

    (歡呼鼓掌)

  • But since it's so much easier to date online,

    但由於網路交友越來越普及

  • I think people have gotten lazier and lazier,

    人們也變得越來越沒創意

  • and pick-up lines have gotten worse and worse.

    而搭訕人的台詞變得有夠糟糕

  • And I know this from all the research I've done,

    我會知道這些是因為我有做研究

  • and by research, I mean I found an Instagram account called Tinder Nightmares.

    做研究的意思是我發現了一個叫做「Tinder 惡夢」的 Instagram 帳號

  • And since Tinder is a place where you can find true love,

    既然 Tinder 是一個你可以找到真愛的地方

  • sometimes twice in one night,

    有時候一個晚上還能找到兩個真愛

  • - Yeah!

    水啦!

  • This section over here is crazy.

    坐在這一側的人都瘋了

  • Alright, I want to help you people out,

    好,我想要幫幫你們大家

  • so I thought we could take a look at some Tinder pick-up lines that didn't go well and learn from their mistakes.

    所以我想我們能夠透過參考這些 Tinder 上失敗的搭訕台詞來避免犯同樣的錯誤

  • So this one is from Kevin, and his first text is at 3:30 in the morning.

    這個是 Kevin 的訊息,他的第一則訊息是在上午 3:30 送出的

  • "Hey what's up"

    「嘿在做啥呢」

  • And then,

    然後

  • "Hey what's up"

    「嘿在做啥呢」

  • And then,

    然後

  • "Hey what's up"

    「嘿在做啥呢」

  • Alright.

    嗯,很好

  • Then at 3:46, he texted,

    然後在 3:46 時,他又傳了訊息來

  • "Hey what's up"

    「嘿在做啥呢」

  • He's persistent, that Kevin.

    這位 Kevin 還蠻堅持不懈的

  • This next one is from Luke, and,

    下一則是 Luke 的訊息

  • "Yogurt. Cereal. Soup. Sidney from Tinder. These are all things I want to spoon."

    「優格、麥片、湯、Tinder 上的 Sidney。這些都是我想吃的東西。」

  • And then,

    然後

  • "My name's Sarah. Did you copy and paste that from a conversation you had with a girl named Sidney and forget to change the name?"

    「我叫 Sarah。你是不是複製貼上你跟一個叫 Sidney 的女生的訊息,然後你忘記把名字改掉了?」

  • "Well, this is awkward."

    「呃,尷尬了。」

  • Alright, here's a line no one would ever say in person.

    非常好,接下來這個絕對沒人敢親口說

  • "I heard you like whales...so do you want to go humpback at my place?"

    「我聽說你喜歡鯨魚...那你要不要來我這打砲?」(註:humpback whale 為座頭鯨,humpback 指打砲從後面來)

  • Come on, America, we can do better.

    拜託,美國,我們一定有更好的梗

  • This next one starts off sweet,

    下一則一開始還蠻可愛的

  • It's, "Gosh u are beautiful! But I'm not looking for anything. Just trying to make friends."

    「天啊你好正!但是我並沒有什麼目的,我只是想來交個朋友。」

  • "Well thanks! And that's okay! I'm not looking for anything either, just wanna meet new people and if it goes somewhere cool. If not I have a new friend."

    「謝啦!沒關係!我也沒有要幹麻,只是想認識新朋友看有沒有機會深入認識,如果沒有的話至少我交到了朋友。」

  • And then, "Sex?"

    然後他回:「打砲嗎?」

  • And then sex?

    下一句竟然回「打砲?」!

  • Alright, we have time for one more, right?

    好,我們還有時間來看最後一個,對吧?

  • Mary? Andy? One more?

    Mary?Andy?再看一則訊息?

  • Alright, this is,

    好,下一則是

  • "Do you work at Subway?"

    「你在 Subway 工作嗎?」

  • And then, "This better not be a footlong joke."

    然後女生回:「拜託不要是 12 英吋的梗」

  • "Crap."

    「被發現了。」

  • It was.

    是吧

  • It was a footlong joke.

    就是那 12 英吋的爛梗(註:Subway 的 footlong 12 英吋潛艇堡,美式笑話衍生指男性生殖器長度十分可觀)

  • To see another 12 million examples of what not to do on Tinder,

    想要看看其他 1200 萬不要再 Tinder 上亂傳的訊息例子

  • check out Tinder Nightmares or you could join Tinder.

    你可以上 Tinder Nightmares 或直接加入 Tinder 玩玩看

  • And now, here's a pick-up line that seems to work all the time.

    現在,是搭訕人最有用的方式

  • It's, "Let's dance."

    就是「讓我們來跳舞吧」

How many of you are on Tinder?

有多少人有在玩 Tinder?

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